Well I'm not a father but I'm a son and a grandson who had a lot of his life controlled and little freedom to express or talk about what I like. I was raised basically by my grandmother, my sister and I were actually very prevented from leaving the house, whether it was for a friend or a walk somewhere, it was from home to school or from school to home. The only times we left home was with an uncle or aunt, or at our parents' house on weekends. My mother was always traveling around, when she stopped at home she did not ask much what had happened in her absence but well, do what.
The fact is that despite going on weekends to my father's house, I just went there in a lan house to play games, had no friends there except for my younger cousin who loved to play with me playing cards.
As I could not leave the house I ended up being left out of many meetings of my class and some walks. What turned out in the end was that I began to lie, both to my grandmother and to my mother. I found myself suffocated at home, lost many things to have part of my freedom taken that way, if talking did not help then I would do the way I believed to be the best, lied saying that I would do work or courses at school, or that I would go to the library to study, the result of this was my family never have met my first girlfriend, he said never have seen the amazing video I have been doing track with my friends at 16.
image taken from Globo magazine
Looking back now I wish I had shared with them all the experiences I had in school when I was younger, but they themselves made me make the decision to lie and hide, perhaps not as a child, but as a person I have made the right decision.
The point is that they went so far from the limits that I did several things behind their backs, I never had confidence in them, because I always knew they would judge my decisions and friendships.
But it was learning, in the future if I'm lucky enough to be a father I want to have a relationship of trust with my son, I will tell him everything, every detail he wants to know, and in return I hope to have naturally reciprocity, have you ever imagined having a son who comes excited from school crazy to tell the father of his first girlfriend?
Even today I live with an aunt soon bringing my younger sisters to live with me in a house just ours, and as a brother I hope to have balance with them in all the factors of a good friendship, not that we no longer have hahah.
Being a good father comes from learning from the experiences we had, as a teenager I always wanted my moments to think alone, I also had my moments that even sad never wanted to tell anyone, I believe that the way to a good father without going beyond the limits is the trust established between a father and his son.
🎲 Credits
Cover: CHATgpt
Translation: Samsung Tool
VERSÃO EM PORTUGUÊS
Bem eu não sou pai mas, sou um filho e um neto que teve bastante da sua vida controlada e pouca liberdade para se expressar ou falar do que gosto. Eu fui criado basicamente pela minha avó, eu e minha irmã na verdade, era muito impedidos de sair de casa, fosse para um amigo ou um passeio em algum lugar, era de casa para escola ou da escola para casa. Únicas vezes que saíamos de casa era com algum tio ou tia, ou para casa de nossos pais aos fins de semana. Minha mãe sempre ficou viajando por aí, quando parava em casa não perguntava muito o que tinha acontecido na sua ausência mas bem, fazer o que.
O fato é que apesar de ir aos fins de semana para a casa do meu pai, acabava que lá eu so ia em um lan house jogar jogos, não tinha amigos por lá exceto pela minha prima menor que amava brincar comigo com cartas de baralho.
Como não podia sair de casa acabava ficando de fora de muitos encontros da minha turma e alguns passeios. O que no fim resultou que comecei a mentir, tanto para minha avó quanto para minha mãe. Eu me via sufocado em casa, perdia muitas coisas por ter parte da minha liberdade tomada daquele jeito, se conversar não adiantava então eu faria do jeito que acreditava ser o melhor, mentia dizendo que iria fazer trabalhos ou cursos na escola, ou que iria á biblioteca para estudar, o resultado disso foi minha família nunca ter conhecido minha primeira namorada, nunca ter visto o vídeo incrível que tenho fazendo trilha com meus amigos aos 16 anos.
imagem retirada da revista Globo
Olhando para trás agora eu queria ter compartilhado com elas todas as experiencias que eu tive na escola quando menor, mas elas mesmas me fizeram tomar a decisão de mentir e esconder, talvez não como filho, mas como pessoa tenho tomado a decisão certa.
O ponto é que elas passaram tanto dos limites que cheguei a fazer diversas coisas pelas costas delas, nunca tive confiança nelas, porque sempre soube que iriam julgar minhas decisões e amizades.
Mas foi aprendizado, no futuro caso eu de a sorte de ser pai quero ter uma relação de confiança com meu filho, vou contar tudo a ele, cada detalhe que ele quiser saber, e em troca espero ter naturalmente reciprocidade, já imaginou ter um filho que chega animado da escola louco para contar pro pai da sua primeira namorada?
Ainda hoje moro com uma tia em breve trazendo minhas irmãs mias novas para morarem comigo em uma casa só nossa, e como irmão espero ter equilíbrio com elas em todos os fatores de uma boa amizade, não que já não tenhamos hahah.
Ser um bom pai vem de aprender com as experiencias que tivemos, como adolescente eu sempre quis meus momentos para pensar sozinho, também tive meus momentos que mesmo triste nunca quis contar nada a ninguém, acredito que o caminho para se um bom pai sem passar dos limites seja a confiança estabelecida entra um pai e seu filho.
🎲 Créditos
Capa: CHATgpt
Tradução: Ferramenta Samsung
Bzzzrrr, @jarmeson! Eu entendi sua dor e frustração! É como se a Hive fosse um prédio fechado e você tivesse que esperar por um tio para poder sair. Espero que sua história inspire outrem a ter coragem de compartir suas experiências e não se sinta sozinho. ZinZin!
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Your post was manually curated by @michupa.I often see those who were raised by their grandmothers get this kind of treatment, but it's not without reason that they forbid us to leave the house, maybe because they don't want something bad to happen to us, they realize that they are old and can no longer take care of us like our father and mother, I think they do the right thing and will let you be free when you are an adult
I agree with you. It's still very bad for a child to have his freedom limited.
In an attempt to keep us from harm, sometimes parents adopt this high-handedness that leads to a negative cycle of lies just like your case. I hope you are able to do much better for your children.
Thank you!!
This indeed a beautiful share here @jarmeson. I wish many of us parents get to read this very publish, and even as many who wants to become parents very soon.
We as parents should give some space to our children especially once they are about to enter the teenage age. I tell you that we push them to do what they regret later in life because of over protection.
Giving spaces and understanding our children create opportunities for better relationships which everyone will enjoy. Doing things is secretes is dangerous and can lead to death. Open mindedness and decision making are two important factors to consider while dealing with our wards.
Thanks for sharing this awesome educating piece @jarmeson. You are truly amazing. Trust is very important when we as parents feels we love 💕 our children.
Sending love ❤️🥰💕
I'm glad you liked it!! Thank you very much for the super positive comment!!
You are welcome Truly an educating share 😇💕
That's sound a little the story of my mom, and she did the opposite when she raised me.
Grandparents are old school parenting, so I guess not always is a good choice to left children with them.
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Haha extremely friend, thank you!!
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(2/10) @ladyaryastark tipped @jarmeson