Yes Relationship are difficult.... Most people think it because of money, sex or work or who get to pick up the sock and do the laundry while some think it is because we are not right for each order or because we don't really have much in common.. sigh!
But the truth is that.... There is nothing more difficult than another person, we all came from different tribes, Culture, family, background and upbringing which will mostly lead to having different characters and nature of seeing and virtualizing problem and things.
Source
When we are in a relationship we all want easy but we always tend to forget that we also came with one fear in our previous pain in our past relationship that might have affect our neurological system.
Let me give more insightinsi... When you love, it's by far more complex, challenging, much of the reason for this is based on our automatic neurobiological reflexes...yeah there is something called neocortex found in the high cortical area of the brain in which they are very deliberate, smart and slow and they are very expensive to run they are also pretty good at planning, organizing, language learning and are also pretty strong that they can put you in trouble.
Now there is another part called the subcortical area of the brain .... They help with logic , reason, very fast memory based, automatic and very cheap to run. They are involved in love and sex but also threat detection, by scanning for dangerous faces, voices, gesture, movement as well as dangerous word and phrase which are mostly common in woman.
Now you fell in love with someone, you obviously want to touch them, taste them, smell them... You can't get enough of them which automatically increases your dopamine levels, adrenaline increases for focus and attention... Testosterone for sexually related aspect and serotine so you get obsessed so all this increments make you biological addicted and you want to spend all your time together with the person right! And very soon your brain( neurological) will automate your partner and their will do the same too which is good because you love this person but the bad thing is.
Your brain will make you think you already know the person and eventually you will mostly stop paying attention and stop being fully present for them and their needs. And it will eventually lead to question like!
Source
Her: why are you giving me that look
You: what look?
Her: why are you using that tone of voice on me
You: what tone of voice... Can you stop it?
Her: STOP WHAT!!!? THAT IS A COMMANDING TONE YOU KNOW!!( Loud Voice)
Then it eventually leads to shouting at each other.
The conversation simply explain that our nervous system is misfiring and that is our nature and it will continually happen if you don't understand your brain and personality.
There is no relationship without conflict and if you are a conflict avoided, you will become or appear threatening to your partner and when I mean conflict avoided, I don't mean violent reaction or fight or toxic behaviors but proper misunderstanding... And the real problem is not that you fight, it is that when you do fight...one or both of you threaten to leave and nobody is fighting to get back.
Normally we all know human communication on a normal day is very terrible, we are mostly understanding each other most of the time when we are good, and when we fill good we don't care but immediately we don't feel good, we care about our negative sides.
Our memory is unreliable and faulty that is the truth because in fight for whose opinions is right we both can be wrong LOL. That the reason I have come to the conclusion that our brain plays or is playing tricks on us and will always do if we don't train our emotions
So I will got tips and will share how to avoid our memory from deceiving us when you have a tense argument with your partner
1. GO EYE TO EYE OR FACE TO FACE AND READ WHAT HAPPENS
2. AVOID EMAIL OR CHATTING ARGUMENT BECAUSE IT CAN LEAD TO MISINTERPRETATION OF EMOTIONS AND THOUGHT
Just so you know... Every thing I have being talking about happens to everyone regardless of your personality, relationship experience or relationship trauma, you are capable of being threatening to people you love and making huge mistake and error in communication, memory and perception ... We all do the same, But the decision to be in a relationship means to be in a foxhole together and protecting each other form the dangers out their and have each other back.
Many relationship end before their time including mine because we did not get this simple concept but now that I know them... With love I share them to you all so you can train your mind and do the needful.
The world had become scary and if we don't have each other back who will. So learn to listen, be committed and spend the Christmas season with your loved ones to the fullest.
Hope you enjoyed the post
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