I started writing this post a few months ago and have never finished it. It's not a problem as it has a deep meaning and with topics like this, I don't like to rush into writing. To avoid being too subjective about the topic, I prefer to wait for a bit, let my thoughts settle first.
Not long ago life has dealt me some cards and as a consequence, I had to work with a person I've never met before, for three whole days. He has been recommended by a trusted person, as a professional and I can now confirm he is indeed a good professional, no disappointment in that regard. However, after finishing work, there was something that I could not get out of my head and made me think of what makes people become like him.
When you meet a person you've never seen in your life, it's normal to share things about yourself, to get to know each other. It's a normal process that is inevitable basically, especially if you have to work with the person. This is what happened here the first day, especially that we had a mutual acquaintance and the person I had to work with was close to my age too. Chatting was easy and enjoyable as well but after the first day, the balance tilted in a different direction. I had to realize that was not just getting to know each other, but a way for the guy to show me he's superior in many regards.
Somehow I have a gift in this regard and can see right away when someone is trying to show off or to use a more common term, trying to convince me that they are better or in a better position. In cases like this, I kind of take a step back as I see where the whole thing is going and let the other party speak or show off. I don't judge, if they feel the need to do so, let them do it, but I can't stop wondering why is there a need at all? Why people are doing that?
This was not a rare or isolated case as you see this going on every blessing day, wherever you go. there's always someone vocal about their activity, their achievement. Most of the times these are unsolicited, meaning the topic doesn't come up in a conversation, but the person starts speaking about them out of their own initiative.
With all the social media platforms we have today, there's a trend to do this. These platforms facilitate sharing, which can be useful for many, especially when you have family and friends abroad, but there is a line many have crossed decades ago and it looks like the whole thing has become a must. A must to show more than others, a must to do better than the others, and all this for all the wrong reasons.
The sad part of the whole thing is, most of these people feed their ego with Likes on social media platforms, or convincing themselves that the others are jealous of them for having what they have, or doing what they do and this is really bad.
We are all different and obviously each to their own, but when your happiness and joy is based on the reaction of the others, I don't think you're on the right path. Imagine when the targeted parties reacting with a big dose of indifference to your boasting, what do you do? Disappointment kicks in and you're miserable.
This has become a competition, a really unhealthy competition between people, which can have serious financial and emotional consequences. I'm seeing families destroyed because brothers, sisters are competing with each other. As kids, competing is inevitable, but as adults, things should be different. One should be happy and proud of the achievements of the other and they should work together towards achieving their goals, but unfortunately you rarely see this.
I can consider myself lucky in this regard as there's no such thing in my family, no one feels the need to compete with the other or boast constantly and I'm distancing myself from relatives who fit the profile. No thanks, life is difficult enough as it is, I don't need this nonsense in my life.
However, the question remains unanswered. What makes people be like this?
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Aww, that's really crappy. Try to remember, it isn't you, not even a little bit. There is a deficiency in their personality or their estimation of their own worth and so try to grasp more and more attention. Luckily, I don't have that scenario in my own family, either.
I'm happy you don't have to deal with it. Family is the hardest as you can't just kick them out of your life.
I have no time for the me myself and I brigade, I have no time for their insecurities for that is what it is attention seeking.
I dont distance myself from them I just tell them to shut up as I am not in the least bit interested in them. It works, usually
That's brutal, but I bet it's effective 😂
You're right though as they can drain your energy quite quickly.
yes indeed, sometimes brutal works 🤠. I just want needy people in my life, like you say, draining my battery
Character defects make us like this, it is difficult to reach an understanding and be aware of how much they can make us suffer. The practice of humility is sometimes difficult due to this fact. The reflection you have made is quite interesting, thank you for suggesting it. Do we want to be what we see in many people or is it enough for us not to be? Greetings @erikah
Hello Oscar! You're right, if you're surrounded by a few of them, it can be a nightmare and if you don't speak up, you suffer.
Hello @erikah. Sometimes I think that the size of the sword depends on the fear one has, the bigger the sword, the more fear. Also the gestures and words one maintains are the size of one's ego. What I find most difficult is to balance the scales. Well, at least not by trying.
It’s certainly pointless to compite each other. And what you say in your post is something that I have been living these months in Ibiza.
I spent more than a year working at home in my book and in my social media, not for sharing my life, but to encourage woman to do solo travel. And now that I had to go back to the “regular” work life, I could see and feel deeper this spirit of competition from people. For no reason.
Where is people going to? I really can’t understand…
Wow, I don't envy you. Going back to regular working like can be a shock.
Reading the comments I got made me realize people like the guy I mentioned are everywhere. Unfortunately.
The world would be a better place if we could enjoy each other's success together and help each other achieve our goals, instead of competing with each other. But at the end of the day, I don't want to waste my energy on trying to change them, so I'm removing my presence if it gets too far.
I hope you can manage these people without giving them too much of your time and energy.
