Love often begins with a spark, which develops into an emotional bond with another person. In the early stages of a relationship, love feels effortless and thrilling—fueled by the thrill of discovery and the promise of something new. However, as time passes, we realize that love is more than feeling but a decision to choose each other again and again.
Last November, my husband and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. We've known each other for 25 years. People frequently comment on how happy we seem as a couple. We were always laughing, holding hands, and enjoying activities together. While this is true, our lives and interactions have not always been harmonious. There are times when I seek solitude, longing to be alone without someone hovering over me or attempting to start a conversation about a Facebook reel. There were evenings when I wanted to sleep in a different room due to his loud snoring or constant farting. And then there are times when we don't agree, when his beliefs differ from mine, or when I explain something to him just to be frustrated because he insists on his own approach. In those instances, I was annoyed, bitter, and even wondered, "Why did I marry this person?"
I've come to understand that the slow, ongoing work of maintaining love determines its endurance, not its initial intensity. Emotions are ephemeral, frequently altering in tandem with life's cyclical patterns. However, the decision to love, to stay, to forgive, and to grow together demands intention. It is this intentionality that transforms love from a transitory emotion to something lasting.
Choosing to love isn't always simple. It means seeing someone for who they truly are: their strengths and weaknesses, their light and darkness. It entails remaining and working on it when misunderstandings occur. It involves humbling ourselves to break the silence when it lasts too long. It entails summoning our patience and empathy when the demands of the day have left both persons exhausted and irritated. Love requires us to address our own limitations and fears, exposing ourselves to vulnerability despite the risks involved.
In my own life, I've had to make the difficult decision to love. I recall a quiet evening when the house was filled with anxiety from an unsolved argument earlier in the day. I was uncomfortable with the residual bitterness, but I chose to talk and close the distance. However, I admit that my husband does this more than I do, since I frequently choose to withdraw and let silence grow. Over the years, I've discovered that these small, pivotal moments are often the foundation of love. Simple decisions like these may appear insignificant at the time, but they eventually define the trajectory of the relationship.
Choosing to love means choosing to forgive. Forgiving does not mean forgetting or excusing. It is to accept imperfection and move forward with grace. Forgiving affirms our dedication to the person we love.
Love is also about finding joy in the monotony of everyday life: the way my husband chuckled at his silly dad jokes, the warmth of his hand in mine on our stroll, or the way he smiles when the kids and I appreciate his food. These moments serve as a reminder that a constant flame of companionship, rather than fireworks, forms the foundation of love.
Love requires a commitment to personal and shared growth. Neither person remains the same over time, and the relationship must adapt to these changes. As life changes, we must adapt, find new ways to connect, and rediscover one another. It takes curiosity, effort, and a willingness to constantly learn about the person you thought you knew.
As I reflect on my experiences, I see how love has shaped me. It has taught me patience with others and myself. It has shown me the importance of actively listening to grasp the other person's point of view rather than pushing my own. It has revealed my own insecurities and fears, forcing me to overcome them. It has often reminded me to be grateful to those who shared their lives with us.
Ultimately, love is a journey. It is not something we arrive at, but something we constantly create through our decisions. When we choose love, we commit to a lifelong journey of caring, forgiveness, and growth.
I recognize that what I'm writing is mawkishly old-fashioned and lacks originality, but I can only write about experiences that are truly authentic to me. In choosing love, I accept both its trials and its blessings. The trials may never be simple, but they are always worthwhile. And in this decision, I find not only connection with others, but also a better understanding of myself and what it means to live fully.
That's it for now. If you read this far, thank you. I appreciate it so much! Kindly give me a follow if you like my content. I mostly write about making art, writing, life musings, and our mundane yet charming family life here in Klang Valley, Malaysia.
Note: All images used belong to me unless stated otherwise.
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The ups and downs, the anxiety and love; are all part of marriage. I've been with my husband for over 14 years now so I can relate a little bit to your story.
Have a happy life ahead and figure out life together.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for connecting with my story. Marriage is definitely a journey through the highs and lows, isn't it? Wishing you and your spouse ongoing happiness, growth, and shared adventures as you journey life together ❤️
Thanks for your reply.