I understand you perfectly, because I also experienced the death of my parents and it happened 3 and 5 years ago. Your condition is normal now. Don't force yourself to do what you don't want to do. Before, I liked to create something with my hands, then I liked to grow something in the garden, but after the death of my parents I became a completely different person... Now my greatest joy is traveling and reflection.. We flow in the process of life, and each time we discover something new in ourselves! We will never be the same again. I say this: the death of my parents divided my life into "before" and "after"... But life is beautiful even when tears are flowing down my cheeks...