All I've had to eat today was seven beers a couple dozen cigarettes and a slice of pepperoni pizza from Domino's so you'll have to at least consider forgiving me for the fact that nothing in today's post is going to make a lick or even a quick peck of sense and definitely nowhere close to a french kiss of sense. On a scale of 1 to 10 the amount of sense I'm not making right now is an 11 and that doesn't even make any sense itself because that's not how scales work. It's like that time our boss walked in drunk off his mind and told us we'd all better give it our 110% today or he'd put all of our names up on the dartboard and start firing us three at a time till we got our act together. I took one look at him and said I'm gonna give you my two cents right now but only because that's all I've got left in my bank account and I'm so fucking over this job that I'm willing to wager it all on one final ferocious outburst, I said all I've got to give is 100% which is what I've always been giving you for about three months now but if you want I can call up my brother and see if he's got an extra 10% of himself lying around that I can borrow but I doubt he'll be interested in working for the shit wages you've been paying us. Then I struck preemtively before he landed a single dart by quitting on the spot. Two others took their exit with me middle fingers in the air all three of us and I heard the rest of the staff waited till the busiest point of the dinner rush then took off their gloves and walked off the line and shut the whole fuckin restaurant down with a line of customers right out the door. How did I get myself to where I am in this rant right now. What was I even talking about. Oh yeah—I'm hungry. Funny how you can just barf up 400 words of nonsense content on an empty stomach like that. Maybe the key to becoming a successful writer is to adopt the kind of diet your doctor says is going to kill you. Anyone want to buy this book I wrote about how you can transform your entire life just by throwing away everything in your fridge and pantry and following The Starving Artist Diet®? It's not just a fad I promise. Only $9.99. Free shipping. I'll even sign it. Anyone? No? Okay. I guess I'll just starve then.
But goddamn what I wouldn't fuckin give for just a lick or even a quick peck these days. I know a french kiss is probably too high of an order for a madman like me especially since pickings are so slim in these small mountain towns but you can't blame a guy for dreaming. Gimme some more of that soma so I can keep on dreaming. Life makes a lot more sense when you're always fucked up. Inflation is out of control, reservoirs are drying up, the Denver pigs are firing randomly into crowds now, Oklahoma is about to execute an innocent man, and the supreme court can't tell the difference between justice and the jizz stains on their robes. You know it's bad when the fuckwads who write the laws don't even try to hide their crimes anymore. Let me know if you want me to join your revolution, I'm 110% already there. All I've got is a fixed blade and a pistol and the unplumbed potential to not be a raging alcoholic anymore but if that's not enough to join your ranks I can also offer you the equivalent of several petajoules of pent rage, my own modern approach to berserkergang if you will. Also I'm generally just a really nice guy and I think we'll get along famously. Fuck the establishment. Kill everyone. Don't ever fuckin talk to me like that again or I will put you in the fuckin ground. Damn, this is definitely some of the best stuff I've ever written. Time to go update my Tinder bio.
Not gonna lie that's a hard act to follow. I think I just wrote myself into a corner. All I ever wanted was to compose poetry and pluck grapes while dancing naked through vineyards as a band of brass and strings and percussion played the praises of all my many brave adventures and exploits around the world. I think that's reasonable. Is that unreasonable? If that's unreasonable then that's news to me and also I don't want to hear it because fuck the news these days. You're a real buzzkill sometimes you know that right? I'd rather put that horrendous WAP video on repeat and let my eyes and ears bleed out for 10 hours straight than ever watch a single 30-minute segment from CNN or Fox ever again. Goddamn I'm hungrier than Twisted Sister right now. I think I'm gonna go order a pizza from Domino's. Everything's fine I'm just a little bit hungry that's all.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Liberty's dead—
Good luck to you.
But hey at least we still got pizza,
Pizza is great.
Thank God for pizza,
I'll take mine with grapes.
What's that Domino's?
You don't have grapes?
Well fuck you Domino's!
Why the fuck wouldn't you have grapes?
I need my pizza to have grapes on it!
