As many might have seen over the last couple years, there is a loneliness epidemic sweeping the world. Yet, while people are concerned about the cost of living, war, trade tariffs and what Kanye is up to - no one really seems to care that society is just crumbling apart at the seams - which I think is an indicator of why there is a problem in the first place. And as is the norm of the moment, the generations most afflicted by loneliness - are the young.
Who could have predicted that raising children on screens to keep them quiet would lead to them having social issues in the future?
As I have said many times prior, a lot of what we do is driven by convenience and this pushes into so many areas that impact our lives. For instance, parents who sit their kids on a screen at a restaurant or in the car to keep them quiet, are doing their children a disservice. Children aren't meant to sit still and quiet - they are meant to be curious, asking questions, and learning how to behave in different environments. Sitting a kid on a screen means they behave consistently, conveniently, but in the same way in multiple situations.
They are sitting in isolation.
There is a difference between "being alone" and being lonely. It is very possible to be surrounded by people, and still feel a sense of loneliness. As I see it, there is a lowering of deep shared experience between people, and this leads to a reduction in intimacy and that sense of connection and belonging. The internet spaces created to make people feel part of a community, are like aspartame - a cancer-causing substitute. And even those places are driven by trends, rather than connection, so people are not committed to those there - they are not in it for the long-haul, and no one really knows each other over time.
The lost unknowns.
And I think this is a good place to mention another reason that people may be feeling lonely - because no one knows who they are. The irony of people demanding to be treated as an individual, in aa world where that same person doesn't care about knowing other people, shouldn't be lost on society. People are isolating themselves as special snowflakes, and are far less accepting of others, and then wondering why they are getting increasingly lonely.
And while some will say "but I am more accepting of different kinds of people now" realise that for the most part, you are probably only accepting of people and ideas that you agree with. And the fact of friendship is, friends don't always agree. But in a world of digital point scoring, people will swing from one extreme to another in order to feel their voice is heard and feel a part of some group, based on a single aspect of the dynamic, as if that is all there is to consider.
The digital space looks at issues as if they exist in a vacuum, but the human experience is influenced by a broad dynamic of influences and interdependencies. If a person doesn't learn how to operate in the dynamic world, they are going to continually find themselves in conflict with others - and themselves. People keep finding themselves "feeling the ick" (pathetic) because someone does something, even something slight, that they don't like and can no longer look at the person the same way ever again.
People expect perfect from others.
But expect others to accept their flaws.
See the problem with creating lasting friendships?
Rather than working out how to operate in a dynamic environment filled with various kinds of conflict, society has instead taken the convenient path once again, creating safe spaces for everyone - right down to the individual level behind a screen. This means that there is less opportunity (and far less will) to learn how to interact with each other, which means that when people do, there is increased discomfort, and increased error, pushing people to withdraw even further from each other, and back into the safe space of their isolated bubble.
We have created a world that favours transaction for convenience, which has made everything disposable. This includes humans, meaning that we have reduced the value of ourselves, because we want to make it easier to stay in our bubbles of security. We don't want to hear the voices of those we disagree with, other than to score points against them. We don't want to be exposed to random interactions so we close ourselves off behind screens and headsets. We don't want to engage with people who might make us uncomfortable.
We put ourselves in a constant state of sensory deprivation.
We are creating a life of withdrawal from the world of interpersonal interaction, as if we are all on the autism spectrum, unable to cope with anything that makes us uncomfortable. And then, we excuse our lack of interpersonal ability by labelling it some kind of social disorder, rather than seeing it for what it largely is - societal dysfunction.
We haven't built the technological environment to facilitate social health, and the ramifications of our conditioned behaviours from the way we raise children, to the way we protect ourselves as adults, further exacerbates social dysfunction. We are breaking apart as a species, and breaking apart as individuals, because it is just too inconvenient and too much work, to build ourselves together.
Loneliness is just another of the many symptoms.
Taraz
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I am definitely lonesome. I've probably lost close to 80% of my friends since the pandemic years. I guess it's not so much a loss a it is a drifting. The fissure those few of years of isolation created have had far-reaching consequences. I think making plans to socialize just feels overly stressful to a lot of people now. After five years of increasingly sporadic face-to-face time a lot of friendships have collapsed. At fifty-three many long-time friends I felt would be with me for the rest of my days have become distant now. Texts often go unanswered for days and calls have become few and far between. I miss the richness this brought to life.
The pandemic accelerated the gap, but it was already widening.
I feel much the same. I have friends who I would consider family - and now, I barely recognise them.
I was considering trying to start some kind of group locally. Start with friends and then expand out, just to see if people are interested in building a community again.
I guess I hadn't noticed it much before the pandemic, for my inner circle anyway. We're all mostly in our fifties so we're probably a bit older than most. Same here, most of the friends who've drifted I consider family, one in particular like a brother. Over the last couple of years I found myself always being the one to reach out. As an experiment I decided to not do that to see how long it would take him to check-in with me. So far it's been nearly a month without even a call or a text. Before 2020 we'd meet at least once a week. It's very sad but something I've decided I must make peace with. Starting a group is an excellent idea! In fact, it would be a good initiative here on Hive to encourage others to start local groups of their own.
