Finding out that you’re adopted has to be one of the most disconcerting things that can happen to any individual. It has the capacity to turn your life inside out and make you question everything that you’ve ever known. It makes you doubt a lot of things and begin to wonder if things could have been different for you. Yeah, it does a number on those involved.
This is the reason why revealing that a child is adopted is not something to be treated with kid’s gloves. You have to be careful about how you handle the revelation so that the child would not go about seeing themselves differently. It may seem like an easy thing, but for many realizing that you’re adopted will cause a big shift to you. Yes, you’re still the same person you were when you had no idea, however, now that you do know, things are no longer the same.
I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing, instead, I’m saying that the adoptee gets to decide how the situation affects him. None of us choose where we end up. Many people grew up in an abusive home, even though they were with their biological parents, adopted children also end up in abusive homes as well where their adoptive parents take advantage of them. In the same vein, kids can end up with loving parents who can be either biological or adoptive. The truth is you can never know for sure until you end up there.
Also, the situation of the life you grew up with will also determine how you get to react to the news. If you didn’t have a happy childhood, you find out your biological parents were people who could have easily provided that, and it can really mess you up. However, if you had the best upbringing, never lacking financially, in love, and in care, then finding out you were adopted might not make much of a difference. Except just for the sake of curiosity. Especially if you find out that your biological parents are not really the best people in the world.
So, there are a lot of factors to consider. So, for me, I’ll use my own childhood as a yardstick. If I find out that I was adopted, for any reason whatsoever, judging from the kind of childhood I had, I would never feel bad about it. I grew up among the best people in the world and I have to say I hit the lottery when I got my siblings. It’s not easy for all your siblings to be so like you, yet we’re all so different at the same time. Knowing that my people have my back, no matter what happens is one of the reasons I’ve been able to take the kind of risks I take that have brought me to where I am today.
I might, just for the sake of it, decide to go after my biological parents, you know, to find out why I was given away. The story they tell and the kind of person that they are will determine if they get to remain in my life. Because blood or not, I already have a family. We’ve already made so many memories and the bond has been forged through the fire for so many years, it won’t all go away simply because I discovered that one tiny ingredient is missing.
However, I’m not adopted. So, I guess I would never know what it truly feels like. I’m sure that there are people who have gone through such cases. I’m not talking about those who knew right from childhood that they were adopted. I’m talking about those who were suddenly faced with the information when they were adults.
Like I said before, if you’ve not been there, then you’d have no idea how it really feels. But it’s all good. I guess I’m just happy that so many of us have a lot to say when it comes to this topic. It means we all can put ourselves in the shoes of others. We’re doing well.
Thank you for this.
Your perspective on adoption and upbringing is really insightful. It’s true that how we view such news depends a lot on the love and care we received growing up. You’re lucky to have had such a strong and supportive family.
Yeah... that is something that I'd always be grateful for.
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