Accountability is a big deal for us... or is it? I used to believe that people genuinely want their governments, news agencies and economies to be better, more transparent and honest, but I don't think so anymore. I think we unconsciously perpetuate failing social strategies, corrupt ideologies and constrictive legal frameworks because it's apparently easier to blame the wealthy and the powerful for the state of the world than it is to take responsibility for the paths we've chosen individually. Knowingly or otherwise, we all play around with dark thoughts and low emotions; there's a bit of the omnivore predator in every interaction and sometimes, instincts take over, expressing in ways that we'd rather suppress. We look in the mirror and call ourselves "good" and to hell with desires and urges, fears and shame; we delude ourselves that these things are well-secured in some backroom of our minds and could never come up on their own, even though they do all the time.
Here's a story.
At some point during my late 20's, spurred by the increasingly tyrannical behavior of the regime and the huge problem with violence here in my country, I began researching about tyrants in history, and expanded that to serial killers and other criminals. My self-stated purpose was to understand how these phenomena come to pass, their similarities and differences and their connection to the circumstances that I experienced to some extent in Venezuela. Once my spiritual process began, however, this exploration deepened and I started peering into my ancestry and my past lives in the understanding that, given the possibility of countless lifetimes, any person alive now must have been cruel, oppressive, lustful, murderous and deranged in several of them due to a variety of reasons. Between 2018 and 2019, I set out to test my hypothesis and arranged visualized ritual meditations to determine whether I could access these other lifetimes. I found that I could.
In one of those visualizations, I saw myself as the general of a great army in the ancient times. I'd entered into an alliance with two other warlords against a large city and we were on the verge of joining our armies and attack in unison, but I was delayed for a few days by another engagement and my allies, impatient, unleashed the assault without me. I learned of this through a letter from one of my informants which also explained that my sister was in that city during the attack, that she was most likely dead. My sorrow and rage were great. I pushed my army to get to the city as quickly as possible and when I got there, I found that the invading armies of my allies had burned a large part of the city, and that the raping and looting continued as troops mingled in a brutal celebration. Beside myself with fury and grief, I slaughtered the invaders and their leaders, catching them completely unawares.
I emerged from this vision with a renewed comprehension of horror. When that general made his decisions, I was making them too. As he swung his sword, it was also my hand that was tainted in blood. The astonished looks of drunken warriors being rounded up by a supposedly friendly army weren't directed at a stranger, but at my own face. I even sensed the faint smell of smoke as I watched new fires being lit upon the old ones. Visualizations can get very intense, yes. They're essentially dreams that we can picture at will.
Over the years, other visualizations allowed me to find my inner predator in more situations, but I decided to take both places as the victim and the perpetrator. I do this willingly from time to time as a means to recognize potential loopholes and biases in my way of thinking of and approaching people or events. In this manner, I've seen myself in the jungle as a hunter and its prey; under the overcast skies of a Greek city where I was the witness of a crime, the killer and the killed; in various battles as myriad fighters cutting down or dying against their enemies, etc.
Why?
Because I choose to hold myself accountable not just for the things that I've done in this life, but also for every other action that I can remember in my soul's journey, ill and good. It's not just been about the bad stuff, of course, but also about the wonderful stuff that I've built and done here and elsewhere, in this time or in some other epoch. The more I've done this, the more peaceful and exciting my life has become.
How do I know that these things are what they seem?
I have to trust my intuition on this. At times it's fairly obvious that I'm cobbling up a singular narrative out of many fragments, but other times the sensation is full and coherent. I'm also not that concerned about the nature of the stories, I just focus on the events narrated by those stories, which is what I do with dreams, readings and even with my daily life's memories. As far as I can tell, they corroborate each other constantly if one is paying sufficient attention.
"You didn't come here to make the choice, you've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it."
The Oracle
When we can see ourselves honestly as the offending party in any scenario, we have to be humble and accept our responsibility. This frees us from guilt and shame, and we can then see the message, the teaching underneath. In the end, the Universe is a flawless system which allows for perfect change and adaptation at all levels; from that perspective, our "mistakes" have been necessary and unavoidable parts of our evolution, they've all had a reason, they've all fulfilled a purpose. If we can incorporate that point of view, we can then start to let go of the angst and stress over politics, religion, family feuds, professional competition, economic problems even in the most adverse contexts. I've managed to accomplish it through the worst of Venezuela's recent process, and I'm absolutely certain that it can be done pretty much everywhere regardless of circumstances.
Personal accountability allows us to refocus our energy on ourselves, to be aware of the part we play in everything we experience, the people we meet, the events we witness, the places we're in; these things are all our soul's doing and they're ultimately geared to our benefit, we grow through them. Whenever we encounter abuse and acknowledge our own potential for being abusive, we realize, for instance, that there were probably thousands of signs which, taken seriously, could've prevented that abuse or stopped it dead on its tracks, and yet we ignored them because we refused to pay attention. After the fact, we often continue to reject other perspectives, instead clinging to the blame, justifying our actions through our suffering, holding on to the delusion of our innocence. The same happens when we encounter great beauty and fail to understand our potential for making beautiful things, sabotaging connections that reach too deep into us, losing great opportunities for joy in the process.
We're all capable of wonderful and terrible things. We've all been wronged and wronged others. We've all been saved and saved others, either in this life or in the span of thousands of lifetimes. This knowledge brings freedom and opens the gates for increasingly mightier love, vanquishing prejudices and slowly reducing the necessity to issue any judgments about our environments and the people around us. That's how we truly bring about a better, kinder, more sincere world. Moreover, believe it or not, if we become the example of accountability, we don't need to demand it from others, our very presence inspires it at all levels up to and including the seats of power and leadership. It may take a while to see that, but it's already happening, and all of us can contribute to it.
What a beautifully well-written post. It's so meaty and thought-provoking, that I was going to respond to it later since I'm so tired right now, but instead decided to strike while the iron is hot.
I think I share your superpower in being able to envision myself on both sides of the coin when dealing with people and situations. Do you think its given you more empathy? I feel that my ability to do so has done that for me.
While I don't know if we live sequential lives, I do believe in the concept that in this vast Universe, we each have countless doppelgangers each carrying out every possible choice to be made. in this world, we are what we are. But I cotton to the thinking that in another reality, your "you" might be the leader of a great nation, while my "me" could be a laborer in a rice paddy.
If this multiverse thing is real, then every failure has a mirror of success, and its all a giant learning process as long as you can tap into this hivemind of knowledge. I'd say much more but am nodding off as I'm so tired and about to hit the sack for some well-deserved rest.
I do remember our initial conversations from many moons ago, and am glad we have such captivating and refreshing authors such as yourself, here on Hive. Thanks for sharing such a deep post with so much for us to consider. As always, I wish you nothing but the best.
And what a beautiful response, man. Thank you wholeheartedly.
Yes, I'm sure that my empathy has expanded at the same rate as my capacity to assume other points of view. One of my self-updating goals is to be able to listen to anyone in the world regardless of character or status, always honestly myself. The empathy boost has been essential.
I think both perspectives, sequential lives and infinite alternate dimensions, can coexist simultaneously. Everything is happening right now, all times, all possibilities in a repeating and layered pattern, in the Present Moment.
It's a good thing that, in this possible reality, we got to meet on this platform.