It’s always frustrating when we see individuals choosing to stay with people who are obviously bad for them. They remain in toxic relationships and for some reason, just refuse to leave. No matter what you tell them. Many times, they could even pick fights with you for pointing out the dangers of sticking to such people.
I’ve heard someone say that the reason she didn’t leave an abusive husband was that she didn’t want her children to “grow up without their father”. She thinks she was doing them right, but she was doing them wrong and doing herself the greatest wrong in effect. Because by choosing to stay with an abusive husband, she was teaching her son that beating up women was accepted and she was teaching her daughter that it was okay to get beaten. None of these are good.
The truth is, toxicity doesn’t come with one face card. It has so many faces and forms. Just because someone doesn’t beat their partner doesn’t make them any less toxic. You can be with a partner who doesn’t want you to succeed. You can be with someone who is jealous of your looks, the same looks that probably attracted them to you to begin with. You can be with someone who can’t bear to have you making more money than they are. Some would even prefer that you don’t have any money at all, and depend solely on them for everything that you need.
As far as I’m concerned, any relationship that doesn’t give those involved peace of mind and costs them foolish amounts of money is very toxic. Like, why would you and I be arguing, and then to vent your anger, you’d smash my TV? Is something doing you in your head? Or you’d pick up my phone and smash it on the floor. Back in school, a girl threw a stone at her boyfriend’s windshield just because she was angry. The innocent Lexus ooo.
I can’t afford to be with someone like that ooo, no matter the good parts of them. Because I can’t be paying for damages after every argument. Abeg, I love my peace of mind too much. However, while I’m sure that many people also feel the same way about me, the funny thing is that people like these still end up in relationships. Spreading their vile and happiness to other people. They even manage to be with people who will refuse to leave them.
A friend of mine had to stop being friends with a girl simply because of her toxic boyfriend. The boyfriend would beat her up and kick her out of the house around midnight, she would call my friend to come bail her out. At midnight, walking around alone in that rough neighborhood. No matter what my friend told her, all it took was one phone call from the toxic boyfriend and she would run back into his arms. About a week later, my friend’s phone would ring again at midnight. She had been kicked out yet again and needed help!
It all changed when he almost got robbed and arrested just in one night! When he got the call from the friend, he had immediately left his home to pick her up. However, he walked right into a gang of robbers. They had accosted him and were in the process of forcing him to make a transfer from his bank account into theirs when by a stroke of luck, police officers arrived.
However, it wasn’t good news for my friend because the robbers immediately ran off leaving him there. The police saw them run off and thought my friend was one of them. They were ready to arrest him, but thankfully, he told them about his friend who was stranded and needed his help. He even played a voicenote that she sent. That was the only way the police officers believed him. They didn’t still let him go ooo. He had to bail himself.
This was like an eye-opener for the guy. It ruined everything for him that day. Once the police officers released him, he simply turned around and made his way back home. He called the friend and told her that he couldn’t make it. At that point, he no longer cared what happened to her because he was sure that no matter what he did or how he stuck his neck out for her, she would still return to the lion’s den, ready to be eaten up.
All this happened early last year, I don’t know if the girl left her boyfriend and if my friend rekindled their friendship. However, I definitely understand why he decided to call it quits with her. In situations like these, if the people involved don’t want your help, there is nothing you can do to stop them. They have to be willing to want change before you can help them.
So, why would people keep going back to toxic partners and friends? There are so many reasons. There is something that they get from them that they just feel can’t be gotten from someone else. This is dangerous, I know. But then, it is what it is. I don’t know why they stay, even when it’s at its extreme. If I talk about all the situations of abuse I’ve come across on here, this post will go on until tomorrow.
It’s sad really, but for me, the only viable solution I can see is for orientation! We need to teach our people, we need to teach our children that what is wrong is wrong, no matter the package it comes in. Peace of mind is important, and if someone isn’t giving that to you, then cut them off. If those who are meant to make you happy are the ones making you wet your pillows every night, then it’s a sign that you should let them go. You can definitely do better than that.
But then, people will only tell themselves what they want to believe. So, until they’re ready to accept help, there is little that can be done for them. I just hope that everyone who finds themselves in such situations will see the light and let go of that toxic relationship.
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
Or probably they've been bewitched by the partner.
It's the poor Lexus for me but come to think of it, the Lexus is an accomplice, always leading him to the toxic girl.
It's unfortunate and yet fortunate your friend learned his lesson though in a hard way. I was once called a devil by a lady for advising her but years later, she popped up in my DM to appreciate me.
Plus, toxic people who fail to recognize their state or situations cannot be helped. A phone call and she'll start running back?
Yet in another angle, I know some people are toxic to themselves but, we must see our partners as part owners and not strangers coming into our lives for love. This is us loving our partners just like ourselves.
This is the problem. When you try to advise them, you'd be seen as an enemy of progress and painted to look like you want to ruin their relationship. It can even destroy your friendship with them. This is why many people just choose to mind their own business because sometimes, the hassle that comes with being "nice" is just not worth it.
Quite true. It's great wisdom to caution gently and not overbearing. Soon enough, they'll see and appreciate for themselves. Hopefully, not at the regrettable stage. Thank you
Leaving a relationship is not easy. How could you leave a relation that sustain for long years. I knew someone who on getting rich started to exploit me or others. But being elder person does it make sense to leave them in hostility. We somewhere k ew that once theybrealised their mistake they turn to us. But having a soft corner, say bye or making distant is not easy.
I think this is another issue. People think of everything they've put into the relationship and it makes it hard to leave. The idea of starting off somewhere else or with someone else from scratch can be daunting. But then, I'm of the opinion that as long as it's messing with your mental health, leaving shouldn't be an issue. Starting from scratch shouldn't be an issue either. This is very important!
What if the husband later died or he beats the woman to death? Won’t the children end up growing without the father or their mother?
Such excuses is not enough to be in a toxic marriage because it will never stop
As in ehn... many people just don't think that far. And in the end, everyone's lives are affected.
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Thank you for this.
Some people love to get hurt by other and choose to stay in a toxic relationship and sometimes there are no reasons for it. It's better to leave them to suffer for their actions. So I think cutting the bond with them is not a bad option either.
Yeah... especially when their relationship starts affecting you as well. You can't always be the reliable shoulder when you know that they'll willingly go right back into the arms of those who would hurt them.
Living along is better then living in toxic relationships. It looks hard decision and it is but it will be way easy for rest of the life.
As in ehn... it's better to be single and alone than being in such ships. Because nothing good can ever come off it.