As I have gotten older, I have found it easier to just let things slide. Things that in the past, would just infuriate me. Especially the behavior of some people. How some folk, can just right under your skin. I have also learnt to be more vocal as well, if something happens that I find inappropriate or hurtful. I think it is important to let people know how their behaviour affects you.
But then there are those, who just don't want to hear, mostly because they don't want to look at their behaviour, let alone take responsibly for it. Those are the most challenging interactions for me. Until I learnt to just not interact at all with them. Which is easier said then done, when it is someone who needs to be in your life and for a long time at that.. Where communication really needs to happen, even though every time it does, it's akin to running ones nails down a chalkboard. ( Which to me is hugely unpleasant.)
So I try to find ways, to just let it slide, their behaviour that is. Which is very elusive and draining. There is so much I would love to say to this one person, but I also know there is no point, because it will just get twisted and projected back at me. So I have learnt to stay silent, even when I can feel my emotions bubbling up inside of me, until I want to just scream. (which I must say I am very good at, but not at said person, usually up to the sky or when I am dancing.)
To be honest I think that is what keeps me sane, using my voice to release. Okay I can't say what I want, but I can at least release how all those things makes me feel, including not being able to speak my truth.
Ever since I was a child, I have used my voice to help me release. It started with me singing, singing out loud when I was roaming the countryside by myself. Always when I was by myself. When I was a child I was conditioned to remain silent when I was around others, especially adults. This was out of fear, more than anything else. Because at home, we got in a lot of trouble if we were loud at home.
It took me a very long time, to get to a place where I could be vocal around others, but I got there. Not afraid to use my voice, well except with some. I guess that's why I still struggle with it, because I had to be silent for so long, now I don't want to. I'm doing it, but like I said the emotions keep bubbling up and I keep doing my best to keep them under caps, until the time arises when I can scream.
All photos are mine.
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