My father-in-law came up for a visit from Tennessee this last weekend and stayed with family here in Indiana for a few days. The primary purpose for his visit was to meet his first great-grandchild.
It was a bitter sweet visit because my wife lost her mother, his wife, this last December. So Mom, which is what I called her, sadly missed the birth. Her presence was felt though, and could be seen in the faces of the family members in my nieces hospital room.
After some time with his new great grandbaby, Dad, which is what I call him, drove the 2 hours from my nieces home town to visit us for a couple of days. I always enjoy his visits and our time together.
Today, after he departed and while we waited for him to make the six hour drive back to his home in Tennessee, we waited patiently, yet worried until he called to say he made it. I pondered making this post the entire time. While thinking about this man and what he meant to me, it came back to why I feel so comfortable with him. So much so that I call him Dad.
Well, I guess it comes down to all we have in common. Yeah, I am married to his daughter, well step-daughter really (more to come on that), but there is much more.
We both are from the same rural small town area of Indiana and both started working on farms at a young age, him younger than me when he started. We both had drunks as fathers and have drunks in our families still. We are both war veterans, he served in Vietnam and me in Iraq. And when I was younger I worked non-stop and couldn't sit still when I wasn't. He is the same way to this day and is 78 years old. Most of all, we love our families dearly, more than life itself.
It is not so much the events or situations described above that have made us close. It is the many conversations we have had about them that have made us close. Sharing intimate feelings about those said events and situations seems to be almost therapeutic for both of us.
We are able to share funny stories of our youth working on farms. Even ugly stories about our fathers' abhorrent behaviors when they were drinking could end up in a laugh or two. Fish stories prevail in most of our conversations because he loves to fish as much, if not more than I do. We spend some time talking about our time in the military and then the war while drinking a beer or two.
There are other activities and things we love to do and converse about, especially our kids, and his grandkids. But most of all we just enjoy hanging out with each other. Sometimes, we can spend several minutes just sitting enjoying the silence with each other.
This is the type of relationship I always wished I had with my own father, but it was never to be. However, I have it with him and thankful for it. Tomorrow night my wife will clal him like she does every night. They will talk on speaker phone for an hour or maybe three. I will chime in occasionally. At the end of the call we will say good bye and I will say...
...I LOVE YOU DAD and he will say I LOVE YOU TOO.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Note: Image source is from wife's iPhone. Taken at Niagra Falls, New York, USA
oh, this is wonderful, so very wonderful! Thank you for introducing us to this amazing man, and telling us what he means to you! Love this! 💜
Thank you @thekittygirl. He is a good man. Like us all he has his faults, but at his core, he is good. Yes, he means a great deal to me.
It is a blessing and a curse but we don’t always have a dad in our father. Well, we do for the lessons learned and the biological connection and they do help us survive at least.
The blessing is knowing that being a dad, or even a brother, is an elective thing in the connection sense of it. I have a couple brothers for real and another few outside of that. With extended family, I am surrounded in people who are close and a blessing in my life.
Sounds like dad is a blessing in yours and you guys are doing it right.
We are just doing what we do @zekepickleman. It seems to be working.
Sounds like a wonderful relationship! Thanks for the story!
Thanks, it is. You are welcome. It did me good to write it.
That's great that you have a good relationship with him. You two have a lot in common! Too bad you never were able to have the same with your biological father, but that's the way the world works... You're lucky to have a cool guy like him in your like, it's just a shame he lives so far away!
How are you doing brother?
I think it is wonderful as well. Yes, we do have a lot in common. We have our differences to though, but seldom let those get in the way of anything. As far as the bio father, I am better off not having had him in my life. Agreed on the distance between us. We have occasionally shopped for homes in his area, but doubtful we will be moving as homes and property in his area is astronomically high.
I love this. If my daddy hadn't died when I was 18 (a time when we had a lot of conflicts between us) I like to think we'd have gotten closer, perhaps so many years of MY life wouldn't have been wasted.
I feel sure he would be proud of who I am now.
Well said @coinjoe,
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Thank you Jerry! My sperm donor died when I was 17. I doubt if he had lived longer we would have worked through anything though. He had no interest in family. Luck would have it though I had plenty of male role models growing up and throughout my life such as my pops-in-law. Hope you have a good one Jerry.
Thank you, best wishes to you as well
It’s wonderful that you had a chance to have a good relationship with a father figure, even if it was later in life marrying his daughter. I’m glad that you’ve had the chance to make those memories, they are what keeps us going sometimes as we get older I think. Happy to hear he came to spend time but also got back safely!
Thank you. I had other father figures when I was young. Several uncles, older cousins, and one of my older brothers served in that role at some point or another. Yes, good memories, but I want to focus on making more for now.
What a great relationship. I am lucky enough to be pretty close with my father in law as well. I call him dad occasionally. It just depends on if he is paying attention or not. Sometimes I have to call him by his first name :)
Yep, we have a pretty good relationship I think. That is great you are close to your pops in law too. As far as calling him by his first name, I do the same as you. He has bad hearing, so sometimes have to yell it even 😀.
What a beautiful relationship you have with your father in law, and a blessing that you married his daughter otherwise you two may be have never met.
We do have a great relationship. Yes, I agree, it is a blessing and so glad we met in in our paths in this life.
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