Did being a parent always suck?
Perhaps. But I feel there has been a massive escalation in the things that a parent has to worry about these days that weren't even a thing when I was a kid - like all the digital issues with bullying, stalking, hacking private information. Then there is the massive ramp up of synthetic drugs. And on top of all this, just the issues in the world, with violence, war, conflict, environment, and all of the social media pitfalls that are made for children to fall into.
Kids have it pretty hard.
Not necessarily physically hard.
But, there are just so many options and traps that lay in front of them, that they must be struggling to make any choices, let alone making good choices. It isn't just about whether they do their homework or not, it is about whether they make it into adulthood with their mind and body intact, with the skills necessary to do something that brings them enough income, and hopefully doesn't undermine their integrity.
I look at some of the kids out there and they don't fill me with faith.
But I think that being a kid sucks for another reason these days, because a lot of the "grownups" are only that by age, not by mindset. I feel that when I was young, people much younger than me were far more mature than I might be today. Nowadays, adults want to spend just as much time (if not more) playing games and being entertained than the kids, so there really aren't that many mature people to look up to.
Respect your elders.
This is something I have always questioned, because just if someone is older, doesn't mean they deserve respect. I think it is even more questionable now, because age doesn't come with that much experience either, so the maturity gap between young and old seems to be closing. The young are growing up faster with access to a vast pool of digital experience at the least, and then as they hit some point, they slow down maturing, instead looking to hold onto the good times of their youth forever.
I think that is one of the key reasons many don't have kids.
They aren't mature enough.
There will likely be pushback on that statement, but having kids used to be part of a cultural progression that it isn't now. Instead, there are many pathways to live, and a large number of people are taking the one where they don't have to grow up, and instead they can keep on partying like they are at a college kegger. If looking to constantly satisfy one's own desires, there isn't the maturity to consider looking after the needs of others, is there?
And yes, money is a pressure on this too, because even with a good job, the "minimum" amount of entertainment and enjoyment frequency necessary for an individual has a high cost. We aren't designed to want to "go without", but we are designed to keep putting things off until times are better. And, because we keep putting things off and times don't improve that much, we are never ready to take the next step. And the longer we wait, the bigger that step feels.
I love being a parent, as it is incredibly rewarding in many ways, including finding things out about myself that I am pretty sure I wouldn't have otherwise. However, it is also hard to be a parent, which is why it isn't for everyone. I read so many sad stories of badly neglected children whose parents just had better things to do than even attempt to raise them properly.
And then this has an affect on other aspects of life too, where for instance the drug addicts are getting younger and younger, because they are giving up on trying to have a decent life earlier. It all seems so hopeless, especially when there are no longer many good role models to shine a light on the path and to lead by example. Just look at the leaders chosen, and the celebrities that people follow - not many of them are the type of people who you would want as a role model for children, yet they are famous because they have millions of followers, because they are rich, because they will debase themselves for more attention.
Parents have it hard. Kids have it hard.
Yet, being a parent is one of the most important things a person can do, isn't it? Just think about the billions of parents in the past that have got us to this point as a species, and now we have reduced the role down to be meaningless to the point that people don't even want to do it, because it gets in the way of their social calendar. Like it or not, if we want a better world, we need better parents.
Which sucks.
Because at least in my opinion, there is a growing spread between parent quality these days, and the bottom keeps getting lower. It might come back to the amount of choices again, or it could be that the foundation is just not as solid as it once was. We tend to resemble our parents in more than just looks.
There are good parents out there of course, but because local communities have been weakened to the point of non-existence in many areas, and the brightness of the screens, they get lost in the crowd of entertainment. They go unnoticed, with no parties, no award show, no praise or thanks from society for doing a good job - those things are saved for the celebrities and the wealthy - and the types of people you wouldn't want near children.
Role models.
I have so much more to reflect upon with this topic.
Mostly because I fail daily at being the kind of parent my daughter deserves.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Perhaps you will someday realize that you are a great parent.
I don't feel that is in the cards for me. Perhaps in hindsight, my daughter will see there were some good bits.
