We are familiar with the phrase "know your worth". The phrase is very ambiguous because how does a human being know his or her worth? How can we estimate or quantify our worths?
Is there any way one can objectively say "this is my worth" or "I am worth so and so".
We always see people tell others "you deserve this" or "you don't deserve that" especially in relationships.
I have come to realise that the saying "We accept the love we think we deserve" holds true, especially in romantic relationships where one is not bound but stays with free will and in full consciousness.
Because human worth is very subjective, we are likely to place ourselves too highly, too lowly or anywhere in between and we may never know if our metric is right or wrong.
On X, we see ladies talk about their expectations for the first date and wanting the man to spend big on food and all that. You also see ladies request for huge sums before giving our their contacts to men for relationships.
More importantly, we see in the comments ladies encouraging them, ladies wishing they were the ones that received the huge amounts of money displayed by a fellow lady as a gift from a crush.
These are the ladies who think highly of themselves and have huge "financial" expectations in romantic relationships.
We also see ladies who are in search of caring men, God fearing and humble. These set of ladies have huge "emotional" expectations in relationships.
That's the subjective nature of human worth, there's no rule to follow.
When people (including men) stay in unhealthy and toxic relationships, it is mostly because that is the love they think they can get. Some other times it is because they are dependent on that partner either for financial reasons, societal value or because of the children, etc. but I wouldn't dwell on this class of people.
My cousin, a very brilliant girl, used to top her class during her school days but she was from a poor background and got married immediately after secondary school. She in fact didn't marry because the marriage rites were not performed. She simply went to live with the man when she became pregnant for him.
Fast forward to this Christmas, I met her after more than 8 years. She looked at me, she was happy about my progress but was filled with regret. She wanted to be a nurse (she still wants to but feels time is no longer on her side). She wished she could turn back the hands of time.
The summary of the story is this, she was in a very toxic relationship with her husband. The man used to beat her, starve her and sometimes even lock her out of the house with her children. She told me that it was my dad that came to her rescue. According to her, when my dad learnt of her condition, he asked her to leave but her excuse was not having transport fare. So my dad sent her money to leave the man's house.
I then asked her, why were you staying with him, she didn't have any tangible reason. This man rarely provides, he doesn't protect, rather she needed to be protected from him, he doesn't show you love either and yet you could not leave.
I came to the conclusion that she accepted the love she thought she deserved.
I think part of the solution would be to act more movies or short clips that show people what love should look like for both men and women.
Engage content creators to act scenes that depicts healthy relationships and bashes the toxic ones.
Also while raising our children, we should give them a sense of belonging, self worth and self esteem. We should also love them right so that at all times, they would know that they are loved at home.
I remember a time I was with a lady, she was gradually becoming toxic and I sensed it immediately and I left her without even a second thought. Now we only have our contacts and view each others status.
I believe I was able to discern and abandon her was because I knew I was loved at home and I don't need a 'pity' love, forced love or management love. I left without a second thought.
All images are mine.
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
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