“Man is the social animal,” they say. Well, I don’t say that man is an animal. However, an individual human and society are bind to each other in a way that they cannot be separated.
Even before we open our eyes in this world, we start experiencing the effect of our relationships on us. The things happening in our surroundings start forming our memories. What our mothers go through physically and emotionally makes an impact on us.
In other words, relationships with other human beings are so vital to our lives that we are not free of their effects even when we are hidden in our mothers' womb.
When we finally enter this world, we come across several experiences via the humans present in our surroundings. Their actions, attitudes and emotions make an immense impact on our own emotions and well being.
For instance if a few-months-old kid experiences more smiley faces, cheering voices and encouraging attitudes he displays more positive behaviours. On the other hand, he receives discouragement and frowns more, he develops problematic behaviours. It demonstrates the significance of people in our lives.
As we grow older, more people add to our lives. More relationships are build: friends, peers, cousins, teachers, colleagues, lovers and more. All of the relationships have their own importance.
Sometimes, we accompany with people who facilitate our growth. At other times, we get in touch with people who are venomous. They spread poison in our lives one way or the other. Their toxicity snatches the piece of mind and creates discomfort.
I am not among those people who form and develop relationships quickly. I have been very selective in deciding about the friends in my life. I hate unnecessary arguments and passive aggressive kind of behaviour.
It is said the more fights are the sign of more love. I strongly disagree. Love doesn’t needs fight for proving its strength. Instead, love makes us respect understand and being compassionate. I seriously dislike the relationship where there is fight every now and then.
I don’t know if this kind of attitude is common in other cultures yet I have found it quite common in my society. When people are in conflict with other people, they wants their other acquaintances also to be angry with them.
They are like, “Either be with me or with that person.” While you have no reason to be at bad terms with any of the two parties, you are forced to create a conflict. This kind of situation is quite troublesome.
When I was a kid, I was had no friends in my neighbourhood. The environment wasn’t safe, so my mom didn’t allow us to build friendships in that surrounding.
When I was 13, we shifted to a new building of flats. The environment there was safe and secure. I used to see some girls of my age in the courtyard playing badminton.
I started going to the courtyard in the evening and became friend with them. I enjoyed chatters and play, but for a very short time.
Soon, I started feeling the toxicity. They used to mock at and backbite the absent member. Sometimes, they would taunt even on the face.
I also realized that there was a need to be extra conscious with them. Something said with good intention was easily taken as negative and then there was a game of passive aggression, arguments and clarifications. Huuuuuuuh! Not my type of people. Not my type of friendship.
One day it happened that I went to a friend’s house (at 1st floor). She was not at home. I went to another’s house (at 5th floor). We started talking sitting in the outer gallery.
After a while, the first friend came back. She called to me from below. The one with whom I was sitting told me to refuse at once. It made me nervous how I should respond. I didn’t want to mess up with anyone.
Any how I managed to tell her that I would come after a while. After she went back to her home, the other one started telling me how bad she was and I should not befriend with her. Bla bla.
The other day when I met the first girl she also had the similar kind of conversation. I felt exhausted. I understood they neither had respect for each other, nor for me.
I didn’t have time to waste on meaningless thing. I didn’t have energy to waste in fights and arguments, and be emotionally drained.
Consequently, I decided to stay away from those people. I stopped going to the courtyard anymore. I didn’t want toxicity. I didn’t want any headache.
This is my participation for Hive Learners Featured contest.
From your story it's obvious that those two women were in an unhealthy relationship with each other. Imagine mingling with those kind of people? It's good thing that you stopped going to their courtyard and stayed away from such kind of people.
Toxicity in relationship are becoming rampant and we just need to give a wide distance from such to avoid unnecessary headaches
You are right, Nkem. We should leave such people as soon as possible or their toxicity would spoil us.
Happy Monday, sister
This is very true.
Backbiting and gossiping is just wrong. And it's crazy that it even happens in every age group. Some women legit become friends just because they have the same enemy and want to talk bad about them.
What's crazier is, these women that backbite are mothers. And so their kids grow up listening to it and feel that's it's okay to talk bad about others.
After a while it just gets exhausting because you know that you can never let your guard down around those people for fear that when you're not there, you'll be the topic of the next gossip.
Oh well.
It was nice reading this. Well done🌹
Morhers have so much impact on the mindset of their kids. You are absolutely right in saying that such mothers make backbiting no big deal of their kids.
Dealing with such people is frustrating.
Thanks for stopping by @zitalove.
I hope you are doing well. I haven’t seen you on Dreemport in a while.
Oh gosh. I have certainly seen and experienced this insecure way of relating, especially amongst girls. I fear if I hung out in the wrong circles I'd see it grown women too but I simply refuse to spend time with people who behave this way.
I love letting my friends love anyone else they want. I love saying kind things about people behind their back. And I would much prefer to stare at the birds or the trees or the water than hang out with people who insist on arguing.
So it seems sister, we are alike in this regard.
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Certainly. We are alike in this regard.
It is interesting to know that this is a common phenomenon among girls across the globe 😬.
Grown up women also seem to behave this way.
I also prefer to stay alone than spending time in such a circle.
Thanks for sending me !LUV. !HUG you back. Hehe.
Hope you are doing well, sister?
I don't know if it happens in all cultures (bitchy women) but I think all societies where there's patriarchal rule (obvious or hidden), i.e. men in charge (of everything!) then it forces girls (who become women) to compete against each other.
So instead of having each other's back (looking out for each other and protecting one another) we stab each other in the back.
For women to be kind to one another they have to feel safe, they have to feel like someone else is going to have their back and they have to believe they're good enough as they are so there's no need to compete. The more I like/love me the more I attract women as friends who immediately have my back and with whom I feel safe, even when I'm being really vulnerable.
So I think it's a tough battle. Girls and women don't set out to be mean to each other, it's a product of a much larger problem. And, as you said, I think it probably happens in many if not most countries around the world.
I dream of a world where women feel safer and, as a result, more of us are naturally kinder to one another.
...
And, yes, I'm well ;) Apparently, I had a little bit to say on this topic. !LOL
Agreed 💯
With regard to my society I also think it fits. Not only because women don't feel safer but they don't have sny other thing to compete in. I mean the ultimate goal of a girl's (woman's) life is thought to have a spouse and be settled in a home dealing with in-laws where there is tug of war among ladies of the household 😑. Whatever young girls grow up seeing, they develop it into them unconsciously and the cycle goes on
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This makes a lot of sense.
Indeed. This is true everywhere.
!HUG for you as you continue to navigate this unhelpful competitiveness. 🤗😔😊
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You are so right,how we grow up determine how we live our lives,the people we grew up with did alot on our character,I'm glad you left that kind of friendship because in no time they will backbite about you too that's if they haven't even started yet
I think they would have already started it. !LOLZ.
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