This is my vacation right now. I've been off of work since the morning of 12/24. Yet, I'm certainly not in relaxation mode, and I'm not going to be doing any of the fulfilling and relaxing things I had originally planned to do (playing some games, going to see some art with my family or colleagues, drawing as a hobby). These are things that I should be able to fit within a 2 week timeframe, but life gets in the way... again. That's pretty much been the summary of 2024 for me. I'm drained and losing myself.
Frankly, I shouldn't feel this way, much less whine about it. Life does have its difficult times, and that's something I certainly should understand is to be expected. There's no point to feel drained about it... just to get through it and then have my fun when there's more time. Not to mention, stop focusing on myself (selfishness again) and focus on my family, who's actually going through significant health problems.
Really hating my selfishness here. Have to again remind myself to stop the self pity and act like an adult.
Nevertheless, I have to keep myself healthy enough to help my family, and that involves physical and mental health. While I won't have time to fulfill myself on a personal level, exercise and meditation are things that I can do.
I have exercised a few times this week after a hiatus of somewhere between 3-4 weeks. I currently have no muscle soreness, and I attribute that to properly ramping up my exercise, plus a magnesium supplement which has made my muscle recovery equivalent to how it was when I was 18 years old. Even though I've used this supplement for a few years, I still marvel at its efficacy.
Meditation - well, it didn't even come to mind this week. I literally forgot about it. I had a period of about 3 or 4 minutes a few days ago when I was outside and just looked up at the sky on a clear day, but that was the extent of me letting my mind go.
It's time to resume that again. Non-work time is quite literally the best time to do that, and I've now had nearly a week go by without doing it. I take full accountability - I should have done it.
Thus, I'll meditate tonight and write about how it went tomorrow morning. I have a feeling that it's not going to be easy today, on account of all the recent health struggles occupying my mind.
We'll see what happens. The important thing is that I continue exercising and resume meditating. Doing anything is infinitely better than doing nothing at all.
That, and stop the self pity and selfish thoughts. My first job is to help my family. I shouldn't even have to tell this to myself over and over, yet here we are.
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