Hmmm!! You are a very strong man boss, sometimes life throws challenging moments at us to see who we really are and I bet you from what you wrote up there, you have tried.
I may not fully comprehend what you are going through but I have had a little taste of a challenging moment before. Sometimes, we feel, running away from our problems and reality may solve our problems but the truth is we cant run forever. Don't beat yourself for avoiding the hospitals all those while, it's normal, it's hurts so much to see that you don't have the liberty you crave for and then something is there constantly reminding you that you there is a loophole in your life, Not everyone can cope with that.
I am so happy that you finally decided to face your fears by visiting the hospital again. What I want from you, is stop running from it. You do not desire to be in whatever situation that you are in, you didn't buy it from the market. Stop thinking that life is unfair to you. You might be going through pains I know but please find reasons to be happy and enjoy the life you have. Hating life would only complicate things, I am not saying you should embrace what is wrong with you No, but in the midst of this chaos find reasons to proof to life that circumstances can't pull you down.
It will be well, like you already started keep tabling your worries to your maker through prayers, only him knows the depth of the pains you are going through and I know he wont neglect you.
I have this favorite scripture, "therefore i say unto you, whatsoever you desire, when you pray, believe that you receive them and you shall have them." (Mark 11:24.)
I just want you to know that this phase of life would pass, it will history someday and you will use your experience to encourage others