As someone who has lived many years under the curse of “the activist” I’ve had to practice not letting the suffering of others get to me in order to heal from that pattern. Of course I feel compassion and if there is anything I can do without hindering my ability to help other people or do all the other things I came to do, I’ll do it! But I’ve gotten pretty good at not being weighed down by the suffering of others. Perhaps my childhood made it easy, not enough space to be myself and so I learned to cut off any emotions that are hanging on uncomfortably due to someone else’s suffering. On the flip side it’s probably directly connected to my numbness towards the idea of family and tradition.
I killed a rat two weeks ago. I felt a little sad about it but absolutely zero guilt. Ruthless 🤔 I don’t like being ruthless, but I imagine I would be about the bird as well. Still not pleasant to watch.
Once in a mountain village in Yunnan at night, I met a dying dog on the street. It had been hit by a car and couldn’t walk well and it’s eye had popped out. I wanted to save it but I couldn’t think of anything I could do, there were no animal hospitals out in the mountains and I didnt have money to pay them anyway. I doubt they could have saved it either and so I was left with the question…”should I kill it?” I haven’t become ruthless enough to be able to kill a dog in that situation. And it feels strange to say that I wish I could be ruthless enough to put it out of its misery instead of just leaving it there but never have the misfortune to have to be that ruthless.
I guess my take away from this and your story is that sometimes we shown battles that are not ours, just so we learn to focus better on the things we know we CAN do.
I agree with that takeaway. Gods, stumbling upon a dying dog would be pretty hard for me too. I don't think I could kill it either.