The Art of Positive Parenting: A Delicate Balance

In an African home, just like how no one tells you to excuse the room when visitors are around yet you do is the same way that bombastic side eye from your mom is enough that let you know you’re doing something wrong.

There are two things African moms are known for- that bombastic side eye and the slipper throwing skills of theirs. Growing up in an African home and community has been a real marathon for some of us. Where I grew up, there was nothing like ‘my child’. Your child is everyone’s child and vice versa, meaning once a child does something wrong, it’s everyone’s responsibility to correct them. You can see a neighbor beating someone else’s kid and they won’t even bother because that’s how it’s being done around here. Here in Ghana, discipline is very important to most people.

I was fortunate to not have to spend my whole life in a family house. We had our own house when I was still young and it was fun in a way. My dad wasn’t that strict but my mom was a disciplinarian. Nothing passes by her and you would most definitely be held accountable for your wrongs no matter what. Sometimes my dad would be mad when my siblings do something extremely bad and my mom has to resort to using the cane. Eventually, my mom always has the way because to her it’s ‘spare the rod and spoil the child.’

With this, we all made sure to not get into trouble even though my mom didn’t beat us. It was mostly chores and all of that as punishment but sometimes the cane did come in. I wouldn’t say that was terrible parenting , it was way beyond good. Being part of the eldest kids in the house, the kind of training I received is nothing like what my younger siblings are enjoying today. It’s more like my mom has grown very lenient with them which is surprising to me.

In all, no one is perfect and even our parents cannot be perfect in grooming us. In as much as my parents did a great job with myself and my other siblings, there are a few things I’d like to do differently if I have my own kids which I think would be a great addition to the already existing tips I learnt from my upbringing.

I think I’d be more open with my kids. We all know how some of the older generation can be sometimes so I wouldn’t really blame them. I wish to be my kids safe space so that they can open up to me and talk about anything on their mind freely. This will help me protect them and also make sure they do the right thing all the time. There are some kids that hide to do stuff from the fear of being judged by people, including their parents which is bad.

I’d be more open with my kids, in the sense that those hard discussions must be had instead of being pushed under the rug all the time. Confrontations are very important as they help everyone realize their faults and work on them. Hiding behind the role of being a parent to get away with stuff isn’t going to help with anything.

I believe these few adjustments would put me halfway, if not on track to being a better parent. Parenting is a learning process and there’s no manual to it. The best we can do as parents is to learn and adjust.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, thank you for your time.

all images belong to me.