When I was young, my grandfather lived with us in the family home, with his woodworking shed out the back filled with tools, a darkroom where he developed his own colour photography, and a sense of humour that was for the time, considered Australian wit - clever, cutting, but never cruel.
In many ways, he was a role model.
I was twelve when he passed away, and due to a fall that broke his neck four years prior, dementia had taken him rapidly, as he lost his mobility, and could no longer drive. Maybe it would have got him anyway, but up until that point, he was in pretty good nick for an old fella. I wish I had been able to spend more time actually talking with him about his experiences, but at that age, I didn't ask the right questions. And even if I had, I was likely too young to fully appreciate the replies.
Back then, there were family friends around quite often of the kind we would call family, not friends. They were my uncles, one from eastern Europe who fought in WW2 against the Nazis and emigrated to Australia with his wife, who was a prima ballerina before the war. Another, a Persian who left Iran due to persecution and become one of the foremost in his field of science globally, was another uncle - his children my unrelated cousins - big sisters in a way. Again, these people were role models.
It is not that they had left perfect lives and I am sure that they made many errors along the way, but they were people who one could look up to and see the value they bring to the world. One in the work he still does today, the other in the way he was, like a quiet philosopher who had seen the worst of humanity.
My father was another person who I think many saw as a role model and I have written about here, many years ago. A good man. a skilled man. Someone who did a lot for people to the point it might have been too much, but what made him good was that his heart never had cruelty in it. There was occasionally anger, but there was never vengeance. I don't want to be like my father in many ways, but again, in many others, he was a role model too.
We all have role models.
They influence and shape us, guide our thoughts and actions and will impact on who we become, what we become, how we treat others, and how we consider our place in the world. Yet, with the changes in society and culture, are the role models healthy, are they even there?
When I was a kid, superheroes used to be the kind of people kids wanted to be like, because yes they were strong, but they were also good. Nowadays, it is hard to tell who is the hero and who is the villain. And while this might resemble reality and be more relatable for the audience, the whole point of superheroes is that they are super. They are not meant to be like humans, they are meant to be more than human. They are meant to be the shining beacon to lift ourselves toward, not someone that makes us feel comfortable to stay the same. Now, the only difference between the superhero and me, is they have powers.
In my opinion, the breakdown of society has led to a situation where we are less connected to others, our circles of friends have become transactional acquaintances. And instead, we look globally to people who are selling themselves for attention to be our guiding force, the ones we want to imitate, our role models for ourselves, and for our children.
Yet, if we really wanted healthy role models, we would surround ourselves with the people who we can admire locally. Real people, people who have built themselves in the background, who have put in the work without looking for attention, who have overcome unimaginable challenges right there, next to us, surrounded by the same environment that we inhabit. People who have varied pasts, but have come into that environment and kept on shining.
I wish my daughter was surrounded by shining lights.
I wish there were more good people in her life.
But we don't live in that world anymore, where good people interact openly in ways that it is clear that they are good. We no longer get to know each other well, we are no longer open to even talk with strangers, unless we want something from them. The community has largely gone, and people are instead looking to maximise themselves, which makes sense, because it is the path of the media influencer. The celebrity role model. People who aren't celebrated for their skill, but desired for their personal lives, which are lived publicly. And if that is what their public persona is like, imagine behind closed doors.
It is no wonder that men follow people like Andrew Tate.
Because in the community, male role models are few and far between, and the only ones that get attention, are those who make enough money to command it. People no longer want to be good, they want to be rich. And if anything, being good is a roadblock to wealth, not an enabler. And the women are no different, looking up to the Taylor Swifts and Kardashians and whoever else is on TikTok as a model of what they should look to achieve in their lives.
The media isn't filled with skills, it is filled with personalities.
And those personalities are largely false personas - an act.
We are what we eat.
And just like how the majority of humanity is overweight today, yet starved of nutrition, I think it is the same for our role models. What we have on our role model plate is fast food with no substance, that tastes good, but leads to illness. We aren't surrounded by healthy choices - we are bombarded with over-processed, over-sweetened, unrealistic, substitutes.
We crave goodness.
Yet eat cardboard cutouts.
When my daughter looks back on her childhood.
Who will she still value?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I'm sure your daughter will be able to look back at both your wife and yourself as good role models, I assume her teachers are generally good people, both at school and at the extra curricular stuff she does (swim teachers, etc). Your daughter has spent some time in hospital, so hopefully she met some lovely people who are kind and supportive there, and then I assume that the friends that you've had over are generally nice people too that your daughter can look up to. Of course, she also has her uncle back in Australia who seems pretty decent and kind.
I think there's a lot more people around for your daughter than may be initially obvious.
Her current teacher is, but not all of her year are similar. Her teacher now is older, experienced, and takes no shit. My daughter likes her a lot.
