Stigma is something that many people are familiar with. Because of one mistake, or because of a situation that is totally out of their control, they end up being stigmatized by everyone else. Simply put, stigma is when a person is looked upon only by one particular factor and often in a negative light. People would refuse to see them as anything else and would be willing to go to great lengths to keep the person in that same spot.
This can be very limiting. Both for the stigmatized and for those doing the stigmatizing. Because in a situation that should have been seen as an opportunity for growth and learning, it would be turned to a means to put someone down simply because of something they have no power over.
Stigma is something that happens frequently in my corner of the world. A woman can be the CEO of the biggest bank in the world, and she could also be the richest woman in the world with top access to Presidents and Kings, but there will be small-minded people who will still see her as a baby mama because she has kids and she’s not married. A child could be brilliant and breaking insane records academically, but there will always be those who will never see the kids as just “that boy that his father is a thief.”
It can be frustrating that no matter how hard you work, no matter how much you try to rebuild yourself, and no matter how far in life you’ve gone, some people will always look for that tiny thing and use it to trample on all your achievements. Take Davido for instance, he’s one of the most successful artists in the world, he has brought up and raised more than a dozen artists and also helped catapult even more to stardom. He’s rich, and the OBO name he gave himself is not cruise.
Yet, many people still would never see him for his achievements. They still believe that he is who he is today because of his father’s money. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that he owns a label and was able to raise superstars also while still being active as an artiste. Not everyone can do that. Some artists open their record labels and they’re the only ones in it. Other artists take on and bring up upcoming artists, but they decide to take a backseat and let the young ones flourish. Davido allowed the young ones to flourish and he still flourished as well. Rising by lifting others!
So, for me, have I experienced stigma? Personally? No. The truth is, if I’ve ever had anything worth getting stigmatized for over the years, I’ve not even known because no one has said anything to that effect close to me. Not when there will always be a 2X2 to plank the person. Hehe…
However, I know a number of people who have been stigmatized. I know a lady who was approaching her late thirties and was still single, and for some reason, everyone around her carried the matter on their head. They never stopped reminding her to go and get married, as if picking a good man is like going to Bokku Supermarket and picking out groceries. If they were in a good mood with her, they would playfully remind her that they were still waiting for her to ask them to come and cook for her (wedding day food), some would even say they had the firewood ready.
Sadly, it gets worse when she’s quarreling with any of them. No matter what caused the disagreement, they would find a way to link it to the fact that she was not married. If they’re arguing about the weather, they’ll tell her to go to her husband’s house. If they’re arguing about politics, they’ll remind her to go and get a man. As in… it’s just sickening. No matter what she does, she will always be seen as a woman who is just not married. What kind of box is that to put someone in?
Sadly, we see things like this so often. People get stigmatized for the dumbest things. A couple would be stigmatized for not having kids, they would be stigmatized for having too few kids, they would be stigmatized for having too many kids, for having only girls, for having not enough boys. A woman would be stigmatized for divorcing her husband, a man would be stigmatized if he chooses to be with a single mother. Parents will be stigmatized for choosing to adopt, or even considering surrogacy…
As in ehn… the list goes on and on. Why are we still facing things like this in this big 2025? Not everyone can handle the way people would look at them, so they prefer to endure and do things undercover. That’s why we have so many terrible cases today, cases that can totally be avoided. A woman refuses to leave her abusive husband because “what will people say?” Until he kills her.
I heard the story of a woman who couldn’t handle the fact that her partner was a chronic cheat, so she killed him. What happened to breaking up with him? Because apparently, if you leave your cheating husband for another woman, then you lost the battle. You’re supposed to pray and will his character to change. Sadly, if he was being with other women, he wasn’t yours to begin with. They’re more concerned about what people will say, about the stigma that comes with divorce, than they are of their own peace of mind.
And how does it end? She killed him and ended up going to prison. Stigma comes in so many forms and ways, and it’s stifling us. Things that should have been used as learning platforms are being shunned, and not by those who are better off. People would rather make fun of other people than see to their own invulnerability, and that’s sad. To fix this, we need serious rewiring and resetting of brain.
Normally, a good 2X2 would have done the trick, or a sharp cord to the neck. But there are so many people in the world right now with small minds. So, it’s up to the government to figure out ways to open up the minds of the people. And we have to be willing to see people for who they are and not for who we want them to be.
We need to do better.
Killing a husband because of cheating is even foolishness...
The stigma she was running away from, maybe for being called a divorceee would have been better than spending the rest of her life in prison
My cousin sister is more than 40 years now, yet she is not married...the stigma has been terrible... like where will I start ...but she caused it, though she realized her past mistakes, stealing, running after seminarians in our community, dented her image, like she is known for negativity but she retraced her steps, made amend but people still see her with her old label.its terrible
Omo... having to pay for something you did once for the rest of your life is wild. It's just sad. We place way too much value on public image, which is good. However, for many people, it only ends up being toxic. And that's why stigma is a major issue today.
Stigma should have no place in our society, we should try to find solutions to deal with this problem.
This is correct.
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