While only mid-week, I am looking forward to it ending, as there is too much going on at the same time at both work and at home. Work is pretty crazy, but that is nothing new I guess. However, this week Smallsteps is having a small procedure at the hospital to test some things. She will have a tube into her stomach to monitor and suffice to say, she isn't looking forward to it.
It was not the worst when I had similar done (feeding tube), but I was eighteen.
I remember a couple days after she was born and she was still in the intensive care unit, I ran into a client of mine with his doctor wife. I explained what was going on and she said how for the kids who have a rough start, they often have easier times later.
Smallsteps is due some easier times.
Her life is definitely not bad if compared to some, but that comparison matters little to an eight year old, or an adult even. However, there is also a difference in whether the discomfort or pain is suffering or not, which I think comes down to the reasoning behind it. When there is a "good reason" for the pain, humans are able to endure a lot quite easily. But when there is a poor reason or no reason at all, it becomes suffering instead.
I think it is a mix of whether there is the perceived potential of growth from the circumstance, some level of control over the situation, or gain at the other end of the tunnel. But, when there is little seen gain of any kind, it just becomes a type of torture. Recently, Smallsteps has been asking more often,
"Why me?"
And there is no good reason. It is just the luck of the draw in life. Some people have relatively pain-free lives, others are under pressure constantly. While humans have some sense of "fairness", nature doesn't have any care for it at all. Things happen, things don't happen. That is about it.
We can affect some of our conditions though, which gives us agency. Having agency is part of that model above I mentioned where we can add some meaning to circumstances and our resulting actions. Even in failure, we can say we tried, even if we suffer the same fate as if we had done nothing at all. This speaks to it being the "journey" rather than the destination, as if it was just about the result, it wouldn't matter how we got there.
But it does.
A person has five million dollars in the bank.
- They earned it as an entrepreneur
- They inherited it
- They stole it
- They won the lottery
Does the "how and why" they have the money, matter? I think that most people would say it did, even though for all intents and purpose, the person has the same five million to spend as they wish. And while it might be easy to judge from the outside looking in, it is likely that the relationship that the person has with that money is going to be different than had it been collected through a different way.
We tend to value what we have sweated for higher than what has come easily, and I wonder if this applies to how we feel about the people we interact with. After all, investing into people and our interactions with them is how we build social capital, so if we have to invest more, do we end up valuing them more? Does it apply to our children? I don't know. But I assume so, because it seems to apply to everything else we invest our effort into.
Meaning might be hard to find for many of us, but maybe it is because we are looking for meaning first, rather than investing into something enough that it becomes meaningful. For instance, I think a lot of people don't like their work and would rather do something else, but if that work was what allowed a parent to provide for a sick kid, I think that it still wouldn't be fun to do, but it would move from "suffering the work" to having meaning for the work. There is a journey, involved, a path toward the desired outcome.
A meaning to an end.
It is not just a way, it is an experience. And like it or not, we value the hard experiences in our lives more than the easy, because we had to work to overcome them. It is much like the weight of a loss being twice that of a gain, because there is more impact in the negative aspects of life. But, if there is just negative experience with no light at the end of the tunnel, no reason, no growth, we feel hopeless and what we do, becomes meaningless.
Is what we do, worth it?
It probably isn't about what we are doing, but rather, why we are doing.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Sending you all best wishes and strength.
Cheers :)
I am so very sorry the little one has to go through this. It's true others have it worse, but this is happening to her. We want to protect our little ones from everything, and yet we can't.
If there is anything to be gained from this (besides important information), it is that she will be toughened for challenges ahead.
My dear brother just passes away at 81. He was so sick at her age. He spent at least a year in the hospital and a couple of more years as an invalid. I always felt terrible about that. It was a tragedy for me. But when he grew up, he was the strongest person. He took on all challenges without fear. It seemed hardship made him stronger. When he died he had seven grandchildren, a successful business, and stature in his community.
Good luck. My wishes and thoughts are with the little one.
Exactly. Experience is personal.
My condolences. It sounds like he lived a good life and has made an impact, even if the end of it was hard. Sometimes, I think that we are living just a bit too long these days - alive, but only surviving, not really living.
🦋🌈
"Why me?"Oh dear, the poor little thing, I hope she isn't feeling too down with all she has to go through. It's a little worrying when she suddenly feels differently, hopefully it's just a little phase she's going through and she will continue to stay strong 💪
She is in this weird age as well, because she is becoming far more social and sees that her friends don't have similar issues. She feels a bit like an outsider with them.
Or because she's special. Some kids love the attention when they're 'different', hopefully she'll see it that way and feel better
I don't know what the procedure is and what for, but I wish smallsteps gets better soon. I had asthma when I was very young, and I had to be rushed to a nearby clinic or hospital for nebulizer whenever I had an attack. I barely remember it now, and things usually get better.
Do you still have asthma? A few of my friends always had Ventolin with them.
Smallsteps has mild asthma and while I never had it as a child, I got it as an adult - weirdly soon after my first ever vaccinations for a visit to Egypt.
This is what I am hoping for her also.
Nope, I was able to outgrow my lung/breathing asthma. But I did develop a lot of complications. I had skin asthma when I was growing up, and allergic rhinitis almost all my life. The skin asthma went away for a long time but recently came back. I now have constant/chronic inflammation which I think is related to these as well.
It might sound bad, but I'll take these over having difficulty breathing. There are also medicines and routines to take care of the symptoms. I take antihistamines for the allergic rhinitis. I drink lots of water and use moisturizing lotion when my skin asthma flares up. I guess one just gets used to it.
I wish your little one the best of luck. That has to be hard. All the questions with no answers can't make it easy either. I hope this season for her is temporary and she can get back to exploring and experiencing the world soon.
It seems to always be something with her. I really hope that she will grow out of most of these things so that she has an easier adulthood.
I hope so too! This adversity will definitely make her a stronger woman.
Smallsteps seem like a very strong girl and I’m very sure that she will get over this
I hope you take a good care of her
Wishing @smallsteps well. She'll get up stronger. And her easier days are already here.
I just did a video chat with her and she seems ok; she's always been pretty brave when it comes to these things. She was showing me how the machine operates, what buttons she has to press and all...clever little monkey.
Anyway, a video chat is happening Sunday as usual.
She was pretty good in there. Did she tell you that mum almost fainted? :D
Yep. Talk Sunday.
Yeah, she had to lay on the floor for a while and smallsteps had to look after her, gave up her juice box for her I think. Lol.
Always stunning images...Greetings @tarazkp