Give me grapes or give me death!
If you won't give me that grapey shit,
Then I'm gonna start smoking meth!
Thanks a lot Domino's,
I'm a meth addict now!
What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
Cause I'm a meth addict and nothin rhymes with now!
It's your fault, it's your fault,
It's not my fault it's yours!
I can't think of anything that rhymes with fault either,
Cause I'm a terrible poet!
Here's a stanza about grapes—
It doesn't mean anything!
Just a stanza about grapes,
And I fuckin hate everything!
Fuck pizza, fuck roses,
And fuck violets too!
I hope that all of you die,
And I hope you die real soon!
I'm a really nice guy!
I swear to God I'm nice!
Just put the fuckin grapes on that goddamn motherfuckin pepperoni pizza I ordered,
And everything will be fine!
Where is this martian landscape? I can hear the rocks under my feet. I might need to put it on the list.
fault rhymes with vault and malt (liquor)
now rhymes with cow and sow and wow this might be your best work yet can I buy your book?
😘 <-- that's for Yolo. sorry I'm late.
This martian landscape is in the Elk Range near Aspen, CO. All photos are taken from the route ascending Pyramid Peak. The summit of Pyramid is visible in photo #5. The first photo shows the famous Maroon Bells, which are directly across the valley from Pyramid.
I didn't actually write a book but thanks for the rhymes. I'm taking notes. Also Yolo says thanks for the peck.
Ugh. It's so pretty over there. One of these years Pilot and I will come by and hoof it up one of those mountains. Hoof, cuz, you know, Elk Range.
They's some of the most beautiful mountains in Colorado. Fuck Aspen, though. Aspen can burn.
Also - I believe "hoofing it up" is actually the only authorized method of ascending peaks in the Elk Range.
In that case....
Keep on Hoofin'!
🦌
I haven't eaten yet so I can't help you with fault and roses are always red cuz nothing rhymes with orange on an empty stomach either. Like Dominos.
Roses are blue,
Violets are red.
I think I'm going to make some scrambled eggs.
!BEER
View or trade
BEER.Hey @dandays, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @brandt for you. Enjoy it!Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your
BEER.Eating. Such a luxury.
Yes. Just eat something first so you can give more of you but oh wait, it'll still be only 100% although after eating you might way 10% more than before. Hmm...
You ate! Great! I bet it was the boss. Eating bosses is so underrated.
Oh! My bad! It was grapes and pizza you ate. But isn't it weird to have pizza, or grapes as your boss? Anyway, it's good that you ate. And a hunger poem is always welcome.
I ate the boss, the grapes, the !PIZZA, and then washed it all down with some !BEER. Still hungry too.
PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
@brandt(1/10) tipped @insaneworks (x1)
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Dear @brandt, we need your help!
The Hivebuzz proposal already got important support from the community. However, it lost its funding a few days ago and only needs a few more HP to get funded again.
May we ask you to support it so our team can continue its work this year?
You can do it on Peakd, ecency,
https://peakd.com/me/proposals/199
Your support would be really appreciated.
Thank you!
Dear, @brandt
May we ask you to review and support our @cryptobrewmaster GameFi proposal on DHF? It can be found here
If you havent tried playing CryptoBrewMaster you can give it a shot. Our @hivefest presentation available here on the YouTube with a pitchdeck of what we building in general
Vote with Peakd.com, Ecency.com, Hivesigner
Thank you!
You're such a good writer. And I know you're a nice guy, otherwise the world wouldn't upset you so much. I really hope you come back here one day <3
I hope you're well.
Sending lots of love <3
Thank you, @anafae, it's nice of you to say that :) I might come back here someday, but at the moment I'm just not feeling very inspired. It is what it is 🤷♂ I do hope you're enjoying life. Cheers!
No problem, take your time. I'll be checking your blog every now and then :)
I hope you're well and happy or at least on the way there <3
There's always the option to Thread instead of long post! Especially with the new and revamped Leo interface :D
I've thought about it before. Maybe now is the time to give it a shot.