During the New Years Eve, I made a promise to change how I dealt my life especially my feelings. I am only a human who felt the unbearable pain. I just pretend to be okay,to ignore what I been through. There are so many things that I just hide and chose to kept it deep in my heart. Yes, its to hard. It slowly taking my breath away. As if it kills me softly. When I die because of this negative feelings, that means it'd the end of everything. My worth is been being ignored. How I did it? I gave everything but it's useless, its forbidden. I am just a garbage, a loser. Yes, I accepted it down to earth, no complain. How to fight back? I am not a woman to curse anyone. My retaliation acts I do is to pray and ask the Lord God to come calming down those pain. I refrain crying the New years Eve, the first day of 2025 and yesterday at night, once again, the river started to overflow once again.
I sat down on the sofa, no control of crying and they asked me why? I told myself , don't cry! I asked question to myself why I need to cry a lot?
January 1, 2025, I tried not to be emotional eventhough I was shocked the moment the youngest daughter of my boss met car accident with her cousin who drove going to their school. Madam told me and I was worried. Thanks God it was just a kind of mild bruises both the two girls whom I treated like my own daughter.
Some members of the family visited her with fresh flowers as gratification of being safe. I just imagine how if something happened to her. She is my joy while working in this place. We have the mother and daughter relationship since her birth.
She passes the flowers to me. Everytime she received flowers, she gracefully gave it to me too. She is doing it many time since childhood.
January 03, 2025
I am happy looking her mild bruises. We became busy as many well-wisher came to visit her. And what another worries came when the eldest son who have already a family had a surgery to his sinusitis. The more visitors came at home both men and women.
I considered them all as my kids and what their parent felt is also my feelings. Thanks God everything is good and its weekend.
But at night, I never thought that tears were falling down from my eyes. It was flowing like a river for I didn't know reason. I don't want to cry anymore but how could I stop this tears? Maybe it stops when I die.
I went to the dark place in the house of my boss mother, I looked up the mango tree, it's a cold night, I sat down to recharge my feelings then I went home. I slept good feeling tired but I am grateful God is so good,I woke up now feeling better with positive energy enough for me to get up from bed , pray and praise His name!
Therefore, I think I should have not to promise not to cry. It's been a part of the process of healing a beautiful soul.
🤗🤗🤗 hugging @olivia08, I think you're a kind hearted and full of sympathy, that's what makes you easily cry a river for your "family". I wish you all the best and try your best to be more rational. Crying is drying your energy, you need that energy to cheer up the world.
I hope you'll stop crying and smile more. God loves you when crying because you love Thee or repent. No matter what, it's okay to cry happy a tear🤗 take care, dear
Alhamdulillah my dear @cicisaja, thank you for your beautiful words. Yes, I know that crying many times is bad. I beg to God to help me getting stronger. Thank you for your encouragement. I will ways remember those words.
⋆ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ғᴏʀ sᴏᴜᴛʜᴇᴀsᴛ ᴀsɪᴀɴ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴏɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ
⋆ sᴜʙsᴄʀɪʙᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ
⋆ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ʜɪᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴜɴɪᴛʏ ᴠᴏᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʀᴀɪʟ
⋆ ᴅᴇʟᴇɢᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ʟɪɴᴋs 25 ʜᴘ⇾50 ʜᴘ⇾100 ʜᴘ⇾500 ʜᴘ⇾1,000 ʜᴘ
Thank you so much @asean.hive for your support.