One major thing that needs to be changed in our culture is the way that we bill the bereaved. People who have only just lost a family member, especially in this part of the world are usually put through a lot of stress; not by the government, or the hospitals, but by fellow kinsmen and people who were basically non-existent when the person was alive. However, at the time of death, they will all appear like a Jack-In-The-Box and start making insane demands.
Personally, burials shouldn’t be something that carries so much weight that comes with so much stress. However, for some reason, the stress levels the bereaved face during this period can be enough to make them forget to even mourn the person they want to bury.
Someone would be seriously sick, and the family members would go around asking for financial aid as they try to pay hospital bills. They will call on extended family members, kinsmen, and others, and many times, the story will be the same. None of them will have anything to give. Most of the time, it’s always friends who have no blood ties to the sick person who ends up donating to the cause.
But then, despite everything and all the money spent on treatments, despite the family having to sell everything that they had for the sick person, tragedy happens and the person passes on. Time for burial comes and suddenly, bills start coming from everywhere. It’s as if there’s a party and everybody wants a piece of the cake. You’d have to settle the women of the community, then the men, then the youth. The church will also come with its list. All the groups and societies that the deceased belonged to when alive will come for their own cut of the pie.
By the time everything is added, a simple burial would total millions of naira! Like, if the bereaved had that kind of money, would they have been going around asking for financial assistance to pay off hospital bills? Funny enough, many of these people demanding all these monies were all around when help was being called for, they all knew but said that they had no money. This means that they very well know that the bereaved have no money, yet they keep making such exorbitant demands.
Sometimes, the things that are asked for during burials will shock you. Cows, chairs, drinks, food, money, clothes. As in, is this a wedding or a burial? Sadly though, as long as it’s a burial, the money will always find a way of coming out. For some reason, people just love to make donations when it comes to burial. Those who claimed not to have money when the man was sick, will suddenly have money when he’s dead. So, even if it’s 10 billion they’re asking for, it’ll come out.
But then, I must say that not everyone is that lucky. If you have good kinsmen, they might be willing to let go of some of the items just to make things easier for the bereaved. However, some people are not that lucky. It’s sad really, how a person’s death can be made into such a spectacle. The amount you’re willing to spend during the burial will determine the kind of burial the dead person gets.
It’s just painful and no matter how many ways I look at it, it doesn’t seem right. There are some things that have to be changed and I feel that it’s only in our generation that such changes can be exerted. We have to be ready for such changes because it’s no longer funny. Someone who’s earning 150k per month shouldn’t be expected to host a burial of 2 million naira! It’s only in this part of the world that such a system exists.
I’m sure that with time, we’ll be able to come up with a way whereby one would not be such an integral part of the things that we have to do as individuals, as a community, and as a tribe. May God help us all.
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STOPThe revamp is important, we have too working towards changing old practices like a 14 days console time after death, and then extravagant expenses upon feeding the village and relative and priest. Not everyone is capable of such things. Looking into this matter, the community were informed and waiting for some drastic changes to be adopted sooner.
The way some bereaved are being treated just for them to bury their dead in our culture is quite unpleasant..... sadly, it's what it is and I begin to wonder if in this life, people will begin to rethink and adjust some terrible cultures
The painful part is the church...this one will open register and check bills from 30 years ago ..is either the family of the dead pay or no burial
So sad