I have been wondering why some people choose to remain in toxic relationships until I had a practical experience with a friend recently, and obviously, she has tons of reasons why she kept managing the whole trauma she has been going through. Currently, her case is still ongoing and has been a whole lot of discoveries for me.
Personally, I will more importantly prioritize my self-esteem, my happiness, my health, and my life if I find myself in a toxic relationship either with friends, my partner, or even with my family members. This is because life has no spare, and one needs to be alive before fighting or hoping for anything. It's common for people to remain in toxic situations hoping for a change someday, which may not even happen. The reason could be because of the kind of love the victim may have for the opposing individual and could also be for other reasons like a friend I mentioned in the beginning of this post.
As for her, she feels that without her husband, she can't survive life because she literally depends on the man for every tiny one of her financial needs. You can imagine such a lifestyle? When I discovered that all wasn't well with her and her relationship and I got to know the details of the toxicity, I asked her to consider being alive first, but surprisingly, her response was, How can I start all over again with this thing called relationship?" Is it possible to get emotionally attached to someone else?. How about my only child? Is it not better that I stay and manage this man because of my child? Hmmm, when I thought I had heard it all, she went ahead to talk about what people will say hearing that she left her marriage and, most importantly, what the church will say. Like seriously, she also revealed that her mom said she shouldn't bring shame to their family by leaving the relationship but should find ways to please her husband and sort things out by herself.
Then I asked one simple question and discovered that the husband has done a lot to the parents of this lady, which made the parents keep calm over what the lady is going through. I really was speechless over the issue seeing the degree of selfishness from the family, but as a friend, I had to tell her the truth no matter her family's stance.
Toxicity in a relationship isn't something that should be managed. It has led a lot of people to their early graves and can affect one emotionally, making you almost miserable in life. It's difficult if the victim doesn't even recognize toxic behaviors and take action immediately or even get valued support from others.
As much as different people have different reasons for remaining in toxic situations, I think some things can be done to reduce the rate of such acts. One of those things is constantly educating people on how to discover toxic behaviors. In schools and in churches or mosques, this kind of seminar should be encouraged so people can be aware and do the needful before things escalate.
While most women manage toxic situations, it is because they are not financially capable of taking care of themselves, and so they remain with an abusive man, which may lead to an unpleasant ending. If financial independence is encouraged, at least a victim wouldn't stick with an individual traumatizing their life because of financial dependency.
Also, the need to surround oneself with a strong network of friends or family is another way to navigate through toxic situations. This is because I discovered that a lot of people die silently, harboring issues that needed to be exposed to people that can offer assistance and help get one out of toxic relationships. People might not always give you money but can support you emotionally or even with words of advice.
Finally, ensuring that our legal system is functional to protect victims who want to leave a toxic situation is also vital, and I will summarize by saying that no matter your reasons for staying in such a situation, always prioritize your mental health.
This is my response to the #hivelearners community contest on the topic titled, Even When Toxic.
Images were taken from canva
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Huh! So early 😂, hope you slept at all Ma😂
Honestly, it's always a cycle of reason.. financial entrapment, child, fear of starting all over but what most persons forget is that they have to atleast be alive for everything else to fall in line.
Some parents are just not trying at all and it's very bad, where else should your daughter fall back to when her mum and dad couldn't help me make a decision to favour her life... It's so so bad.
Most persons have gotten so so dependent on others that they've developed low self-esteem that they can even get money to buy food for themselves and this is the greatest fuel factor of toxic relationship..
I wish everyone gets one or two things to do before entering relationships for real ... It will help for easy exit
Hehehe 😃..I have to do the needful before the boys wakes up
People will always have reasons to defend their actions after all life is a choice and I really hope we begin to make a smart choice in situation like this
Most of the red flags people complain about in marriage were there in relationships, but people were blinded by butterflies and shawarma and ice cream.
I personally know few ladies suffering in their marriages that these signs were already there, and the annoying part is that in marriage they still don't take counsel. I have a friend that whenever I see her, she's calling to cry and complain about her husband. I call her; she goes ahead to do what's in her mind. I have stopped pitying people who are pitying this since they don't love themselves; continue to enjoy suffering. It's really annoying.
