Last week I stumbled upon an interesting thread on Quora where the OP was having issues with her marriage and decided to ask for advice and/or help. She's been married for the past 11 years and now she notices her husband no longer shows interest in her like before. She is 52 while the husband is 33.
What struck me in her narration was when she mentioned that she believes her husband is no longer interested in her because of the age gap between them, making her too old for him. That the husband probably yearns for a younger, more relatable woman to be with. That was her major fear. And that fear of hers is not unfounded.
As I read the responses, most people in similar relationships told her the age gap is not to be blamed. Some advised her to give her man some space and that he will come around. Only one lady went the other way and ripped the bandage off the bloody wound without remorse. She told the OP without mincing words that the husband no longer finds her attractive. She even threw some banter the way of Emmanuel Macron for good measure. She took no prisoners.
Now, let's be sincere here. One of the major reasons why a woman will settle for a younger man is because she's probably out of worthy options. This may sound myopic but it's true in most, and not all cases. Down here you will find it hard to see a well-to-do woman in her 20s settling for a way younger dude. She may befriend one, but when it's time to settle down she will go for an older, more authoritative guy.
In the case of a man, it's slightly different. Men are expected to marry younger women. But then, the gap mustn't be too wide. You'll probably understand this if you've attended a wedding between a 45 year-old man and a 25 year-old lady. If people are kind enough to shut their mouth during the wedding ceremony, they will definitely question the motive of the young lady afterwards.
In fact, some of the family members will show their disapproval immediately when a lady brings home a dude 20 years older than her. They would ask how scarce worthy men could be for her to come home with a man old enough to be her father. Most probably agree if the man is wealthy or if the lady already got pregnant for the man or she is a divorcee or single mom. In fact, everyone has always been conscious of the age gap issue. We only try to hide it.
When I started having serious relationships, I gave myself the plus(+) or minus(-) 3 rule. That is, I mustn't date a woman I'm 3 years older or younger than. I'll only mingle with those within that age bracket. Even at that, I still had issues when I dated a girl 2 years older than I was. She never stopped emphasizing on the need to be respected. At some point, I just couldn't cope with the crap. I had to move on.
We can go on and on about how love is the most important factor in a relationship. However, there is a reason why everyone tries as much as possible to steer clear of avoidable baggage in relationships. We all have insecurities. And those insecurities prop their heads up when one is at the lowest.
When a relationship is going smoothly, those involved forgets about the age gap and all. They enjoy the present and wave away other people's opinions about them. But when things start going sideways, even the lovers will consider the age gap as a possible reason for their differences.
In conclusion, it's nothing but self delusion to deny the possible impact of age gap when it comes to romantic relationships. Age is not just a number; it matters.