Reading my first post on your account, @tarazkp, I wonder if we would confine this statement to just children:
For a Silver Blogger who did not grow up with this "disservice," it is remarkable how often I see adults at tables and elsewhere doing nothing but stare at their screens. One standout example being out with one near and dear pointing to a group of 5 young men dressed in hunting garb. All sitting around a circular table, they were not talking to each other, they were staring at and pecking away at their phones. Not for a minute or two either. I never saw them look up the whole time we were there, including their efforts to pick at their food then look back down at their phones.
It was a sad spectacle.
No question of this and we are only beginning to experience the inevitable consequences.
If you sit around and watch a group of young people, even when they are talking to each other, they are rarely able to look at each other's faces - instead, they look over the shoulders, as if searching for something more interesting to grab their attention.
True. The damage to the attention span of our younger generations is another aspect of damage done, with consequences still in the early stages of even being acknowledged.
What has been your experience, when these young people get together and actually manage to strike up a conversation, with having one of their phones indicate they just got a message or similar? Can they keep their focus on the person they are talking to? Or do you find most simply seem incapable of not turning away to check on what notice they just got?
Not to be crass, but Pavlov's Dogs come to mind. The lack of regard and respect for those with whom they are supposed to be sharing good company is just another aspect of the same fundamental problem.
It's a silent pandemic. And it will get worse. I'm trying to be aware of that and keep my focus on creating long-lasting relationships. I can't plan sudden impacts, though, like my daughter moving in with me. I lost a lot of relationships due to that, as not everyone is able or wants to adapt to my new responsibilities and changed schedules. I got to know new people, of course, from school. And they're nice. But I don't know them for 5-10 years. It's not the same.
My best and most present friend is now someone who lived here for a few years, and then moved to Serbia. We talk via voice messages, so we don't have scheduling issues. Funny enough, those are among the best conversations I have ever had.
I fully agree.
The relationships are getting shorter. These days, it is rare that people have known each other for years and years, seen the changes in each other, gone through the hard times, smiled with the good times. Relationships for the young seem only there when convenient - but that isn't how friendships work.
It reminds me of playing games with one of my brothers in Australia. We would play and chat about all things. I miss that part of it - even though I don't miss gaming.
Thanks to you I'm now on YouTube search what is Kanye up to?
But with the kids and loneliness, if you look at gaming you'd realize the same training. Video games means almost no interaction with other people. Yes they have online games but that means you're good virtual but not real life. This is more of an effect of the new culture based on what we call innovation and world advancing
:D - I have no idea what that fool is doing. I just saw the name in passing and grabbed it.
"Real life" seems to be getting substituted out with virtual life. People seem to have the belief that they are interchangeable, without remembering that we are physical beings.
we are physical beings not virtual you're right
Add to all your points the increasing culture of online remote jobs.
They may be great opportunities in many senses but for young graduates it is a clear disadvantage as they miss all the interactions of working in a social environment.
They see this as a perk of the job, without realizing it takes away from their lives.
Socializing has always been a bit hard for me. It's not that I wasn't put into situations like that when I was younger either. I can only imagine how hard it must be for kids these days that are never put into those situations.
They seem to be struggling in so many ways - yet at the same time, unwilling to explore the real reasons why - because that means they would have to change.
Change is hard for sure. So worth it most of the time.
Yes, it is an epidemic.
You see them alone with the machine, with the digital device.
Maybe that's why they don't feel alone.
And yes, this loneliness thing is just another symptom of the human dysfunction we see today.
But it is good to reflect on this, to instill other values in education, I don't know, to do something.
Greetings from Venezuela, @tarazkp
I think they feel it whenever they look away, so they keep looking at the screen to avoid facing reality.
Yes, that's right.
The great paradox.
I am not alone in front of the screen, but reality places me in the social void...
If we are now addicted to technology and unconsciously renounce physical interactions, imagine what will happen when various companies promote virtual reality. There may be a small group that will resist these new technologies, but the vast majority of people will be literally intoxicated and imbued with fantasies, illusory pleasures, we will lose independence and life, which is the most important thing we have in this world.
For sure. I am pretty certain it is already happening to some extent, but once those worlds are compelling enough - there is no escape.
I think that some parents today are not ready to raise a child or even marriage. As they are fed up with the difficulities of rasing a child. I have a friend, he has have a field day when his child is away :)
No one wants to grow up these days. They think that the best part of life is when they are young, so they want to stay there forever.
Right, when young with less responsibilities.
I'm not alone. I discuss the latest news and YouTube videos with my wife at dinner. In the evening, I talk to my children about various fantastic topics. Now I'm writing a comment on Hive.
As said, alone and lonely can be different. A lot of young people today are surrounded by people - still are lonely.
If you haven't seen it, I recommend you have a look at the film "Surrogates" (2009); it might be a taste of the far future.
I am not sure if I have seen it, but I know the name.
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STOPWe’ve built all this tech to connect us, yet people are lonelier than ever. kids on screens the whole time, first thing they touch in morning and last thing before bed. No wonder social skills are struggling. And friendships even looks like they’ve become disposable. One disagreement, and it’s block, unfollow, move on. It’s definitely time we put down our phones and actually connect
Check out this relevant Art of Manliness podcast! It also covers aloneness and loneliness while grappling with some of the issues you mention.
yes :/