The fact you don't want to suffer by repeatedly doing the same thing is good news. Look I'm not sure life does have any meaning beyond procreation of the species. But that's okay, that's still your role...to make a positive impact on people around you, including Small steps, so they too survive well. Maybe that's enough, right? Maybe searching for bigger meaning is a fools errand, our own conceit.
I don't know. for the species perhaps. But, is it worth the resources I take up?
I was just saying this somewhere in another comment.
It's depressing to think of it like this. However I choose to find it liberating. I don't care for God and will never find meaning there, so I may as well just find joy in the small things and the relationships I have. I find more despair in striving for elusive meaning.