This morning I woke up and something completely normal happened—I found myself craving coffee. However this common everyday occurrence was immediately followed by something so bizarrely out of the ordinary that I think I actually heard the fabric of spacetime rip a little bit—I got out of my tent and I did not make coffee.
Now although the question of whether I'm losing my mind or not is still very much open, I can assure you that this occasion was not one driven by insanity. I had simply run out of propane. The canister I thought still had enough fuel for one more day was in fact tapped out. This presented a problem for two reasons: 1) I was feeling lazy and didn't want to drive into town, and 2) I didn't have enough money in my bank account to buy another propane canister.
I pondered my situation over a hearty breakfast of ice-cold slushwater and a few mouthfuls of hardened peanut butter I carved out of the jar with my sharpest knife. So far the day was not off to an ideal start but at least the sky wasn't dumping snow on me and threatening to blow my car down into the valley. I sat there in the driver seat shivering and waiting for the rising sun to melt the frost off the ground and thaw my toes out before the frostnip became frostbite. I thought about starting the car and turning on the heat but seeing as how the gas gauge was hovering on E I decided it would probably be wiser to just stay cold and hope for the best.
I had emptied the last of the naturally iced water from one of my gallon jugs for breakfast, so I reached down to where I keep the backup jugs and discovered that they were all empty too.
Hmmm.
Out of propane, out of gasoline, out of water, out of money and it's 25 degrees outside.
I should probably do something about this, I thought to myself.
Fortunately two things I still had were power to my laptop and a hotspot, so I hopped online and I sold a little bit of this and a little bit of that, and I sent some funds here and then there, and then clickety-click lickety-split faster than Sam-I-Am can say Wham, bam, thank you for the green eggs and ham ma'am, the numbers in my bank account were suddenly a lot bigger.
And you'll never guess what I did then—
I drove into town and I bought propane, gasoline, and water.
Also beer. When I got back to my campsite there was somehow a six-pack of imperial stout in the back seat of my car that I couldn't remember buying.
I think I might be losing my mind…