We have to talk about them. We have to question them. We have to re-evaluate them. We have to discuss them, over and over.
"O bhikshus and wise men, just as a goldsmith would test his gold by burning, cutting, and rubbing it, so you must examine my words and accept them, but not merely out of reverence for me." Buddha
The laws protect the mother for good reason – but they don’t leave room for exceptions. Rules and laws have to consider the possibility for extraordinary cases, only then are they positive.
A man I know who is against gay marriage, voted for gay marriage in Finland. The reason is that he had to fight for custody of the children with a mother who was obviously unfit, and it was a hard fight. He figured, once there is gay marriage, there are also kids of gay couples and inevitable gay divorce - so they have to create rules to actually work out who is the better parent, rather than just assuming the mother.
I don't know if rules are happiness, but they do give some freedom. It is similar to habits that are structured to work, because they can run automatically and with low effort, so that more time can be spent on more interesting things, things where the rules might not be as clear.
Another great post!
Thank you so much for your comment, especially the "tactical vote" resonates a lot with me. Custody over children is such an incredibly delicate thing, and is inseparable to the theory of values. I questioned and question myself every day for it, looked at it in maybe all possible angles, and was preparing to take actions against many rules and against my values in order to give my child what I think she deserves - her well-being was more important than my values. Still, there was always the part of me beating me up about being the best parent possible by being who I am, with all my flaws, but also all my dedication and love. And it's the latter that tipped the scale, for now, and I think all involved won. I hope.
Happiness for me does not entirely come from rules at all. I wrote that with a ambiguous feeling. I might write a piece getting deeper into it, and I probably haven't thought that headline through. Thank you for pointing that out.
Just in case, I didn't put you in the "beneficiaries" to make you comment or anything. I just felt that tagging you and with that the whole crowd following you is like taking advantage of your fame and followers (well deserved, again thank you for this c/ and your posts), and your post did inspire me, so it would be fair to give something back. I don't know how it's usually handled, but I hope I didn't break netiquette with that.