Hello everyone !
I've always wondered how all those people who seem so cool and confident do it. What makes them different from me? Is it really chance? Are some people just born with innate confidence, while others aren't? You might think so. Yet there's a far more fascinating explanation for human behavior.
Most of us have never had the opportunity to trust each other. From an early age, we've been content to listen to the instructions of our parents, teachers, bosses or government. We've been brought up to believe that others know better than we do what's right for us. Because of this, we simply do what we're told, without ever questioning what we really want or how we feel. But the price we pay for fitting in with what others expect of us is to lose ourselves.
By acting this way, you're constantly proving to yourself that you can't rely on yourself and that you're not there for yourself. You see yourself as having no value, no talent, no ability. You feel useless and insignificant, and you end up hating yourself for being so. If you recognize yourself in this description, chances are your current personality was built on what others say you are.
There was a time when I didn't really know who I was. By playing roles to fit in with what others expected of me and to avoid rejection, I ended up losing sight of my own identity. It wasn't until I experienced certain events that completely changed my vision of things and of myself that I began to understand how it all worked. Today, I'm going to share with you the principles that helped me to find myself again and to have more confidence in myself.
Blaming others is a form of denial. It's always easier to say it's someone else's fault, to avoid having to face an unpleasant truth about ourselves. In our society, the victim is always perceived as innocent. If I position myself as a victim, it means I've done nothing wrong and have nothing to change. It's others who have to change, not me. This gives you a good excuse not to face your fears, reflect or make the effort to change. By doing so, you deprive yourself of any opportunity to evolve. Some people will even go so far as to defend their own victim status, finding a thousand and one reasons to justify it. They may indeed have good reasons for seeing themselves as victims, but in the end, whether the reason is good or not, it doesn't matter. The victim is always the loser. If you put yourself in the victim position, you see yourself as powerless. By always blaming others, you reinforce the belief that you are powerless. How can you trust yourself if you keep seeing yourself as such ?
Of course, there are always causes for what happens to us, and sometimes they're really horrible. But when it comes to you and your evolution, you have to take full responsibility. You can't control what happens out there, or how people act, but you can control how you interpret events. I've been through a lot of traumatic situations myself, and that's what drove me to change. I used to see and feel like a victim, and I had very good reasons for it. One day, I decided to question this story I was telling myself about myself. What if it was the opposite? I've been through things that would make most people crumble. I've faced these difficulties, these doubts, these sufferings, and I'm still here. I'm not a victim, I'm a warrior.
The events I experienced remained the same, but there were two possible interpretations. I chose to switch from one to the other, and this simple transition initiated a profound change in the way I perceive myself. You'll never be ready and you'll never have all the information to make the decision to change. So you just have to take the risk. Do the things you'd like to do but have always been afraid to do, even if it means failure.
We hate taking risks because we hate failing. Our self-esteem is so based on always doing the right thing, always succeeding, that we think that if we don't take risks, we avoid failure. But the truth is totally the opposite. You've already lost 100% of the risks you didn't take. In the end, it's not the result that counts, it's not whether it worked or not, but the fact that you went for it, that you showed courage. Did you prove to yourself that you're there for yourself? By showing courage, regardless of the outcome, you're proving to your brain that you're moving from a victim mindset to a warrior mindset.
The action itself boosts your self-esteem. If you never take the risk of finding out if you can rely on yourself, you'll never know you can. Knowing yourself, knowing what defines you as a person and making all your decisions and actions based on your values will redefine and solidify your identity. You'll shift from an identity based on what others say you are to one that you've chosen for yourself.
So how do you go about it? Find your values and always act on them. No matter what happens, stay true to your values. This will give you a simple direction to follow in every situation. Lack of self-confidence is often based on uncertainty and lack of self-knowledge. By having your list of values anchored in your head, you'll know what to do in every situation.
A list of values might, for example, be: I will always do what I think is right, even if others are against me. I'll always look the person I'm talking to in the eye and, even if I feel uncomfortable, I'll carry on. I will never value someone who doesn't respect me. I will always put my authenticity above my desire to be liked or accepted by others.
No one can see things through your perspective, not even your parents, who only want what's good for you. They want it from their own perspective, from what they think is good for you. Their vision of what would be good for you is totally wrong because they don't have access to your perspective on things, to your way of seeing the world. You're the only one who knows what you want, and all you have to do to find out is trust your feelings. Your emotions are like a compass guiding you towards what you really want. There's nothing wrong with doing what's right for you. Stop believing that doing what's right for you is selfish. Saying yes to something you don't want to do in order to please someone else is saying no to yourself. If you keep saying no to yourself, you prove to yourself every day that you can't count on yourself.
But if you live according to your values, you'll be more and more aware of who you are, and your self-confidence will automatically increase because you know that you're acting for yourself, according to your values, and that whatever happens, you can count on yourself.
Image edited on canva !
Certainly, we human beings are so marked by what others expect of us, that we have not allowed ourselves to know our true potential. We are more valuable than we can imagine, but we don't believe it, because we have always been someone else's puppets.
Greetings
You're absolutely right. It's sad to see how other people's expectations can influence our self-perception and limit our potential.
Greetings !