Parenting is an entertaining balance of feeling like you're not good enough (so you constantly look to improve) and accepting good enough over better or perfect (has to be done in some moments as that's all that will work at the time/you're doing the best with what you have/know at the time and also mitigates depressive spirals) and also accepting that you're going to make suboptimal/wrong decisions a lot.
I don't think I've ever balanced ever, it's always been massive swings between OMG THEY'RE GOING TO BE SCREWED UP FOR LIFE and yeh everything is fine
Everyone can always do better but having seen what's around I don't think we do too badly.
I like the balance of mediocre parenting - it makes me feel average! :D I have never been a perfectionist, because I don't have the skill for it, but I often wish I could be better than I have been able to reach, as I often feel that I didn't quite get to good enough.
I know I have said this to you before, but my wife always says that if she could fix the parents she wouldn't have a job with the kids. It's crazy like that. It is so sad how parents want to be their kids friend more than a parent these days and they also as you said want to live their lives and party all the time. Although I don't have kids, I am glad I grew out of that part of life.
MrsBozz must have a good view of this issue. I have several teacher friends who say the same and I also have some friends who are in the category of letting their kids do whatever. They complain about the behaviour of their kids, as if it is not their responsibility.
Haha, yeah, we have some friends like that too. It's funny how shocked they act and don't even realize that they are contributing to the behavior in the first place.
I see some amazing young parents out there. Just blows my mind how together they can be. I think I always focus on the good, because the popular narrative is the bad. However, I hear ya. Parents are overworked, overanxious, overmedicated, over stressed, overstimulated - how can they raise children who are anything but those things?
I think every gen goes through it's horrors and anxieties. But it does seem to be getting worse.
Kids reflect their parents for the most part. Some are able to raise themselves well despite their parents. And yeah, there are some great parents, but are they considered role models? Look at the media and tell me where you see examples of good parents. And unfortunately, the media has a large part to play in people's lives these days - because for most, the community has disappeared.
Dear friend @tarazkp, your reflection shows honesty and concern which, far from being a sign of failure, reveals how much you care about your daughter. Parenting is not about being perfect, but about trying every day with an open heart and learning along the way. There are no magic formulas or ideal parents; what makes a parent great is recognising their failures and moving forward with love. You are already doing that by questioning and pushing yourself, and believe me, that makes you an extraordinary dad. Smallsteps has something invaluable: a father who is present, aware, and willing to do his best. That, my friend, is more than many can say. Keep going, because you're doing a beautiful job!
My fear for her is that she is going to live in a world dominated by peers that haven't been raised well, and who don't respect or understand other people. A world of purely selfish people only looking to satisfy their own desires. There will be outliers either side of the lowering average too.
Beautiful thoughts of you, with your own code of considerable life experience. I believe it's has been a general issue to distract parents and children with the evolution of the technological advancements, most times, I wonder how children developed their own system behaviour, with random characters. Even some have developed like with their own secrets code of conduct, leaving family behind.
You can imagine a boy of four years doing or acting in a manner to compare with a thirty four years man.
I can understand the fact that parents mostly haven't been able to understand the fact that some children are gifted from birth with essential ability to make some decisions without the parents.
Thanks for sharing your perspective and thoughts.
Children seem to be raised in an artificial environment, looking at characters on screens as if they are reality. The problem is, they are coded, which means they aren't expressing the full range of movement, words, sounds. It is a limited experience. Even looking at real life actors it is limited in range, or overstated in expression. It is no wonder kids are worse at reading people's intentions.
Children today are really insecure. They want to be more free and there are many options out there for them to make mistakes. If a child is not a good person, it is not entirely the family's fault. First, the child should be a good person, and then the family should offer him better options.
I am not sure if a child can be blamed for their goodness, if they are raised in an environment that doesn't support it.
Despite the disadvantages that the current generation lives with due to digital addiction, technology has made it easy for many to access knowledge and Education has become easier, but there is also a tendency to entertain and live for the moment instead of taking on responsibilities.
The role of parents today is not easy, but it has never been easy in any era
Theoretically - but if it isn't put into practice, people aren't getting educated. Most I feel spend their time in areas that are not overly valuable.
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