I don't know how to be an asshole

[corvidae]

I'm learning to be mean.
Strategically, of course. In the name of the game.
Rude, that could be a better word for it.

Polite doesn't win the game in hockey. Even a Canadian will tell you that.

"I know you can skate," my captain says. "I've seen the clips of your spins and your jumps. But when you catch up to the player with the puck, you stop. Don't stop."
I don't know how to tell her how hard it is to be an asshole, so I lie and say I'm afraid of running into them.

Just say it, Anna.

"I don't know how to be an asshole."

I practice. At home. I play MarioKart battles on my phone with people from all over the world. Nobody knows who I am when I chase them down and peg them with shells and blast them with bob-ombs and run them over with a mushroom boost. None of them point at me and call me a meanie and tell the teacher.

Silly, I know.
But I have to start somewhere.

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This is my entry for the #monomad challenge, held daily in the Black and White Community.
Don't be an asshole. Give it a try.

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Comments

[coloneljethro]

You taking up hockey now? Next question, are you supposed to body check the person with the puck? (I don't know shit about hockey)

I've always had a competitive streak that when it was activated I had zero problems being strategically mean. 'Play hard' I think was my coaches euphemism for it. Ended up coming in handy when I was a clinic escort, we used to joke about how similar some of what we did was to setting picks in basketball, just slide out, get your feet set, and brace for impact.

[corvidae]

Bodychecking is, yes, used as a means of throwing the other person off and getting the puck. But this is a no-check league. N bracing for impact, generally. Happens sometimes, though. Bummed actually, cuz I've been feeling super tired and nauseous and am not going to my game tonight. Been playing since fall, before that not for about thirty years...

I didn't do much athletic stuff as a kid outside a season of hockey. "Weird" life, female, gender roles crammed down my throat, didn't get much conditioning for face-to-face competition. There's still time to learn, though. Learn and grow until I'm dead!

[coloneljethro]

Ah, gotcha. So what are you supposed to do in that coming up on the puck situation in a no-check league?

I was wondering how much all the gender roles bullshit played in that. I was almost always the smallest person playing, I suspect a good bit of my aggressiveness was just compensation for that. Lol, never too late to learn new things, which is why I'm going to be learning how to weave plaid later this month.

Couldn't help but think of this song, so I'm just going to drop it here.

And yes, that's Dave Letterman yelling 'Hit Somebody!'

[corvidae]

So what are you supposed to do in that coming up on the puck situation in a no-check league?

Take it without hitting them. Don't tell the big boys, but it's actually harder. (Even moreso when you don't want to be rude and you don't know wtf you're gonna do once you get it.)

I remember that song!

Have fun with plaid weaving! Sounds gratifyingly difficult but once you get it down you'll be ready for the grunge era all over again.

[coloneljethro]

Ah, gotcha. All three years of middle school our gym class consisted of an hour of 'no blood, no foul' basketball, obliterating somebody is so much easier than actually finessing something like that. Now you gotta get somebody to take photos.

My dad is a big Zevon fan, wasn't sure how much that song had gotten around.

Should be fun, it's at this really neat place just up the road.

[corvidae]

Weaving in the woods!!!!

[nanixxx]

Hahahaha... well done, bad clever girl! I had a good laugh with your strategy to become bad.

I don't know how you haven't learned anything from Zephram... oh, it's just that there are people who don't know how to be like that or can't. 😇

[corvidae]

[nanixxx]

😂

I wonder why he sets aside some nuts...hahaha...he doesn't understand much about sharing, hahaha...I imagined you like that on the ice. You would be an ace.

[corvidae]

From this day forward I shall be a crow and the puck shall be a slick black walnut. 👍