I went to a boarding school from the ages of 13 to 17.
There are plenty of things I could say about that time in my life, including lessons learned from teachers, moments of growth, and unforgettable teenage mischief. Living among hundreds of other teenagers means that learning is not limited to books alone. You learn from one another and sometimes you learn the hard way.
But if I had to pick one thing I learned that shaped me the most, it would be this: when you live far away from your family and the familiar world you came from, you must learn to survive.
And I don’t simply mean doing your laundry, or budgeting your allowance, or having the discipline to study for exams. I mean learning how to survive socially.
Teenagers can be cruel. Such incidents can happen either unintentionally or intentionally. They might say something hurtful or make fun of you. They identify your insecurities and turn them into jokes. Maybe they think it’s harmless fun, but nothing is harmless when you’re the one being laughed at.
In this environment, I learned very early about the importance of making alliances. Not in a shallow or cliquey manner but surrounding yourself with people you trust. You have to find a group of friends who support you and can pull you out of a downward spiral.
My allies helped me in surviving the hard, messy reality of growing up among other kids who were equally confused, hormonal, and emotionally immature as I was. Some kids were nice; others were not. But when you have a group of friends to fall back on, it makes life less shitty.
We were all going through a lot—changing bodies, volatile emotions, embarrassing crushes, homesickness, and struggles with identity. Having kind, faithful friends didn’t solve everything, but it certainly lessened the edges of the hard days. And that made all the difference.
I used to have many friends—boys and girls. This group included not only my classmates but also younger and older kids from various dorms or forms. I made an effort to stay on good terms with everyone. I kept myself out of the drama. I tried not to be a shitty person to anyone because I knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of cruelty.
Boys bullied me, but I wasn’t afraid of them—I even got into a few fights with them. If someone made fun of me, I fought straight back. I wasn’t aggressive, but I wanted to show them that I wouldn’t make it easy for them to have fun at my expense. They left me alone because I was someone they couldn’t easily pick on.
Looking back, I’m grateful for that version of myself. I was the girl who formed alliances and stood her ground. I was the girl who desired peace but wasn’t afraid to push back when necessary.
And I’m especially thankful to the friends who stuck by my side. They were the people who helped me get through sorrow, hormonal chaos, homesickness, and all the bizarre, wonderful mess of being a teenager. I’m still friends with many of them. I still talk to them regularly, decades after we left school. Some of them are now influential people in the community or becoming leaders. I’m so proud of them.
That’s what I learned in high school.
Survival entails more than just getting through the academic stuff. Sometimes it’s simply finding out your tribe and learning how to be that person for others as well.
And as I grew older, I realized that what I learned in that chaotic, communal world of boarding school helped me lead life more effectively, particularly at work. I knew how to read a room, who to trust, how to set boundaries, and how to find my people in unexpected places. That early education in social survival proved to be one of the most valuable tools I carried with me into the real world.
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I can relate with the thought of finding allies or trustworthy friends. I transferred to another school when I was in elementary so the first year was really a difficult time for me. Thankfully, I befriended a group who accepted me as I was. Adapting to one's society is indeed a survival skill. Navigating this chaotic world is a challenge so having reliable and supportive friends makes a great difference aside from having a loving family. Your experience in that boarding school prepared you for the future challenges at work settings and the society in general.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can imagine how hard it must’ve been to transfer schools at that age. Those early transitions can feel overwhelming. I’m so glad you found a group who accepted you as you were. You’re right, adapting to social environments is absolutely a survival skill, and having kind, supportive people around us really makes all the difference. I truly believe the friendships and challenges we navigate in our younger years quietly prepare us for the bigger world later on. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🙏
I remember my teacher saying that if you want to survive outside school, you need to let the school pass through you and I think that is what you’ve talked about. I also was in a boarding school at some point in my teenage life so I understand you. The way those years have shaped our lives is something we really don’t talk about enough.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing that. What your teacher said really resonates “let the school pass through you” is such a powerful way to put it. Boarding school experiences can stay with us but we usually don’t realize until much later. I agree, we really don’t talk enough about how those teenage years shape how we move through the world as adults. I’m glad you could relate, and I appreciate you taking the time to connect with my post.
I admire your courage and bravery my dear. keep it up.
When we live in a boarding school, we have to be courageous; sink or swim, they say, or other kids, especially the mean ones, can trample on us. Thank you for taking the time to read and engage 🙏
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⋆ sᴜʙsᴄʀɪʙᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ
⋆ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ ᴠᴏᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴀɪʟ
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