Something happened, and my second child was bold enough to scream, "Mummy, let me be!"! I was like, what does this little boy know to the point of challenging Mum's authority, hehehe. But then, I later think through what transpired that Sunday morning, and immediately, there was a shift in my mindset regarding my parenting journey.
I will love to point out that I don't have the perfect approach to parenting, but what has kept me going is that I am teachable and always open-minded to learning from the experience of other moms; it's a win-win. Having said that, finding the balance between getting involved in the lives of my children as well as giving them the much-needed space to be themselves freely can be quite challenging, but it's doable anyways.
Personally, as a parent, there's this natural urge to always guide and support my children, but sometimes it becomes excessive. My kids are still tender, but yet, they still need that space in certain things. It starts now; otherwise, I will be unconsciously hindering them from being independent and solving life problems themselves. I don't think I would love this kind of limitation in their lives; on the other hand, when they are given too much space to do as they feel right in their mind without the right guidance, the result might be negative, and it becomes a problem to handle. It's about finding balance, but the big question is, HOW??
I mentioned in my first paragraph that something happened between my second child and me. Now, I will use it as an example to explain how I get involved in my kid's life but yet understand the need to give them space. Note that my kids are still tender, and so the case will be different for handling teenagers...That Sunday morning, I brought out fine clothes I wanted my child to wear; unfortunately, he had another one in mind and rejected the one I brought out. Deep down within me, I loved the one I brought out more than the one he liked, and somehow I wanted to force him into wearing what I wanted before the young guy screamed that I should let him be!
Now, this boy is 7 years old and should be old enough to pick clothes from his wardrobe, right? But why did I interfere? That's being too intrusive in this case; it's a simple scenario, but it also applies to the bigger one. Another day, when the weather was very cold, he brought a dress, which was very light, and then, I politely explained to him why he needed a thicker dress due to the cold; he understood me and had the cloth changed. You see, I stepped in to guide him rightly when I noticed that he was about to choose wrongly, being involved and supportive without controlling him that much. I think this is a typical example of finding a balance.As much as parents should give the children space to think and do certain things themselves, there's a need to be alert and step in when necessary and also know when to take a step back. Yes... let them be!
Most times, parents are highly overprotective due to the love they have for their children; it's understandable, but in most cases, we unintentionally overdo these things. Children are also humans; they need space to think on their own and take certain decisions without their parents intruding into their private lives. From what I have seen, when these children are being controlled so much, some will be forced to be wild once they have a taste of little freedom out there and sometimes , it could make them ignorant of some things they should be knowledgeable about. But when they know that they have some space to themselves, they feel free to share with their parents things about their life, and parents too have the opportunity to be informed and guide them rightly because open communication was encouraged. Unfortunately, overprotective and intrusive kinds of parenting force children to lie instead.
Still on the ways parents find balance without being so overprotective, encourage the children to be independent! Because I know all the classwork given to my kids isn't an opportunity for me to carry them on my head and do it for them, no, I will stand there to guide them on how to do it themselves. If they say that research is needed for a particular task, I will give them my phone and instruct them on what to search on Google; of course, I will be there to see they are doing the right thing. I am involved but gave them space to try things themselves. With this, they build more confidence in themselves and become resilient about life.
Finally, in my home, my kids are free to express themselves, free to take certain decisions, free to play either games on phones or physical play, and watch TV, but everything has boundaries. I wouldn't intrude until you cross the set boundaries; there's a structure you must follow; otherwise, I will be intrusive because too much space will definitely impact them negatively.
This is my response to the #HiveLearners community contest on the topic titled, Helicopter Parenting
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That’s the way of a parent. Finding a balance matters. Like you said if the protection get too much, a taste of freedom can make then go wild. Or sometimes make them ignorant of some things they should be knowledgeable about.
And too much space also impacts negatively. No doubt. A balance is what matters most.
You are doing good ma.
The two are important, don't over protect and don't give so much space..this calls for being alert always and sensitive about the children life...it's a whole lot
💯
Wow, this is an amazing mother. I liked reading your content when it comes to parenting or motherhood because you will share more of your experiences with us here. I have learned that part of you is giving them space because they are humans, and too much space can lead them to a negative lifestyle. Thank you for sharing with us.
Kudos to your motherhood, I wish you success in this journey and wisdom to guide them into the right path. Amen.
Awwwwwww 🥰... thanks for such compliments, I love learning from other mums experience and so sharing mine seems good too
Yea, give them space but don't be far away from them
Thanks for your well wishes
Much appreciated 💚
!LUV
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When there's no balance certainly parenting could be misleading. Finding balance between the independence of the child and getting involved in it is very important.
It's as important as pursuing our life goals
!PIZZA
Some parents are over protective base on what they faced before giving birth to their children but then, that will not solve any issues but increases the problem.
I believe in getting to know your child, I mean you should be a friend to them and be a good listener, by that they will be submissive.
Yea..some act based on their past experience but in all, it's good to watch out for the result of every action and adjust immediately
Knowing when to step in as parents a times is difficult but it is something that could be done. We don't know It all as a times our emotional attachment may tend to have the best of us, listening carefully to what the children have to say helps us in sticking a balance too.
I understand the emotional attachment part ..it can mislead us in this Parenting journey, for real
Parents are not perfect- they make mistakes. However, it is important to learn from those mistakes and make amends.
Every parent wants to protect their kids. They want to be there for them and shield them from the outside world. There should be limit to these things. As much as you want to protect your kids, don’t dictate literally everything for them. Dob’t control literally every aspect of their lives.
Thanks for sharing, mama.
Giving them the needed space to do things themselves, take certain decisions just make more sense to me. Not every time we police them up and down
Hahaha 😂. You child made me laugh. Let me be! If you try this with my mother back then, you won't eat food for that whole day. I really suffered ohh. Ahhh! It was only God that helped me to survive that house without collapsing.
Thanks for sharing
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Nobody is perfect and it's not necessary to be perfect. Having the mentality to understand the psychology of kids is enough. Unfortunately most of the parents don't have the mentality and they think they are always right.
It's good that you are flexible have the intention to improve yourself as a parent.
!LUV
!PIZZA
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I totally understand about that clothing part!! sometimes it's -20 and my youngest put a dress ahhaha.
Sometimes I don't pick the fight if I think that they will survive hehehe
These are wonderful points and strategies you talked about above, as much as we want to give children space to experience life themselves, we must also find a way to be involved and not too distance.
I love that your statement that been overprotective and intrusive forces them to lie , some end up misbehaving when you are not around because they will pretend whenever you are around.