So...Being drunk and unable to walk properly is flat ground's fault. This makes perfect sense and I'm surprised I've missed this very obvious scientific phenomenon in the past. I know now though, and will blame the ground every time from here on out. Lol.
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No other option there. :D
Edit...
Oh, I have one!
"The ground met me too eagerly."
And a second one:
"The ground wasn't there where my left foot wanted to land."