I have lived more of my adult life outside of my home country than in it. I have lived nearly the past 2 decades in South East Asia and for the most part it has been a wonderful ride. I really can't imagine living anywhere else and the times that it has come up I kind of dreaded the idea of relocating to another part of the world. I am middle-aged now and will do whatever it takes to stay over this way.
In that time I have run into a lot of expats living in the various places I have called home. I regret to say that very few of the people that I met at the beginning of my time here, are still here. There are a lot of things that can go wrong for people if they don't plan correctly because when you are not living in your home country, there are a lot of difficulties, such as obtaining and keeping visas, that are going to make your life a lot more complicated than you would probably prefer.
I would say that more often than not, people fail at attempting to call this part of the world their home. For starters, there are only certain types of people that should even attempt it and as I outlined in part 1 and 2 of this series, people with no access to finances or people who are susceptible to addiction should instead consider this part of the world a vacation area rather than a home. But there is another type of person that should probably stay away as well and I will talk about this today.
People that are prone to depression or loneliness
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One of the major downsides of living over here is the fact that a great deal of the population doesn't stick around very long. You may spend months making a wonderful friendship or even a romantic relationship with someone and then they have to move away. I don't have very many friends that have stuck it out in the long-run because of various reasons but most of them are because they couldn't find gainful employment that was worth having or the alcohol and drug culture of the expat community over here was too much for them. This results in a "revolving door" of sorts as far as the people you have access to are concerned. Being introverted is going to work against you badly over here and if you are the kind of person that can't handle being alone or are someone who gets depressed easily, this is not the right place for you.
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People have this wonderful idyllic notion of what life is going to be like over here such as the photo above with a gloriously beautiful beach and peaceful nature. These places do exist but that is not what your life is going to be like most of the time. Most of your life is going to be surrounded by noise and cement buildings that are all the same.
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The below image is far more likely to be a regular part of your day than the top one. I know that I can go to the roof of my building that I am in right now and see the ocean, which is nice, but if I look in the opposite direction it is just mile after mile after mile of very boring and dare I say, depressing architecture as far as the eye can see.
Just like anywhere in the world, the photos you see online highlight the wonderful parts of a place and don't really show you what it is actually like. Chances are you are going to be living in some level of a concrete box somewhere with rather shoddy furniture and you will spend your days looking at monitors just like almost anyone else in the world.
This is easy enough to get past because all you have to do is only look the one direction but it's the human connection side of things that gets to a lot of people because the reality of the situation here is that there really aren't that many people for you to turn into your circle of friends and even when you do get some good buddies that you love hanging out with, there is a very good chance they will abruptly leave your lives as they move on. This will lead to you needing to start over as far as friends and other relationships are concerned on a regular basis.
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If you are not the kind of person that can handle this situation than this is not the right place for you to relocate. Or if you are the kind of person that needs to have access to your family it should be evident that SE Asia is Very far from almost all western countries. I only get to see my family at most once a year but I am the kind of person that is ok with that, as are they. So it works for me but I do know people that really struggle with this and they relocate here not realizing that this is the case and when it gets to be too much for them to bear, they have to spend a lot of money (or a lot of their family's money) in order to correct the situation.
Others use the bars as a way of meeting new friends but I'm here to tell you, the kind of people that are always at the bar are generally not the right kind of people to introduce to your life and unfortunately this is a major part of expat life. I do not succumb to loneliness very easily and am just fine being on my own with my dog friend. I do know people that have changed over time when they live here for a couple years though and their mental health suffers as a consequence of there not being a lot of people with which to form friendships with. This being the digital age and what not doesn't help matters very much because people are more difficult to approach than ever since everyone just defaults to looking at their phones rather than attempting to make real-life connections. I suppose that is a different topic altogether though.
I think that if someone out there is prone to loneliness or depression, then visiting this part of the world would be a much better choice than thinking that living here is somehow going to change that. It isn't going to change it. It is very likely to make it a lot worse. Being surrounded by people that you can mostly not speak to is not a great thing for the wrong person.
Just like people that fall into the previous categories that I mentioned, it would be far wiser for most people to simply visit here, maybe even for long stints of time without ever intending to relocate here. I think that just generally speaking it would be wise to give somewhere a trial run such as getting the longest visa you can apply for and then just treating it like a budget-oriented long-term vacation rather than a move. You can always do that later once you figure out the "ropes" of a place and are able to determine without a doubt that you can hack it in that place.
If you are moving to a place because you like the party scene, that is a bad idea to move there. It has been my experience that the "party scene" in every place I have lived in SE Asia simply leads to really bad habits which in turn leads to more loneliness and depression anyway.
People seem to get the wrong ideas as living somewhere is far different than just taking a holiday. Many fall into this trap and I am sure they grow out of this idea fairly quickly as you will miss home if you have not prepared properly. Having 2 homes where you spend 6 months in each sounds like a better idea. Having money obviously helps is it gives you choices and maybe living in a place that fits your budget is the wrong reason.
well I suppose all the people that have moved here only to fail and then go back after a year could be considered people that went on a very long holiday.
It certainly sounds like there are a lot more things to consider than most people think of. The idea that you are switching to easy mode when you cut ties with the traditional lifestyle over here is a clear fallacy. These posts have been a really interesting read even though I don't see myself ever becoming an expat.
you seem like you are perfectly set in just the life that you have and that is great. I really needed to get out when I did and I am glad that I did. Nowadays I still think I made the right choice but I guess I am a little disappointed that some of the things that will be a regular part of your later life, will be things I can't possibly have.
I would imagine it is hard. All you can do is move forward though. It seems that you have adjusted well and you know what to look out for should you ever need to pivot again in the future.
one of the main things that makes me have a few ragrets is that I never got a garage filled with tools :) I'm envious when I visit my friends in USA that did that - which is basically everyone
Yeah, I do love my garage. As I started to grow older as a kid I stopped asking for toys and started asking for tools at Christmas. I still have all of those wrenches and use them regularly.
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