She has a few people that are close, but I always wonder if they are enough, or close enough. It seems like everyone is far too busy now. However, I also have to remember that the expectations of a child and what makes impact is far less than an adult.
I wish they could spend time together face to face. The phone is better than nothing, but it is not the same.
Maybe. I think we have to make more of an effort though. We are like others these days too - busy, but not necessarily busy doing what we should be doing.
Hmmmm, good point, like you, myself and my sister were left alone a lot during our childhood... and now both you and I are in crypto... so hopefully you can all put more effort into your daughter and steer her away from this terrible fate.
Just thinking about it, left alone is a great thing for building creativity, but it also has another factor, where interactions with others has more impact. These days, people are never really alone as they are on screens - but then they might treat all interactions similarly, as consumptive experiences, rather than participatory.
Superman, Captain America, and Spider-Man strive to be an ideal hero, even if they fail to match their own ideals in some stories. Anti-heroes are interesting, but not exemplars for us as individuals to better ourselves. I enjoyed the Deadpool films, but Wade Wilson is no role model.
Tate is absolute trash, and few Hollywood actors offer a good example in their public lives. Politicians are scum. Families have splintered in recent decades. Religion has faded, and while many issues exist there, it did set a standard for people to follow. Now people get moral guidance from "influencers" with no foundation of their own.
I am not a fan of religion, but it did offer a lot of the needs of humans in some form - community, morality, support, participation etc. We haven't evolved out of our needs, so we put them into places that feel like they offer the same, but they are cheap substitutes that make us ill.
And now we have divisive politics taking that place in the US. It's a lot more dangerous, too.
Same all over the world. populism over policy.
Today you have published such a profound reflection, my friend @tarazkp, that I do not hesitate to comment in advance. I understand perfectly what you describe about the loss of those close role models that really bring value. I think we all face this modern dilemma between superficial influencers and authentic figures that really nurture us as people. I wish we could regain that genuine connection to real role models, like your grandfather or your adopted ‘uncles’, who shaped your life without seeking recognition. Maybe the key is to create small communities again, where we can find and be those valuable examples for the new generations. A fraternal greeting from afar.
I believe this is what needs to happen, and it will impact on many other aspects of wellbeing too. But, there is little drive for it to happen, and no incentive. The world keeps pushing people further apart, by giving views of further away, rather than finding what is valuable close at hand.
That one sure packs a punch. I totally agree with you, it's crazy the types of people that are looked up, the so called modern day role models. The media really has taken control of that area of society, well it's trying it's best too.
I think I'm fortunate in that I live in a place that is still quite removed from that. There are lots of creative folk around, with lots of community events and interaction. Which certainly keeps me sane and is so good for my girls.
But even so, social media has creeped in.
Such an important topic xxx
I feel country areas are still pretty okay. Finland in general is better than many places too perhaps, because there is still somewhat of a culture of going outside, walking the dog. In some countries, everyone just drives everywhere, sits apart staring at a screen, avoiding each other with headsets in.
There is an inevitability to it, but we also have to be willing to set boundaries.
It's pretty sad how quickly the elderly seem to deteriorate after a fall. I have had several relatives who were overall fine and then they had a fall and it rapidly went down hill after that. It's pretty sad and definitely gives me something to be extra careful about when I get older! It's almost better to pick people from history as our role models. It's often unlikely new information is going to come out about them to make people do a 180. On the other hand, people these days seem to always find a way to disappoint you somehow.
Look after your foot strength! It is supposedly an amazing indicator of old age falls.
Yeah. But even then, people go back and rewrite history, judging the past as if it is the present.
Good to know about the foot strength! I will have to remember that too. That is also true about people rewriting history.
I was listening to a podcast about it months ago - interesting!
I still remember some of my teachers from my time at elementary school. It is true some were just "OK" teachers but I recall very well those who stood out as great ones. I agree the way society has changed has made many young ones admire influencers, YouTubers, or any other "social roles" that are there just for money making stupid things to get more audience and money. On the other hand, those around them who are close, friendly, and outstanding leave a deeper impact. We need to be close enough to our children to help them differentiate between "entertainers" and models to mirror.
my dad was my role model- from his example I learned that it is possible to work for myself. Also he seemed to know many things about what was happening in the world and be able to speak with various people about various topics. A traits I seemingly did not inherit.
My other heroes are mostly from anime/ manga. From Guts(from Berserk) and Tokuchi Toua(from One Outs) I learned to never give up in any situation.
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I never got to know my grandfathers, both were dead by the time I was born. Soviet Union was not conducive to human longevity...
I guess in the modern world we have to be role models for our children. It is natural anyway because we have time and proximity and they pick everything up from us.
I get amazed when I see just how much influence shallow public figures have now. Real role models, the ones who quietly do the hard work rarely get the spotlight. We need more of them getting recognition