*ai: self portrait - Wonder *
Circles of My Own Love
I said he was the man you love to hate.
I was young, shattered and feigning whole.
That was the day I became fodder
For relations that killed me harder.
Just a few years free from cult slavery,
No escape, I had gone inward,
Never learned to think it through; I
Spent life reading every facial cue.
Love had always been pain,
Lain on by brutal hands it
Followed my womanhood like a ghost,
A robot, I couldn’t find my voice.
What an illusion, mass confusion,
My brain couldn’t gain a thought,
It was 24/7 fight or flight, and
My eyes could not catch the sunlight.
Time as a teacher is brutal.
Especially when the mind is full
Of notions infused by gloom and doom
From the time I left the womb.
Yet, the soul’s not so easy to kill.
There’s a cosmic essence in human will.
When our eyes finally catch the light,
That’s when the trauma starts to die.
Mother expired, and I broke open;
Found my identity and the rest of me,
Hidden to keep my whole in safety.
The years have allowed me to be free.
I wrote it all out in pages and poems,
Words filled with angst and hope,
Until my skin renewed and my eyes glowed.
I had awakened my own knowing.
DNA dive into the compartmentalized hive,
Found the secrets living inside;
Brought them forth, a powerful force,
To create a life based out of choice.
Now, I feel the joy of my own heart,
No more falling apart from
Unhealed trauma, I have embraced the karma
Circles of my own love. I am home.