Tonight I finished up the first chapter of the "Body Keeps the Score" Workbook. It was a quick read, so I checked out the actual books first chapter as well. It is a little longer and goes into much greater detail.
It delved into Dr. van der Kolk's time at the Boston Vetern's Administration Hospital in the late 1970's and working with veterans and helping them deal with their trauma. Most of which were Vietnam Vets. It wasn't until the 1980's that PTSD started to become recognized, just to give you a reference of where they were in the timeline of how vets and others were being treated for traumatic stress.
Let me me circle back here before we go any further. Before starting the Workbook, I wanted to get a better handle on what Trauma actually was by definition.
First there is the academic definition from Merriam-Webster for the definition of trauma:
a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury
That was great, but that was Merriam-Webster's definition. However, I wanted to know what definition most mental health professionals may be working with. So I went to the American Psychological Associaction's website and foound the following:
Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, crime, natural disaster, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, experiencing or witnessing violence, death of a loved one, war, and more.
Okay, now we have trauma defined. So, let's start again. So Kolk was working with veterans and what he discovered was that:
- Trauma has long lasting effects, even after the original event has taken place. Many symptoms were common across different traumas (think war and domestic abuse).
- Shame and self-hatred are feelingss central to trauma.
- Trust of anyone that doesn't have a shared traumatic experience is hard.
- The way the world is perceived changes and damage's the minds ability to play and use imagination.
- The advent of PTSD as its own diagnosis dramatically imrpoved the medical professions understanding of the traumtized brain.
So my exercise for this chapter was to:
Reflect on a traumatic incident in your life. This can be something you suffered from, witnessed, or inflicted.
My reflection tonight takes me back to this post I made on August 2, 2023 titled It Could Have Been Me.
As I stated in the post, I was supposed to explore this more with my threpist at the time. Suffice it to say, this never happened. I tried, but it seemed the threpist I was seeing at the time wanted nothing to do with the discussion and would change the topic. This was very frustrating, but after a while I just stopped trying to discuss it.
Now that I have a new therapist, maybe we can explore why I relate to Corporal "S" so much and why that crash, his death, and the death of the others have stuck with me for so long. Why they continue to torment me at times.
I mean I didn't even know him, his fmaily or any of the others. But somehow I projected myself onto him and it has stuck since.
Sometimes I resent him for haunting me like this, sometimes I resent myself for resenting him. Then there are times I mourn for him and have nothing but sorrow for his family and those young kids that never grew up with a father. Of course, there is also numbness I get, the feeling of nothing, which scares me more than anything.
How should I feel? I guess, that is for noone to answer but me and me only. What I would like to feel is normal and not dwell on this in an irregular manner.
But is it irregular? I feel it is, as I have witnessed dead people before. I have experienced traumtic events before. None seem to stick with me like this one though. It is extremely odd.
Then again, I guess that is why I am reading this book, doing this exercise with my therapist, and sharing some thoughts with you here on Hive.
Until next post.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Notes:
-All content is mine unless otherwise annotated.
-Images are my own unless otherwise noted.
-Photos edited using MS Paint and/or iPhone SE.
-Page Dividers from The Terminal Discord.
I really hope that we can expand the abilities of the mental health providers to incorporate treatments with psychoactive substances. I don’t know if you listen to Joe rogan at all but there’s been so much research and benefit especially on soldiers and people coming back from war with iyahuasca (spelling most likely) and to a lesser extent pscilicybin (spelling again..) specifically around the PTSD topic. Whatever it does it helps people like yourself process it properly.
To the therapist that avoided and changed the topic - they should be fired, flat out. If someone in your position needs to discuss something and they ignore you and change the subject that’s dereliction of duty and they shouldn’t be practicing anymore. That frustrates me!
I’m glad you found this book, I know some of the soldiers that talk on Rogan have done the psychoactive stuff and hopefully have written about it I don’t know their names but I know it’s expanding. The big thing is it needs to be handled in a professional setting not in a living room with nobody around.
The VA is currently researching the use of cannabis and Psilocybin right now. In fact it is showingsome good results. Of course it is being administered under supervision and while the veteran is under its influence is supervised at all times. It seems to allow the person to recall and talk about the trauma without all the negative physical and pyschological symtpoms that come with it.
I am not a big Rogan fan, but will look and see if I can find any episodes where he talks to these guys. I am always looking for ways to improve and get better.
My write up for Chapter 2 should be out tonight or tomorrow.
That's good that the VA is finally doing something helpful for vets.. which I know is a very broad and complex topic in itself!
I don't listen to all of Rogan's episodes but he does have on some phenomenal guests which is mostly what I tune in for, to hear their stories.
I know a lot of the Seal guys he has on talk about it and can help figure out who it is, as it is a topic almost every military-related episode.
The VA has improved leaps and bounds since the days following the Vietnam War. They have especially made improvements post-9/11. I am very satsified with my mental and physical care, minus the one mental health therapist.
I will have to check out Rogan since I hear a lot about his podcast.
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Damn Joe, I'm sorry you have to go through that. I don't suffer with it personally but have cared for people who do. Glad you got a new therapist that will hopefully listen get into that subject. The study aids should help as well.
No worries. Yeah, I just don't understnad why it bothrs me so. It never did like this until after I retired. Like I said, I have had what I consider more tramatic experiences as well. So I don't know why it vexes me more than other events. I guess we will figure it out eventually. Yeah, hopefully this book and workbook will help.
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STOPThat's awesome. VEry proud of that one.