Have you ever found yourself standing at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take?
“What is it that you are going to teach me today?”, I wonder as I get out of bed long before sunrise. As many other times I had been tempted to ignore the alarm and stay in these cushions. They seem to have never felt that soft and warm before as now, at 5am this morning.
When I lock my bike at the edge of the forest it is still dark. Looking over my shoulders I have a first glance at the alps in the background. Their sharp teeth reaching high up, tinted blue. While the sky just above them starts to turn pink.
I am already sweating from the bike ride up here. And I still have the whole climb by foot before me. Nonetheless I am already grateful to myself for ignoring the dragging comfort of my bed. And to have made it up here.
The path before my feet is still covered in the shadows of a departing night. The shrubs and trees are covered in frost. The frozen mud crumbles under my feet. In the dark all around me I hear the bird singing to the gentle flow of a little stream.
The shapes and shadows of fallen tree trunks and overgrown shrubs light up my imagination. I see a crouching gestalt behind the bend. Hiding creatures around the path. The dead leaves on the ground rustle as if someone heavy was moving around. I peer into the many shades of gray and try to determine who had made that noise. When I see a deer jumping up and disappearing into the darker dark in the background.
Then I lose myself in my thoughts. I don’t hear or see much anymore as I place one foot before the other. Endless steps that I have to overcome on my way to the top.
It’s in these moments where I can bare any thoughts or questions about my life. The most hurtful and scary ones. Intense doubts become endurable. Sadness transforms into inspiration and fear into a possibility for freedom. It’s like I am suddenly able to accept everything just as it is. As if my whole life, my past and my future where lined up there in the present. And I can take it all in, without any judgement of good or evil.
As I walk past I reach out my hand to caress one of my favorite trees. He’s growing right in the middle of the path. Offering me his roots as steps to climb upwards. His bark is gently wrapped in moss.
It’s not really a junction, yet I remember coming down that other way before. The path leads around a bend on to a few hundred human made steps, that lead to the top of the mountain in a steady zigzag. The other way is just straight up, direct and steep.
I choose the other way.
While I pull myself up on a piece of root sticking out of the ground, I hear the church bells ringing back down in the town behind me. The sky is bright now and every time I lift my head up to my left I can see the alps again. The sky is weights heavy in anticipation of the rising sun.
A few last steep steps, I know I’ll reach the top very soon. My thoughts still turn around in my head and I wouldn’t mind to just climb on forever until they resolve. I jump up another few big natural steps, over roots and into the footprints of people who have come here before. Another glance at the mountains and suddenly I remember: I have one life so might as well go for the real thing. And at the same time I am nothing compared to these massive piles of earth and stone. So maybe I could just take it all a little bit less serious.
It’s not a new lesson. And this same mountain has thought it to me several times before. Yet that was exactly the one thing I had to be reminded of today. Two more bends and I squeeze myself through a bush to climb the fence leading to the viewpoint platform. I arrive, drenched in sweat and in peace with myself and the world. At the top of the mountain, just before sunrise.
“It isn’t always all or nothing and it is always all of me.”, is what I write down as I sit on that bench for a little eternity. So far climbing a mountain has always been the right thing to do in any situation. When I am scared, when I don’t know what to do with myself, when I don’t know what to think or feel. When I am not sure which path to take, the answer is usually: “The one that leads up a mountain, any mountain.”
I loose myself in the sight of the snow-covered peaks that spread over the horizon. My head is filled with love and appreciation for how beautiful this life is. How small and precious, an eternity that lasts just one short instant.
Thanks for stopping by, have a lovely Thursday!
All photos and words are owned by ©kesityu taken and written by myself.