As a young boy, being bored was the absolute worst thing that could happen.
Ok. Maybe second worst thing. Having to go to school is the winner by a long shot in that category.
To counter that boredom I would look for activities to keep my mind occupied.
One of those activities was drawing.
It was during the act of drawing itself that I would and could find total immersion.
And when I held pencil to paper, everything outside of that didn’t matter.
And in my teenage years I found the same immersion and comfort in playing my guitar.
That was many years ago. Decades.
To cut things short, between then and now I’ve been through what they like to refer to as the “real world”.
My outlook and perspective are no longer the same and somewhere along the way I stopped drawing and playing music.
And in the last 5 years I’ve been wondering to myself,
“Why exactly did I stop?”
Now I find that to be a loaded question and the answer to that might just be equally difficult to unpack.
And I’m also not entirely sure.
But if I had to take a guess I would say it’s the mould of modern society.
It was school, it was all my jobs, it was my upbringing. We’re taught at a young age that hobbies and interests are great.....up to a certain age then you have to get real about your future by only doing things that make you money.
In my early 20s I recall just being obsessed with getting freelance work and forcing myself to learn skills after work hours that so I could get better paying jobs at better companies.
The only hobbies I had during those times were casual hobbies like gaming and watching movies. And even that was more of a thing to help me unwind. It wasn’t the kind of hobby that helped build skills.
The thing with most games as well is that when the game is over and you’ve unlocked everything there is to unlock and achieve all the achievements the game is pretty much done. There’s nothing more to do and then you’re back to square one.
Hobbies and learning skills should not primarily be looked at or prioritised as something that can make you money but rather as something that will soothe your soul or as Jordan Peterson often refers to as reducing the suffering in life.
In prioritising the attainment of money and neglecting any sort of pursuit of passion I find myself feeling empty and lost.
The emptiness is even more apparent when I find myself checking my phone for updates even though I’ve already gone through all my social media apps and YouTube recommendations. Twice.
There is no fulfilment from binge watching stuff on YouTube. And yet I find that I can’t help but do it frequently. There is a legit sense of emptiness after spending the whole day doing just that.
It becomes this vicious cycle of me wanting so desperately to distract myself from the fact that I’m not doing anything worthwhile or productive with my life.
My grandmother is in her 80s now. And unfortunately she’s someone who doesn’t seem to have any purpose or passion for life. And it shows.
Every day she just sits down on her chair watching tv and if she’s not doing that she’ll snack on junk food. Or both. And it’s affecting her health.
My grandfather on the other hand is in his 90s and although his health is naturally deteriorating he is still physically active and most importantly still fully there mentally.
The difference that I can see between the both of them is that my grandfather consciously puts in the effort to maintain use of his faculties by doing whatever house work he can.
I don’t have the facts or science to back up what I’m saying. But if the emptiness I feel from not doing anything worthwhile with my life is any indication of the potential hell it may lead to down the road then picking up a lifelong skill might just be worth it.
So now I just have to pick up a hobby/skill.
But that’s another post for another time.