With a vacant gaze, I watch her fade away. Seeing her feel lost in front of her own reflection is part of the process, and knowing that your mother is slipping away little by little, yet forever, is truly heartbreaking.
Alzheimer’s disease is a type of dementia, a brain disorder that slowly destroys memory and thinking skills, eventually robbing even the ability to perform the simplest tasks. Experts estimate that over 6 million people in the United States alone—mostly aged 65 or older—may have this condition, making it the seventh leading cause of death in the country. Memory loss is a hallmark symptom.
Alzheimer’s constantly toys with those who remain present, those who cling to the illusion that there’s still time, denying the true nature of the problem. It worsens when we lack the resources to confront a disease that spares neither rich nor poor, crossing races, borders, and traditions, bringing an undeniable depression into our lives.
It’s painful to admit that her vacant stare makes us feel small, even as we gray with age and bear the weight of time. It’s unfair that someone who was there your entire life—clipping their own wings so yours could spread—should see their smile and zest for life, their will to feel, fight, and believe, slowly dim. It’s devastating to watch the person who once taught you songs and crafted beautiful dolls no longer know you exist. Reality is cruel, and though we resist accepting it—burdened by the prejudices of a modern society that isolates us more each day—it’s dishonest to say her memory lapses, wild fabrications, constant mood swings, or repetitive questions don’t wear us down. In this life of sorrows and clipped wings, standing by someone with this kind of dementia is complex; patience frays under the daily grind that shakes our turbulent world.
Sometimes I wonder why this disease exists, its cause still under study. Detecting it early feels nearly impossible, especially when we refuse to acknowledge its presence or how deeply it affects us, becoming a major source of stress for every family member.
Today, I’m here for her, if only for minutes. Truthfully, she isn’t here long either; she drifts away with every caress I try to offer, a feeble attempt to make up for the times I feel shut out of her world, wishing it weren’t true that she doesn’t recognize me. I’m selfish—the worst kind—because, even knowing she won’t come back, I want her by my side and pray she doesn’t physically leave me. After all, she’s my mother, and despite the sorrows, fears, anger, mood swings, and depression that touch every member of our small home, I want her here, even if just for those fleeting moments when she recalls a story, a gesture, or a feeling.
I’m aware of my ignorance in craving more from so little time, forgetting that even in those brief sparks of light and warmth, she remains absent.
I can’t help feeling hope, and like a child blind to the situation, I wield all my tools to draw her toward a light she can’t see, toward a beacon that, to her, is barely a firefly. Illusions flare up randomly with small details, only making this life feel crueler, tormenting our minds and stirring emotions still alive within us.
Living with someone with Alzheimer’s is truly hard. Finding her searching for meaning in a shadow, repeating the same question without recalling the answer, fixating on figures on the TV, retracing her steps because she doesn’t know what she’s looking for or how to express what she needs or feels—it’s tough. She’s completely lost in space and time.
My mother started mixing up our names, forgetting the stove was on or that she’d spoken to us on the phone. Back then, we didn’t want to see it; we always thought it was just part of aging naturally. Even during celebrations, we laughed at her antics as if they were mere quirks. It wasn’t until I began to notice the problem—sensing her more absent and distracted, forgetting the little details that shaped her personality, blending characters in her memories, even inventing new ones—that it hit me. She started feeling rejected and ignored, and with that came depression, seeping into every corner of her soul. My father’s death worsened her state.
Losing the man who’d been her other half for over fifty years pierced her soul and heart, opening new cracks until she became a confused woman, plagued by irrational fears and wandering hallucinations.
Today, I feel every second of losing her, despite my efforts to keep her from erasing us entirely from her life.
Losing a mother is agonizing, especially when she’s still “here.”
Alzheimer’s affects the mental well-being and physical health of both the person with the disease and their caregivers, though in different ways. Showing them they’re not alone by staying present in their lives can be key to preserving their stability. Building daily routines and learning about this type of dementia can help tackle growing challenges. Self-care is a vital tool to steady our minds. Remember that asking for help doesn’t make you weak—it’s also a sign of strength. Don’t abandon them; they’re an essential part of the world around you. Put yourself in their shoes and guide them through this thorny path. You won’t regret it.
- Spanish is my native language, so I used the Google translator to bring this post into English.
- Cover image and design by me.