Meditation & End of Year Rumblings

I did keep my promise to meditate last night. It was both easier and tougher than expected: I was able to stay calm and let the thoughts flow in and out of my mind rather easily (mostly concentrated on recent events, plus the soup that I was warming in the kitchen lol), but I had a lot of trouble focusing on the "nothing" image that I had created a few weeks ago. I was only able to focus on that for a few seconds in total despite my best efforts. I also didn't fully relax my body and focus on its sensations throughout the entire session, which was maybe 3 or 4 minutes.

All of this is ok. It'll take time to progress and do this thing well. I'll do another one tonight, hopefully with slightly better results.

I'll be going to my grandparents' home tonight and we'll celebrate the incoming New Year there. Fortunately, my grandmother is doing better, but there's a long road to recovery. She has been walking outside a little bit, which is encouraging, as she was initially reluctant; I hope she'll continue because walking is just about the healthiest thing she can do for herself right now.

My mother isn't going to be with us through the entire evening, as she's preparing for a procedure that's taking place on January 2nd. This didn't sit well with me, as it was technically possible for her to stay there, but she has trouble sleeping there, hence it's not an ideal environment for her. I didn't handle this decision well - indeed, gave her a bit of a hard time about it, which is unbecoming of a physician - but we'll have to make do with the circumstances.

Sidenote: this personal bias is why physicians are reluctant to be the primary carers for their own family members. We're too biased!

Anyway, we're ending this year on a rather crappy note, and entering 2025 with the knowledge that there are still quite a few challenges ahead. Definitely not a great end to 2024 nor a great start to 2025. If fate is on our side, 2025 should only go uphill from here. God willing!

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