When it comes to discipline, it’s not a one-size-fits-all scenario. Parents will always pool from their wealth of experience, using what they learned while growing up to apply to raising their kids. Some choose not to use the same methods used by their parents, while others use the very ones used by their parents. Either way, they try to make it work.
Sadly, there is never a sure answer to this because it doesn’t matter if a parent is following a model handed down from ten generations of parents, the child in question is what makes the situation unique. They could do everything right and still end up having a trouble-child. In the same way, they could be wayward parents who don’t care about the well-being of their child, but that child could grow up to be a functioning member of society. There is no set standard for how this works.
In a family of multiple children, it’s easy to see some siblings being different. After all, if they were raised by the same parents, shouldn’t they have the same character? That’s often the case, but not always the case. Because sometimes, what works for child A, B, and C, may not work at all for child D. So, how then do we have all that handled?
Some parents use the same methods theirs used on them. Since their parents flogged them, then they choose to flog their kids from time to time. However, those who knew the effects flogging could have on the kids swore never to try such. And because of that, they would never even own a cane in their home. Parents would either follow the footsteps laid out for them, or they would carve new ones out.
And that’s what’s going on with parents of today, many of them are carving out new paths. Children are being taught to be more confident in airing their opinions and saying what they want without being ashamed, parents are learning new inventive ways to teach corrections. Simply because not everything can be solved by pain and fear. As a matter of fact, nothing can be solved by pain and fear.
A lot of us were flogged when we were raised, but it didn’t stop us from doing the very things we were flogged for. We were flogged for playing in the wrong compound; the next day we went right back there. We were flogged for stealing meat from the pot; yet we always went right back to it. Flogging didn’t make us stop doing it, it only made us more cautious when doing it and learn new tricks to cover our asses.
The truth is, when dealing with children, the last thing you should do is think they’re not smart. Or they don’t know any better. That’s where you’ll be wrong. If something is bad for your child, tell them why it is. Simply telling them not to do something, or simply telling them that it’s bad won’t cut it.
You don’t want your child to steal? Tell them why stealing is bad, what it deprives the victims of, and what happens to those caught stealing. You don’t want them having premarital sex? Tell them about the dangers that come with it, the risk of unwanted pregnancy, and the infections that could come as well. Don’t just tell them that something is bad, tell them why it is bad. Because if you don’t, they’d try to find out for themselves.
The messages you refuse to tell your kids, someone else will tell them, and they will only show them the good and fun parts. The kids will find out the bad parts themselves, and it won’t be funny.
So, how do you handle discipline if your kids still go ahead to do something off? Well, let them know that there is a price to pay for what they did. If someone was hurt, make them see the person and apologize to them, hell even help them. You can ground them and withhold their toys. Let them know that actions have consequences, not just for them, but for those affected by their actions as well.
This reminds me of a time when a boy in my former neighborhood got into a fight with another kid, it got really bad and the other kid got hurt. The boy’s father didn’t beat his son, instead, he took him to the hospital where the injured kid was recuperating and made him apologize, he also took him to the police station, showing him what happened when people fought in the streets and hurt each other.
Strokes of the cane will not get through to the children of today. You have to be able to get to them on a mental level and change their psyche. So that once they accept within themselves that something is bad and they know why it’s bad, it would take a lot to change their mind. Because if you keep telling them it’s bad without giving a befitting explanation, they’ll eventually try that thing out and find out it’s actually fun. Then, they’ll see you as a liar.
Then, the downward spiral begins.
Fear can't dominate a child for long time and many parents are yet to understand it. Now many parents already changed their approach understanding it. Parents should try to raise valid reason in front of child if they want to stop them from doing something.
Yeah... children are smarter now and they will want to know why they should or shouldn't do something. If not, their curiosity will only be fueled.
I can relate with your post and it reminds me of how my mom always starts this heart to heart conversation after punishing me. We would talk at length and it was very effective.
What worked for our parents definitely might not work for us and I like the idea that parents these days are doing everything possible to make their kids very confident. Beating won't solve every problem or teach discipline so we must be careful with teaching discipline.
Yeah... it varies from child to child, and how it's handled will definitely have a major bearing on the kind of adult they grow up to be.
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Thank you for this.
Hmmm if someone should discipline a child the way we were raised back then I am sure the child will never listen because he or she would have gotten used to the cane and after that he will go back to what he shouldn’t do.
I was raised with beating and that create fear for me but I don’t think that would work on nowadays children and that is why I’m not planning on raising my kids with cane.
Omo... beating didn't create any fear in me ooo. While I didn't like getting flogged, obviously. It was never enough to stop me from doing certain things, unless I just wanted to stop by myself.
we all won't be the same or agree on same methods because of our experiences. We have seen parents that will advice another adult to discipline a child in a certain way because they belief it will be effective.
One good way to train up a child is to give them reasons why to or not do certain things you tell them, unlike our parents, they see it as a disrespect: we had to find out on our own. Kids are smarter these days and a higher level of intelligence is needed to train them well.
Yeah... we had to find so many things out on our own. For some reason, we were just expected to know, or they felt we were too young and not mature enough. so they never told us why. It was the mistake they made.
I believe they were brought up that way too, so they did same. A big mistake that shouldn't be repeated.
Every child has different nature (slightly or more), so many time the method worked for one may not work of other. Parenting indeed is difficult and making them disciplined is a big challenge for all parents
!BBH
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