By reading the title, you might be wondering, “What could this possibly mean?” Most people may not even realize that love marriages in Pakistan can come with their own set of challenges.
Recently, someone asked me a few curious questions about marriages, which made me think that others might also be interested in learning about these issues. Hence, I decided to write this blog.
So, what problems arise when one decides to marry?
The Choice to Not Marry at All
The first issue is for those who don't want to get married. What challenges do they face? A simple Google search reveals that Islam, under certain conditions, allows one to remain unmarried. However, is this really the case in practice?
In many Muslim cultures, the reality is quite different. I know of a particular group in society that not only pressures individuals to marry but also propagates the belief that if someone intentionally does not marry, reaches an older age, and dies in such a state, their funeral prayers will not be performed, nor will they be buried according to proper Islamic rituals.
While I cannot verify the truth of this claim, my point is to highlight that many people marry solely due to societal or familial pressure, even if they personally do not wish to.
Sectarian Differences
At first glance, it might seem straightforward for a Muslim to marry another Muslim. However, the reality is not so simple. For instance, Sunni and Shia Muslims are two major sects within Islam, and they often have mixed feelings about one another. Some extremists even go so far as to declare the other sect as non-Muslim.
If a Sunni falls in love with a Shia, their marriage can face significant challenges. Interestingly, Sunnis also have subcategories, and sometimes two people in love cannot marry simply because they belong to different Sunni subsects.
Islam discourages the creation of sects, but societal practices often override this principle. The pain of such restrictions can be deeply felt by those who are unable to unite due to sectarian divides.
Caste Differences
Caste differences present another major obstacle. While some might assume that caste is rooted in Islamic ideology, that is not true. The famous verse,
"Urdu (original): Ak hi saf mein kharay ho gaye Mehmood o Ayaz,
Na koi banda raha, na koi banda nawaz
English (translated version): Mehmood and Ayaz stood together in the same row (here "row" represents row formed during prayers, symbolizing equally before God),
There remained no slave, nor any master."
clearly shows that Islam promotes equality.
It is likely that the caste system was influenced by the era of kings and emperors or by cultural interactions during British rule when Muslims and Hindus lived together. Some Hindu customs can even be observed at Pakistani weddings today, further supporting this theory.
Racism and Colorism
Racism exists to some extent in every society, and Pakistan is no exception. Here, many individuals need their parents’ approval to marry. Factors like ethnicity and skin color can become major obstacles. For instance, if you happen to be born with a particular skin tone, your future mother-in-law might disapprove of your marriage on this basis alone.
Unusual Practices: Forced Marriages with Non-Living Objects
In certain small, rural parts of Pakistan, especially in Sindh, bizarre practices like forced marriages to non-living objects still occur. For example, you can find stories on the internet about a girl being married to a tree. Such practices are often done to maintain land control within a particular group.
Although these practices are highly discouraged in society today, they still occur in certain regions.
Child Marriages
Compared to the other issues discussed, child marriages seem like a smaller problem. In most provinces of Pakistan, the minimum legal age for marriage is 18 for both males and females. However, in Punjab, the minimum age for girls is 16. This law is generally followed strictly. However, in some cases, birth certificates are altered to bypass the legal age requirement. Despite these instances, the situation has improved over time and is no longer as significant an issue.
Financial Constraints
Financial problems are another major barrier to marriage, particularly love marriages. I’ve previously explored this topic in-depth in my blog, "A Guide on How to Buy Love with Money", which I consider one of my finest works. It provides valuable insights that can help you understand this issue better.
Final Thoughts
To be honest, the list of marriage-related challenges can never truly end if we start analyzing them in depth. The problems I’ve discussed here are just a few that came to mind as I wrote this, almost like a rapid-fire response.
Initially, I wanted to write about happy endings and positive stories related to marriages. However, the person who asked me about marriages was curious to know about our culture and how it relates to marriage practices. While they didn’t specifically ask about the problems, their questions led me to reflect on the challenges people face, especially in love marriages, which naturally became the focus of this blog.
While there is plenty of happiness and positivity surrounding marriages in our society, for today, let’s reflect on the problems. We’ll save the happy endings for another day.
What do you think? Would you be able to navigate through all these challenges to have a love marriage? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
Affiliate Disclosure
Join Binance through THIS LINK for 10% off trading fees! Let's save together!
It is true that the challenge related to marriage can never end, one has to face many types of problems. Marriages that happen due to social and family pressures start facing problems in their relationship after some time. Apart from this, it is very difficult to do intercaste marriages these days because most of the families do not accept this marriage and in many places I have seen that if their child marries intercaste then they do not even maintain any relationship with him.
The bigger problem than racism and apartheid in today's society regarding marriage is that the boy should have a good job and if he has a government job then it is even better, then even if the girl he is going to marry is not educated, it is okay, she should just be beautiful. I do not like this discrimination of the society regarding marriage that they are judging a person by his income and wealth,whereas you should judge how his behavior is and what his character is and what kind of a person he is.
