You know how you could just be relaxing or busy with something, and then all of a sudden your brain does that thing that it does, where it reminds you of something that happened in the past, and then all of a sudden you start to regret why you didn't react in a certain way to that situation when it happened, or why you didn't say certain things....well I had one of those moments today, only this time, my brain reminded me of the one time I did something to my little brother that I still regret even up till this day.
You see, I've always been that guy who enjoys his privacy, I do like having guests over but only when I know that they would be leaving in a couple of hours and not stay for a week or a month, because when they do, that's when it starts to get to me. I could handle you staying over for two or three days, but anything getting to a week just makes me twitch, and then all I want is for you to leave.
Now I used to think this only applied to friends and people who aren't family, it turned out I was wrong.
About two years ago, my brother who was staying with my aunt at the time had been asked to come stay with me a little bit because my aunt was traveling down to the village and my dad didn't want her taking my little bro along. So I had gone over to aunt's place to pick him up and bring him over to my place.
The plan was for him to stay for a week, which also was the time my aunt was expected to stay at the village. So he had stayed for a week, but then something came up over there and she had to extend her stay there, which wasn't suppose to be a problem for me because I was staying with my little brother, but that wasn't the case.
I found myself getting upset with her for not keeping to our agreement... And I remember it got to the point where on the day she was to come back, she had called me and told me she was on her way back but she was going to take a while, so it was either I brought my brother over to her place and hand him over to her neighbour, or I allowed him to stay one more day at my place and then bring him over the next day.
Ladies and gentlemen, I feel like the worse person on earth when I tell you that I had taken him over to her place that evening, and although I couldn't bring myself to hand him over to her neighbours, I had waited there with him for a while, and when I confirmed that she was just a stone throw away, I had left because it was beginning to get dark and the distance back home was a bit far.
Whenever I think about that whole thing, I feel terrible that I had done that even to my own little brother. I have sworn on my life, everytime I remember that entire situation that it will never happen again, no matter how uncomfortable I may feel. But sadly, no matter the amount of promise I make to myself, I still feel bad everytime I think about that situation.
Today's feeling was so terrible that I had done something that I rarely do without him asking for it, I sent him some money just to help relief a little bit of the sadness that I was feeling. I was a terrible big brother once, I pray never to be one ever again.
A screenshot of my conversation with him..although some of the text were written using pidgin English.
I also love privacy and I think anyone close to me doesn't trouble me even if they stay with me for a long time. If I were in your place, I would be happy to spend more time with my little brother.