Should I rant about the runt?...

in Reflectionslast year

Flowers for the fallen1.png


If I could rewind the week and start it again, I would.

If I could change my decision in the moment and do it all over again, would I? No, I made the right choice for the circumstance and situation considering.

But the replays in my head still make me jump at anything that is to the right of me, the colours of the day still pop in my mind, yet the face that stared me down with menace and murder - I can't see. It's all a blur.

Each moment of each day is now taken with apprehension and caution. Each step taken scanning around me as I walk. Did I take the time to smell the flowers this week? No.

So I settled into looking at them from pictures I took and taking me back in time to walking a plant nursery where the sun was shining, the air was warm and welcoming and the atmosphere was happy and embracing.


Flowers for the fallen-5.jpg


In my dreams, I see flowers everywhere and I can smell them, walking freely with reckless abandon and appreciating them with not a care in the world for anything else. I feel alive and energized and in love with life.

The beach I see to either side of me as I walk on the sandy shore is soft and clean, the waves breaking quietly providing some form of soothing white noise that tumbles on itself in time with my steady, strong heartbeat. There is no racing. There is no tremor, there is only the smell of the sea and the sun on my skin. Walking at my own pace, no reason to run anywhere, just time on my side to see all the little intricacies washed up on the sand alongside the beautiful blue that stretches out to the horizon and disappears beyond.


Flowers for the fallen2.png


There is a perfect place, where there is time for everything that my soul needs, there is a space for everything that my heart wants, there are friendly smiles and pleasant conversation, there are clouds that are not menacing but bring cleansing soft rain to wash the grime from the day.

And that place resides in me - in my tiny moments of isolation where I can zone out from the world at large and remember what life is meant to consist of. There is no anguish there, there is no anger there. There is only contentment and a fucking insane resilience that overpowers all the negative nudges that the world leaves at my feet as they pound the pavements and my breath heaves from the adrenaline pulsing through my veins and setting them on fire.

There is no longer a wavering in my voice, my ears are no longer ringing. My head is clear and focused. The chaos that wrapped itself around me so tightly sloughed off from my being. There are flowers all around me, my smile may be harder to find, but it still creeps in when I smell the jasmine in the air and the sweetness left on my fingers after picking strawberries.

Life came knocking, but I'm still standing.

~

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

William Ernest Henley ~ Invictus



𝑷𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒅𝒍𝒚 𝑨𝑰 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆. 𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒚 𝒐𝒘𝒏.


Sort:  

✨♥️✨

Congratulations @emma-h2! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)

You distributed more than 1750 upvotes.
Your next target is to reach 2000 upvotes.

You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

I think it’s good to replay things in our head but not demand the ability to go back and change what went on or how we acted. It’s part of being human and having the ability to change everything means we learn nothing. I think a big part of learning is the fact that we can’t change the past but can shape the future by adjusting our reaction to things.

I know I try to stop and smell the flowers when I can! Looking at the pictures is helpful though when we can’t.

Been awhile since you were around bud, I hope all is well. I've checked your blog few times to see if you've posted, so it's fair to say I miss ya 🤗

Hope to see you around town again soon. Merry Christmas if ya celebrate it, and all the hugs your way 💚

Hey Emma, I haven't seen you around in a while now.

I hope to see you back on Hive soon, and hope all is well on your end.

Hey dude- was thinking of you and wanted to let you know that you are missed. Hope all is well! Excited for when you come back around Emma 💕

untitled.gif

Hey Emma! I'm thinking about you very often and wondering what's happened, why have you stopped posting. I hope you're ok and just taking a break. Drop me a line please, to know you're ok.

Take care 🤗🥰

It's funny I dropped by the same just now to check on her. Hopefully she just fucked up again and lost her keys LOL then said screw it. I enjoyed her banter!

Hopefully she just fucked up again and lost her keys LOL

That's not a very nice thought.

I was being facetious clearly.. referring to her previous mistake of losing her keys.

i talked to Galen the other day - he said that she’s likely not going to be coming back unfortunately. Wouldn’t say why but that we shouldn’t expect to see her back on here. That’s certainly a big loss! 😞