On the other hand, if we talk about a girl, then keep her beauty on your side and you should know about her qualities and her culture, only then their marriage Will work well in future.
This post has been manually curated by @bhattg from Indiaunited community. Join us on our Discord Server.
Do you know that you can earn a passive income by delegating to @indiaunited. We share more than 100 % of the curation rewards with the delegators in the form of IUC tokens. HP delegators and IUC token holders also get upto 20% additional vote weight.
Here are some handy links for delegations: 100HP, 250HP, 500HP, 1000HP.
100% of the rewards from this comment goes to the curator for their manual curation efforts. Please encourage the curator @bhattg by upvoting this comment and support the community by voting the posts made by @indiaunited..
This post received an extra 2.50% vote for delegating HP / holding IUC tokens.
Your comment is upvoted by @topcomment
More info - Support @topcomment - Discord
You made a very insightful point about how marriages that take place in difficult environments can lead to challenging married lives later on. However, today I want to emphasize even more strongly how many people are unable to marry their true love due to such issues.
As for the financial challenges you mentioned, I would highly recommend that you read my blog, "A Guide on How to Buy Love with Money", at least once. It offers valuable insights on this subject.
I think there are still many countries, and some expectations in the western society for people to get married, though the pressure is much less compared to when religion is involved. And when other societal factors get involved in what is supposed bro be a two person relationship, things can get so complicated.
Your sister's wedding gown looks beautiful, and quite Western!
I am laughing out loud while reading this. I’ve expressed all my feelings in the blog above, but I still want to share this short clip with you.
Quote to focus on:
A small thing happens, and a big mess is created.(Yes, you’ll need to read the subtitles.)😂👌
Marriage brings with it alot of pleasures and bliss only when both partners realise the importance and requirements of that bond.
Love marriages have always been controversial topic in our country . The religion asks for consent of both bride and groom but in most cases they are compelled to say yes
Let me share two real-life stories that show how love is often lost because of difficult situations:
In the first story, a girl had to leave her true love because of her mother. Her mother became very sick and asked her to marry the son of her close friend. The girl, not wanting to upset her mother in such a condition, agreed and let go of her own happiness to fulfill her mother’s wish.
In the second story, a girl from the Qadiani community (who, according to my faith, are not considered Muslims, though they call themselves Muslims) also lost her true love. She had fallen deeply in love with a boy and even became a Muslim for him. But her parents didn’t agree and forced her to move abroad with them, far away from the boy. They made her follow their beliefs and kept her away from the person she loved.
Stories like these happen all the time. We hear about love being lost, not because it wasn’t real, but because the world around them wouldn’t let it happen.
Love marrige ke challenges India me bhi hai. Jo aapne post mein likha sare we are facing in my society.
Mera point of view hai apne aapko financially independent bana lo phir jo man kare wo kare.
The financial suitation you mentioned, I would highly recommend that you read my blog, "A Guide on How to Buy Love with Money", at least once. It offers valuable insights on this subject.
By reading your comment, one thing is clear, we share a habit of thoughtful conversations and could get along well, potentially becoming good friends in the future. I’ve followed you and look forward to having thoughtful conversations with you. Feel free to DM me on Discord at "dlmmqb."
discord pe connect kiya hai maine apke sath.
In my country, people are also against love marriage and so there are many a lot of trouble people need to face in love marriage but it started to change a little.
You shared derailed knowledge and there were some information which was unknown to me as I never thought too much about marriage.
Once my sensei told me:
There's only one thing you truly own and just so happens to be the very first thing these crooks will try to take away from you.
Called "Hope".
Give 'em a chance to snatch it and all the money, and drugs in the world won't save you.
Hold it with a tight grip. Don't you ever lose it.
I hold his words dear to my heart, and they give me hope in my darkest hours.
Ours here is quite the opposite, its the same rules though the only difference is giving birth to a child rather than marriage
It's a good topic to write about as well. ☺️
Thanks for the idea! 💡
Yahh you most welcome
Its kind of funny.
I'm OK if my sons marry and just as OK if they remain single. I do hope that they find a nice woman to marry at some point in their life so that someday I might have grandchildren. However, race or colour never even came into my mind.
I do hope that they decide against marrying a man as then there is no chance for a grandchild, at least not in the bloodline sense. I certainly hope they never decide to marry a tree, their car or other inanimate object.
And in Canada no arranged marriages exist (at least not in circles I know of).
But that still leaves religion. Honestly that is a tough call. Why? Because different religions mean more challenges. There are many Christian denominations and as my wife and I are from different ones I know the challenges that come with slight different viewpoints. However, if my son's marry a muslim, buddhist, sikh or other faith it is guaranteed to cause friction over the years.
Marriages are hard enough without adding guaranteed friction.
Anyways, just my two cents. Thanks for writing and inviting me to read.