I've got two small daughters. Right now one is 7 and the other is 3: different ages and different challenges. And the experience that I went through the oldest one is nothing related to the other one. Let's say that the youngest represents the "terrible 3 years old" while my oldest was a piece of cake during that age. But my oldest is at the age that has her judgments and she is starting to defy some "recommended instructions" that we gave her. But how we should deal with punishing them?
Let's start with my youngest one. The regular type of conflict is related to disappointment with her wishes. She started to understand that she is an independent individual with her wishes. So it is snowing outside but she insists on wanting to go outside with a regular Elsa dress that couldn't handle any temperature near 0 degrees. So she starts to go against our decisions, screaming and crying. I can say that sometimes I have to breathe deeply to not use something more aggressive, but I admit that sometimes I raise my voice.
The best way to deal with that type of situation is through a bit of talk maintaining calm and of course never stepping back. Making the decisions as a parent and not stepping back is important for the kid to get some confidence. So if she can't use the Elsa dress outside, she won't. And if she keeps doing it she will need some time in a corner to think about it. Usually, that's the way how is solved after sometimes minutes of screaming and crying.
The oldest has a better understanding of the world and is easier to talk to understand some decisions, but still, she has some decisions that aren't the best. Let's go back to the winter debate. She didn't want to bring snow pants for school since they weren't cool and many kids weren't using them. My wife tried to force her to use it, but it didn't work it out since we have a very tight time to go to school. I was going to drop her off there and she started to say that she wouldn't go to school with that.
I was getting late to work, snow I just told her that if I received any call from a teacher complaining that she hadn't brought snow pants she would be grounded. In addition, she would feel cold on her way back home, since my wife picked her up and they walked 15 min back home. In the end, she fell cold on the way back and learned a lesson.
It is unreal to use physical violence to punish kids. It is traumatic for kids and not recommended by anyone in addition to possibly getting problems with the law, depending on how hard you hit your child. The best way is to keep the boundaries between parents and children and state that you are their caretaker and they need to understand that we know more than them. Screaming sometimes at them can be normal since no one is made of steel, but avoiding is important. But no one wants a spoiled child and limits should be established.
Tenho duas filhas pequenas. Agora uma tem 7 anos e a outra tem 3: idades diferentes e desafios diferentes. E a experiência que passei com a mais velha não tem nada a ver com a outra. Digamos que a mais nova representa os "terríveis 3 anos de idade", enquanto minha mais velha era moleza naquela idade. Mas minha mais velha está na idade que tem seus julgamentos e está começando a desafiar algumas "instruções recomendadas" que demos a ela. Mas como devemos lidar com a punição delas?
Vamos começar com a minha caçula. O tipo regular de conflito está relacionado à decepção com seus desejos. Ela começou a entender que é um indivíduo independente com seus desejos. Então está nevando lá fora, mas ela insiste em querer sair com um vestido Elsa normal que não aguentaria nenhuma temperatura perto de 0 graus. Então ela começa a ir contra nossas decisões, gritando e chorando. Posso dizer que às vezes tenho que respirar fundo para não usar algo mais agressivo, mas admito que às vezes levanto minha voz.
A melhor maneira de lidar com esse tipo de situação é por meio de um pouco de conversa, mantendo a calma e, claro, nunca recuando. Tomar decisões como pai e não recuar é importante para que a criança ganhe alguma confiança. Então, se ela não pode usar o vestido Elsa lá fora, ela não usará. E se ela continuar fazendo isso, precisará de um tempo em um canto para pensar sobre isso. Normalmente, é assim que se resolve depois de alguns minutos de gritos e choro.
A mais velha tem uma melhor compreensão do mundo e é mais fácil conversar para entender algumas decisões, mas ainda assim, ela tem algumas decisões que não são as melhores. Vamos voltar ao debate do inverno. Ela não queria levar calças de neve para a escola porque não eram legais e muitas crianças não as usavam. Minha esposa tentou forçá-la a usar, mas não deu certo porque temos um tempo muito curto para ir à escola. Eu ia deixá-la lá e ela começou a dizer que não iria para a escola com aquilo.
Eu estava chegando atrasado no trabalho, neve, eu apenas disse a ela que se eu recebesse qualquer ligação de um professor reclamando que ela não tinha trazido calças de neve, ela ficaria de castigo. Além disso, ela sentiria frio no caminho de volta para casa, já que minha esposa a pegou e elas caminharam 15 minutos de volta para casa. No final, ela sentiu frio no caminho de volta e aprendeu uma lição.
É irreal usar violência física para punir crianças. É traumático para crianças e não é recomendado por ninguém, além de possivelmente ter problemas com a lei, dependendo de quão forte você bate em seu filho. A melhor maneira é manter os limites entre pais e filhos e declarar que você é o cuidador deles e que eles precisam entender que sabemos mais do que eles. Gritar às vezes com eles pode ser normal, já que ninguém é feito de aço, mas evitar é importante. Mas ninguém quer uma criança mimada e limites devem ser estabelecidos.
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These kids are just different and it's important to use different approaches when discipline is taking place. Just the way you understand your two daughters. Sometimes, their decisions are weird and we parents can't concur to that
Whatever we allow them have or do from the beginning, they grow up with it and it becomes bad if it's a negative lifestyle.
I also do not really like physical punishment due to how it affects kids emotionally but there are just some bad behavior that I will really punish you either by kneeling down to raise your hands for minutes or I spank ur bums
But then...I will later have a heart to heart talk with my child explaining to him the consequences of his bad behavior and why he shouldn't do such again.
This heart to heart talk i heard before hahhaa my wife says the same!
I have one of 3 too, it's Hella annoying when you say something and get ignored or he keeps on his idea... Sometimes a slap is really tempting, our parents and grandparents gave some slap when needed and we grown well enough
Thats why sometimes I prefer to leave the room! Best way to deal with that hehehe
I also think beating physically is not a good idea but sometimes it's necessary also depending on the situation. But trying to correct children through friendly conversation and light punishment is the best thing parents can do.
!PIZZA
Yeah i think the world changed a bit and now isnt accepted anymore using physical punishment!
I've been through the same. Kids want to make their own choises when they grow up. When my daughters were young I often gave them some options to choose from. This way they thought they decided things by themselves, but they still did one of our options.
When they get older they can indeed as you say learn the hard way sometimes. Making mistakes is also an important part of growing up.
As long as their choice isn't harmful it's ok.
Correct… we need to protect them from harmful events ! The strategy of multiple choices is interesting mental game ! I liked it heh
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