Being aware that you're the sum of a bunch of personalities, which are both you and really not you at the same time is almost paradoxical, to say the least.
Think of it like looking at a mosaic, up close you see individual pieces, but step back and they form a messy yet cohesive whole.
I think this fractal nature of identity raises an interesting question about authenticity. When we say "be yourself," which self do we mean, really?
You're the strategist, the executioner, the judge of your own actions. These internal roles hardly operate in tandem, with the strategist planning ambitious goals, the executioner struggling to implement them, and the judge critiquing every misstep along the way.
When I come across individuals who are really good at one role, say strategist, I often notice they've either found perfect partners to execute and evaluate, or they're suffering from the imbalance.
From that lens, I kind of understand why people can be so hard on themselves and still pursue growth. It's sometimes not that obvious that our inner critic that causes suffering is also the voice that pushes us toward improvement/becoming better.
Given that I also fall into this camp and have a high standard for myself, the executioner in me is usually overwhelmed by impossible expectations.
Caught between the grand visions of the strategist and ruthless criticism of the judge, this loyal worker self faces a persistent sense of inadequacy despite working harder than anyone would reasonably expect.
Complex, Messy, Adaptive...
Sometimes, I joked that I may need to create another character: the diplomat, who can negotiate reasonable terms between these warring factions of my psyche.
But that's just introducing another voice in an already crowded internal conversation.
From a practical perspective, having to reconcile with these seemingly different aspects of self isn't unlike wearing multiple hats simultaneously.
For myself, the problem is in switching across roles smoothly. I think it takes practice to recognize which aspect of yourself is needed in each moment and to transition between them without resistance or friction.
But then, there's also this nagging thought at the back of my mind on where is the authenticity, in that constant shifting?
Generalist could smile at the thought of specialization both as a necessity and a limitation.
They may understand the value of depth but acknowledge that connections between disciplines usually yields the most interesting insights.
Besides, life doesn't respect our neat categorical boundaries and practical people like me are forced to recognize that messy overlaps and grey areas tend to contain the most truth.
From a purely observant perspective, I think it's quite amusing that this inner multiplicity doesn't necessarily make us less authentic, in that it actually reflects the true complexity of human experience better than any singular, consistent self ever could.
What it does is makes us more human. Complex, messy, adaptive, and maybe, more capable of resonating with the full spectrum of human experience.
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