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A few months ago, I was so much in need, and considering the kind of person I was, it took me so much courage to approach a friend of mine for financial help. I asked him to lend me some money and would be paying back once I got my salary for the month, I mean considering the urgency of the situation and the fact that the funds I had on me at that moment, weren't enough, I had to reach out to someone.
When I was done explaining my ordeal to him, he said to me, "I would have so loved to lend you this money, because you are my friends and because I have known you for years now and this is the first time you are asking for my help, but I won't be lending you any money I would only be giving you the money but it would be what I have and that is because I don't need the money back, and that is the amount I can do away with."
I was surprised but then, he went on to tell me the challenges he has faced as a result of helping people and how he had lost friends because of lending their money with the hope of paying back and that he had made a promise that he was never going to lend anybody money.
In his words, "Friends don't thrive well when money is involved" I may likely not understand where he is coming from, but I have a little idea about how it feels to do good to someone and the person doesn't appreciate your effort. Some of us do not need one to sing our names using trumpet telling the world how we were able to help, a simple and sincere Thank You, and you show it with your actions gladdens our hearts and puts a smile on our faces but many are genuinely unappreciative about other people's effort.
Well, my friend says, he doesn't borrow or lend money to anyone, he only assists with whatever he can because he will not be getting back the money and as such does not put much in mind even if the person shows appreciation or not and lastly, his friendship with that person will not end abruptly because the person did not show appreciation or doesn't understand what it means to appreciate people who were there for them or good to them when they needed help.
Back in my University days my final year precisely, I remember housing a total stranger for three months, he came into town to write exams at my school and was supposed to stay with his uncle before and after the exams but unfortunately, that evening when he arrived town, he could not reach his uncle who had already informed before that day.
He called and kept calling but his phone was switched off, so he was devastated and hopeless, saw me and approached me when I was seeing some of my colleagues off after they came to spend the day with me in my house. I took my chances with him and told him he could stay in my place till he was done with the exams.
And throughout the three months he was with me, his uncle never called him, nor did he pick up his calls. Well, he had to stay after the exam since he got a well-paid job for himself and it helped him save for his return as well.
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One day, I went for lectures, leaving him at home that fateful day in his words, it was his day off but when I got back home, he had left already. He left with all my money, including my school fees and a few of my belongings, especially the new clothes and shoes my parents bought and sent down to me with some foodstuffs that week.
It was a devastating month for me, and funny enough I couldn't tell my parents because my dad had warned me against letting the boy stay for the whole three months since I didn't know him that much, but I told him there was nothing to be worried about that he was a good guy and he had nobody in town.
I was able to survive the month and gather up my school fees before the portal closed with the help of my friends who knew what happened and were aware of the guy staying with me and through my baking of snacks that I used to sell.
I have got a lot of stories about being good to people who never showed appreciation, the same way I have stories about people who I was good to and they were appreciative and still appreciative any day and any time we cross paths, so life is a two-way thing.
The funny thing is after this incident with that guy, it didn't deter my good heart from being able to help people or be good to people when necessary. When I was back from service and starting my life afresh, I had to house someone who came to town to start schooling but was kicked out by cousins today, we are still friends and whenever we cross paths, he always thanks me for helping him and being good to him even when I didn't know him.
I was hurt, I cried my eyes out, angry, and kinda regretted why I didn't listen to my father's warning but then, I chose to accommodate him, so I needed to brace up and think of a way out. Truth is, if I ever come across such a person and he asks for my help, I am still going to help him but it is never going to be the same as before.
There will be boundaries, and limits to the way I can help him and what I can help him with, and it would be at my convenience, will not stretch out myself or go beyond my limit just to help such a person because I wouldn't want to be bitten twice.
As much as I wouldn't want to use his past against him, nobody wants to or nobody loves to be hurt twice by the same person. I have realized that humans will always be humans and we will see different shades of humans, some people aren't wired to know and understand what being good or kind means nor to understand what being appreciative to someone who is being good or kind to
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This experience made me remember the time my roommate and I were away. We accommodated this girl brought to us by our hall chairman, before we got back from the holidays this girl emptied our room. Made away with our foodstuffs and kitchen utensils. We reported to our Hall chairman and he trivialised the issue, that was the end of us accommodating sha. I have since learned to be good in a sensible way and not help at my detriment.