How does true freedom feel?
It’s not about the place. It’s not about the time. It’s not about what you have or don’t have.
Then what is it about?
My lips stick together as I try to dislodge a piece of nuts from between my teeth. My forehead is covered in sweat some other drops I feel running down my back. My stomach feels awful, bloated and painful.
The sun is slowly setting and I am about to cycle up a mountain.
The only energy I have to get up that mountain is coming from the piece of Baklava I just ate. A gift from a truck driver on that same road. Otherwise I was sick on my stomach. And over tired from the soon 100ish kilometres that accumulated in my legs.
I am somewhere in the middle of nowhere in a country I don’t know. On an endless road that connects little deserted villages. I pass through fields of apricot trees and bare fields. I come across abandoned houses and piles of rocks. A hand full of people, bend over in the fields, harvesting? As we pass they lift their heads and wave.
We pass an awful night. Mainly because of my sickness and me being scared. In the middle of the night, I had been woken up by the strange business of a boat and a tractor next to our camp. In the morning a gang of street dogs chases around the tent. And my stomach feels even worst than the day before.
The scorching sun beats down on me, while the wind whip through my scarfs with an icy chill. My face is covered in hoods and scarfs, only my eyes look through a small slit.
This time there is no Baklava-Sugar-Rush giving me the strength to ride on that road that goes up and down. We have an argument and then a first coffee break next to the road.
A huge oak tree is spreading his arms above us, protecting us from the sun. How many decades has he been growing there? How many other people had found refuge in his arms?
Leaning my back against the old and wrinkly stem, I look into the distance. A massive lake enclosed by mountains as tall as wide. The sunshine lights up the surface of the water, white and bright. The soil around me is dry and dusty, covered in other peoples rubbish. The air is soft and filled with absolute quietness. Every move of my feet echoes loud into the surrounding. The flame of the gas cooker sounds loud as a stream.
We start to talk. As we always do. About everything at once. About life and all the hows and whys. It’s just us right there right now. No one else. Just this moment. Nothing else exists.
It’s about being fully present in the now.
It wasn’t perfect. Not at all. I was sick. I had barely 500Euros in my bank account. Even though we did it together we had many arguments. There where moments of doubt and hesitation, fear and anger. Nothing was perfect. And yet, the freedom I felt was complete. Endless and vast as the sky around me. Strong and gigantic as those mountains. It was freedom as deeply routed as that old tree under which I rest.
Maybe because freedom is not about perfection but about realness? Maybe because it isn’t about where you are in that moment, but that you are completely in that present moment?
I’ll never forget. Because that freedom became part of me. Whenever I think of it, I can feel it again. I feel it anywhere now, if I pay attention to it. I feel it the same after a long day of work. When I cycle through the busy streets of this city. Because I remember: “I am as free as I was when I cycled through the Turkish Mountains… always. It is my choice to be.”
Do you recall a moment in your life that was ground setting for your sense of freedom? Or in what time or moment of your life did you feel freedom in the most intensely?
Thanks for stopping by, have a lovely Thursday!
All photos and words are owned by ©kesityu taken and written by myself.
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How beautiful, how hard-working, and beautiful photos!
without any external "authority" imposing its will.
Despite all discomforts that must and do come, our Everymoment is saturated witj OUR focus, intention, vision, creativity, because WE chose every aspect of it. MMMMmmmm yes: love reading your writing today, sewing at the kitchen table 🪷That is beautiful, dearest @kesityu.fashion 🍁❤️🔥👑 - we too have been discussing freedom lately, and I feel a tangible thrill of insight, as we step daily into out Sovereignty. Yes, the divine quality colouring All Moments, as they are aligned with spontaneous choices made
Beautiful scenery!
thank you for this post! love the pictures especially, also the anecdotes. One can find freedom in many things, and it comes in many ways. I just wrote that I find freedom in rules, a freedom within boundaries that keep things clear, and I can move freely within them without fear. Just one example.
There are many moments of feeling free in my life, but most notable it is usually while riding the bike downhill on an empty road, with a some rain drops refreshing the skin.