As a lady, having your own money is very important, but most ladies want to remain Oga's wife.
Hahaha 😂😂🤣🤣..ur first statement got me laughing out loud 🤣🤣🤣
Sharwama and ice cream took away the sense of reasoning..lol
Nothing is as peaceful as woman with their own money..it saves alot of hidden nonsense
The society has also contributed a lot to making people remain in toxic relationships. I could vividly remember the case of a gospel singer I read about not quite long. She was in an abusive marriage and sought help from the church. Instead of taking a reasonable action majority advised her to pray to God to touch her husband's heart.
When she couldn't take it anymore, she quit the marriage. Instantly, her problems mounted. She was no longer invited for ministrations. The excuse was the same: a divorcee can't lead Christians to God on the alter of praise. She was categorically "cancelled".
Looking at this scenario, other gospel singers like her will keep quiet out of fear of losing their careers. Afterall, it was after the death of one popular gospel singer that her friends started coming out to say how they pleaded with her to leave her marriage but she wouldn't because of such fears.
The society has to do better.
Hmmm 🤔🤔
This is not a good news at all
Imagine church worsening matters
Hmmmmm
I am really speechless 😶
It's even worse in the church. They'd rather spiritualize things than face the fact. A lot of resident pastors out there are beating their wives to stupor on a regular basis. That's why you see them coming to the pulpit to regular quip that the only person that can judge them is God. That's more like a deterrent to members to mind their business.
I think there are many things to consider in a relationship and I also agree with you that lack of financial backup is the main reason behind it. I hope that in the future women will be more capable and can come out from a toxic relationship and make the thing easier for both partners.
!PIZZA
Sometimes men can feel frustrated over financial load and start acting aggressively
I really hope women become up and doing to curtail some nonsense
All these ladies that have settled to be asa odgwu and don't want to do anything for themselves, they are the ones that suffer the effect of toxic relationship the most.
Hahaha 🤣🤣😂
Me Belly oo 🤣🤣🤣
That's why it's good as a woman you should have something you're doing for yourself no matter how little, you're right in that area of many people stay in a toxic relationship because they're not financially buoyant, lots of women stay,not because of their children it's because they don't have the money to take care of themselves and their children
People always have reasons to manage toxicity in relationship but is that the way forward?
That is the reason why I advice young ladies planning to get married to make sure that there is something to bring money from her side. You can't just seat down and depend on a man for everything you need. That is very bad of her and she don't want to do anything about it.
Okay ohh. We have seen alot gone to be with the Lord for this sake.
Thanks for sharing dear
Having something doing is a plus and can curtail some nonsense
As a woman, having your own money is very important.
As I’m here working my ass off like a donkey, my mates are there following men and live large. Are they better than me? No. But I can get to walk out of any situation I don’t like because I know I’m not dependent on a man for survival.
Awwwwwww 🥰
I am in love with this comment
Keep building yourself babe.
No man Wil try any nonsense with you
You’re right!
I actually understand that part of financial dependency. It is sometimes very hard to move on especially when you don't have anything you are doing that would fetch you enough money as soon as you decide to leave.
Yea..very difficult but action must be taken... however it's important that everyone find something doing at all point
Ma like you have actually said my mind on the part of having connection, that is strong backup that have ones back at any time.
Good words here ma'am
Yea . connection is vital
I would say lack of education in relationship
Yea .it's also an issue
Amazing effort 🎈
I really enjoyed this my friend so many people going through the same thing 🙏🏾
@tipu curate
Indeed...many people going through this experience
Thanks so much for the curation
💯 you are more than welcome my friend 🤗
I hope you enjoy your day 🙏🏾
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Keep creating! ✨
That is just her notion: she can survive without her husband
She should establish a business and stop depend on him for everything.
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I don’t understand why some people choose to stay in toxic relationships. Regarding your friend, she shouldn’t have depended entirely on her husband for everything; she should have been financially stable. What her parents did was unfair, but I can’t entirely blame them since her husband was the one providing for them. I would never advise my loved ones to enter or remain in a toxic relationship because it has led many to an early grave and caused lot of damage to some people.