These days,
fall upon me, like a heavy dream,
the pain within,
magnified, as I surrender,
To sit, with everything,
that I buried deep,
the anger, that rises too often,
that continues to shake me, to my core.
I lie broken,
propped up,
by my expectations and denial.
They say that healing is painful, that deep healing splits you in two. Leaving you exposed and vulnerable, as your thoughts swim towards the dark. Where you begin to dig through the dirt, beneath the rubble, unearthing your trauma. Navigating your way, past your scars. Trying to be gentle, as you face these treacherous seas. To soften, as you surrender.
This past week or longer even, my Lower back has been quite sore. The pain at times travelling down my leg, especially if I stand for too long. Walking is kind of okay, as long as I walk slowly. I can bend as well, from my knees. It's the sudden movements that hurt, when I go to reach for something, or when I misstep on uneven ground. Jumping and climbing are definitely off the cards. So is heavy lifting and any sort of heavy duty work.
I still managed to get to some of my jobs, the last one being on Tuesday, when I done some gardening work. It started off with some watering and then I had to uproot some plants and transplant them. Most of them were easy to pull up, but there was one, whose roots were entangled with the roots of a close by citrus tree. Which saw me making movements, I really shouldn't have making. But I am stubborn and I didn't want to damage the plant or the citrus tree by being too reckless.
Since then, my back has gotten a little worse. I'm being super careful now and resting when I can, but damn if it is not frustrating. Not being able to move my body as I wish to. Movement is a huge part of my self care, walking, dancing, it's always how I have helped to maintain my mental health. I have felt myself dip these last few days, as my body feels so constricted and my movements are much less fluid. I know that growth is uncomfortable, that I actually need this time, so that I can continue to heal.
All photos used in this post are mine.
I really hope that your back feels better very soon, @trucklife-family. If I were there, I could likely assist, but all I have is my good intentions for you from the jungle. I'd suggest slow, gentle stretching, as that can often help. Happy Saturday! 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙
thank you @tydynrain xxxx
Certainly, @trucklife-family, you're most welcome! Happy New Year to you and your girls! 😁 🙏 💚 ✨ 🤙