Hi, Erikah, nice to see you/read you.
He or she probably needed to make that boast to someone to feel complete. It's not something that can affect me at all. We are all different and we all have different abilities too. Nor would I question his or her's .
When I see that on social media, I don't judge, I just wish the person doing that would find something to fill themselves with, because they are usually empty people.
Hello dear @nanixxx, nice to see you too.
I don't judge either, just try to limit my time spent with them as I'm not willing to waste my energy to make them feel better.
It would be nice to know they are able to change, but I highly doubt they can.
I really enjoyed reading! It’s interesting how our interactions can reveal so much about personal motivations. I agree that social media can amplify these tendencies, but awareness is the first step to change. It's all about focusing on genuine connections rather than competition.
Yes, that is true and I also thing they will never acknowledge they have a problem :)
Sadly we all have met or know at least one person like that and the truth is, no matter how many excuses you try to find for them, such as a bullish childhood, bad behavior from the others, etc, won't make them be right for their attitude. An even worse situation is that I doubt they can change. Yes, with the right people around they could keep that under the control for a while but not forever.
Imagine how much damage such behavior can do to children. Instead of learning to be humble, they grow up knowing you always have to show off and be or do better that others, not for yourself, but for the others to envy you. Terrible.
Exactly! So sad.
Hello @erikah friend!... I read your lines twice, the ‘ego’ is a topic which has always interested me... From my point of view a big ego is: ‘A huge inner emptiness which we always fill with silly things’... I don't know why a marked portion of the people around tend to ‘live to feed their ego’... I worked more than a couple of decades for a local corporation and very often I had to deal with huge egos of my colleagues. And believe me, dealing with that is very exhausting... Now I do what I love every day and work for myself, and over time -as you point out- I learned to stay away from egomaniacs as if I were running away from poison! ;) Very good article... Good to hear from you, I hope you are well...
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I didn't use the word ego, but you're right.
This is very true. I had the pleasure to work with people like you mentioned and yes, it is exhausting and energy draining, especially if you have to work with them each day. I guess we're both lucky to be working for ourselves and able to avoid them.
Thanks for the nice comment my friend and have a nice day.
PS: Big applause to those beautiful violet plants!!!!
The world is filled with zillions of people which basically means zillions of different characters, attitude and behaviours. If they tend to behave that way maybe its their personality however the point is to understand that people are different. I love the fact you always be yourself when you encounter such scenario.
The question is, do you want these people in your life? Do you want to be a tool in their hands they use to obtain happiness while draining your energy? I don't :)
First of all a person dont even need to rethink the idea of having such ppl in their life. Who would want something that will cause mental health.
Me, as mental health is important. But people like him are harming my mental health.
Then you ignore and finished whatever deal you have with him then cut him off, no time stressing your brain that will contradict your sanity, that is what I'll do peace of mind is everything
Good reflection friend @erikah, you are never going to look good to people, it's been a while since you posted other content outside of hive graphics, very nice Begonias your mauve flowers always capture the attention to customers !!!!
Thank you @ibarra95 and greetings.
First I must agree, people are definitely like this and social media just makes it worse. I think it comes from a place of insecurity. And from a desire to feel good about themselves by being superior to others. Genuine friends and genuine good people are hard to find. Its possible to avoid people that behave this way (except for the occasion work or other obligation that forces you) but that can be isolating or at the very least make your world a smaller place. I think you have to find a way to not let it bother you. Thats the path to being one of those genuine people yourself. But not at the cost of your own well being. I find most people will talk themselves out if you let them go on about how wonderful they are... and then a more meaningful discussion can begin. But alas not everyone. Sometimes you just have to move on and avoid them...
I couldn't agree more. You can't change them, so you need to find a way to deal with them, or avoid them, if you can.
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There's no need for whatsoever to show off, so matter what level you might have attained in life, someone else has been there.
Unhealthy competitions really affect people that have the time and energy to look for it, gullible people too. When someone radiates any kind of energy and it's not being reciprocated, he of she will pause.
If you are actually showing off, I would so ignore you that you can only imagine. With time you will stop it.
You are right, no need to show off but I'm afraid modesty is not something they practice.
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I think that the degree of understanding that the adult gives is important. This must have reached a higher degree of maturity.
The kind of person who tries to belittle others, have a very low self-esteem. I try to look for the good in people, but that is one trait I detest, so I simply avoid them and don't strike up a conversation. Difficult when you're working closely though!
The innate wanting in people to feel appreciated—that's how it starts. It's normal, but it can mutate in some people and turn into a condescending, deep-seated need for validation and approval. And they try to feed off those that appear inferior to them. Might be a good professional, but clearly not with empathy and making actual friends.
Among men on the professional side I feel that happens more, wanting to prove they are better than the other guy in a testosterone fight haha.
Very much in agreement, one should be content with the achievement of others and one's own. Success is measured in oneself and not in others because success depends on the situation and the struggle of each person.